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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida car burglar arrested after he admits that he Burglarizes Cars To Ease His Boredom Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 26, in 1804 The U.S. Congress ordered the removal of Indians east of the Mississippi to Louisiana. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --- Al Gore, when he was Vice President _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Then the preacher introduced the choir: "This is our prison choir," he said, "behind a few bars and always looking for the key." ______________________________________________________ A formally dressed gentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the headwaiter. "Do you recall," he asked pleasantly, "how a year ago, I ate just such a fine repast here, and then, because I couldn't pay for it, you had me thrown into the alley like a common bum?" "I'm very sorry sir..." began the contrite headwaiter. "Oh, it's quite all right." said the guest, "but I'm afraid I'll have to trouble you again." ______________________________________________________ >From my dad This one bloomed today ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Harrison McLain Eulett, 18, Palm Harbor, Floriduh Florida car burglar arrested after he admits that he Burglarizes Cars To Ease His Boredom Harrison McLain Eulett. By his own account, the 18-year-old Floridian has a job and money, but still likes to burglarize cars as a way to ease his boredom. Master Eulett was arrested early yesterday in connection with a recent series of thefts from autos parked in Palm Harbor, a community on the states west coast. During police questioning, Eulett reportedly copped to the 2 AM burglaries, saying that he and four friends drove around looking for unlocked vehicles to get money. Eulett also felt the need to say that he has no remorse, according to an arrest affidavit. Additionally, the teen noted that he has a job and money and just does this because he is bored, according to cops. Eulett made sure to add that, These people got what they deserve, apparently for leaving their vehicles unlocked. Eulett was charged with auto theft and four counts of burglary. He is locked up in lieu of $45,000 bond on the five felony charges. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Brenda Re: Rejection Line Dear Webby I know you have given these numbers in the past. I hope you will run them again. I lost the telemarketor fake numbers. The ones that give THEM the pre recorded message. Please Thank You Brenda Dear Brenda For those not familiar with Rejection lines: You give these numbers to telemarketers and people, who you don