| Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, March 27 ___________________________________________________ History: 1997 - Russian workers, nearly 2 million, held a nationwide strike to protest unpaid wages. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Woman accused of killing man, sexually abusing and mutilating corpse is fit to stand trial _____________________________________________ Q Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art. --- Facebook No man remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself. --- Thomas Mann (1875 - 1955) ________________________________________________ As the high school teacher was correcting essays written by her students she read, "Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset." She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground. A burro is an ass. At your age it's time to learn the difference." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A Florida man in a trench coat walked into a supermarket. After walking around for several minutes he grabbed a large can of beans and moved on to the cashier. He placed the can down on the counter, opened his trench coat and slapped his penis down next to the beans. The shocked cashier picked up the can and proceeded to slam it repeatedly down on the flasher's private parts. He screamed and passed out from the pain. The police were called and in the memo section of the incident report the responding officer wrote, "He should have purchased a loaf of bread." ___________________________________________________ A hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment in Arkansas, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a bar. After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed. "Say, how old are you anyway?" the reporter asked as the obviously young lass was disrobing. "Thirteen," she replied with a shy smile. "Thirteen ??? My God, girl !!! You get those clothes back on at once at get the hell outta here ! Are you crazy ?" he thundered. Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed nymphet smiled and said, "Superstitious, huh ?" _________________________________________________ Pink Lilian ________________________________________________ An Irishman, by the name of O'Mally proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.. The young lass, on learning it wasn't real, returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness."It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled..."I gave you a sham rock." ____________________________________________________ A senator is visiting a primary school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers that, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy." "No," the Senator says, "That would be an ACCIDENT." A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside ... that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains the Senator. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS." The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer. "What?" asks the Senator, "Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally Little Johnny in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying a Senator was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy." "Marvelous!" the Senator beams. "And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says Johnny, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!" ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ A large sinkhole opens up on a remote town. An alarming number of people fall into it and injure themselves and it's difficult to get them all to the small hospital they have. The mayor gathers the city council to figure out a solution. The smartest city councilor suggests they park an ambulance next to the hole to get people to the hospital faster. The rest unanimously agree. However, they only have 2 ambulances and they're needed more in the center of the town to get there quickly. So the mayor gathers the council a second time. The second smartest councilor suggests they close the road between the hole and the hospital so the ambulance can ferry people faster. Everyone nods in deep wisdom. Alas, after a few days it's obviously not really doing much and it just creates more accidents with too many cars on the smaller roads. Finally they gather for a third time to take drastic measures. The third smartest councilor says they need to tear down the hospital and rebuild it next to the hole. Finally the mayor can't take it anymore. He slams his fist on the table and yells: "You idiots! Do you know how much moving the hospital will cost?! There's an obvious and easy solution to this problem! We fill in the hole and then we dig a new one next to the hospital!" ___________________________________________________ DEFINITION OF OUTDOOR BARBECUING It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion: (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer. (4) The man places the meat on the grill. (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women. __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been reported by Rock Taylor Schabusiness, 25, GREEN BAY, Wisconsin, USA Woman accused of killing man, sexually abusing and mutilating corpse is fit to stand trial A woman accused of killing and dismembering a man in Wisconsin is competent to stand trial, a court ruled Friday. A competency report commissioned by prosecutors that was completed last fall deemed Schabusiness fit for trial. In February, she attacked her attorney during a hearing moments after Walsh agreed to her lawyers request for an additional two weeks for a defense expert to review her competency. A deputy wrestled Schabusiness to the floor of the courtroom, which was then cleared before the hearing resumed. ___________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Brenda Re: Request to verify Dear Webby, I'm questioning a couple of emails in my inbox. They say they are from a support for my email and that they will "hold" my mail until I verify my account. I assume these are fishing emails but I am expecting an email from Westjet and it is not showing up after 24 hours, ( to confirm a booking). Could you please check on this for me? Thanks, Brenda Dear Brenda the ONLY legitimate support you got is me. And I will never ask you to verify anything by email. Gorgeous ladies like you I would rather invite for a coffee. It reminds me of Lil Thomlin, the fake telephone operator, fingering her cleavage and asking: "Awe wyoo the pahty I am speaking to?" Just dump that crap. Re Westjet, look in the trash, in case you accidentally elbowed it in there. Westjet used to have chat, if you have an account. Flying has been out of my budget for a few years and I have not been to their site for a long time. Even when I still had an account, I never had to worry about anything. Btw, I just noticed a link to their chat. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Today, March 27 in 1794 - The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of the U.S. Navy. 1802 - The Treaty of Amiens was signed ending the French Revolutionary War. 1836 - In Goliad, TX, about 350 Texan prisoners, including their commander James Fannin, were executed under orders from Gen. Antonio Lpez de Santa Anna. An estimated 30 Texans escaped execution. 1836 - The first Mormon temple was dedicated in Kirtland, OH. 1841 - The first steam fire engine was tested in New York City. The steam was used for pumping, not for powering the tanker. 1860 - The corkscrew was patented by M.L. Byrn. 1866 - U.S. President Andrew Johnson vetoed the civil rights bill, which later became the 14th amendment. 1884 - The first long-distance telephone call was made from Boston to New York. 1899 - The first international radio transmission between England and France was achieved by the Italian inventor G. Marconi. 1900 - The London Parliament passed the War Loan Act that gave 35 million pounds to the Boer War cause in South Africa. 1900 - The Russian army mobilized 250,000 troops for active duty. 1901 - Filipino rebel leader Emilio Aguinaldo was captured by the U.S. 1904 - Mary Jarris "Mother" Jones was ordered by Colorado state authorities to leave the state. She was accused of stirring up striking coal miners. 1907 - French troops occupied Oudja, Morocco, as a punitive action for the murder of French Dr. Muchamp. 1912 - The first cherry blossom trees were planted in Washington, DC. The trees were a gift from Japan. 1917 - The Seattle Metropolitans, of the Pacific Coast League of Canada, defeated the Montreal Canadiens and became the first U.S. hockey team to win the Stanley Cup. 1931 - Actor Charlie Chaplin received Frances Legion of Honor decoration. 1933 - About 55,000 people staged a protest against Hitler in New York City. 1933 - In the U.S., the Farm Credit Administration was authorized. 1941 - Tokeo Yoshikawa arrived in Oahu, HI, and began spying for Japan on the U.S. Fleet at Pearl Harbor. 1942 - The British raided the Nazi submarine base at St. Nazaire, France. 1946 - Four-month long strikes at both General Electric and General Motors ended with a wage increase. 1952 - The U.S. Eighth Army reached the 38th parallel in Korea, the original dividing line between the two Koreas. 1958 - Nikita Khrushchev became the chairman of the Soviet Council of Ministers in addition to First Secretary of the Communist Party. 1958 - The U.S. announced a plan to explore space near the moon. 1976 - Washington, DC, opened its subway system. 1988 - The U.S. Senate ratified the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty. 1989 - The U.S. anti-missile satellite failed the first test in space. 1993 - In China, Communist Party leader Jiang Zemin was appointed President. 1997 - Russian workers, nearly 2 million, held a nationwide strike to protest unpaid wages. 1997 - In Australia, Governor-General William Deane signed a bill to overturn a 1996 Northern Territory act to legalize assisted suicides. The 1996 act was the first in the world to permit assisted suicides. 1998 - In the U.S., the FDA approved the prescription drug Viagra. It was the first pill for male impotence. 1998 - Top civilian aircraft makers in France, Spain, Germany and Britain agreed to create single European aerospace and defense company. 2004 - NASA successfully launched an unpiloted X-43A jet that hit Mach 7 (about 5,000 mph). 2007 - NFL owners voted to make instant replay a permanent officiating tool. 2023, Do smiled.
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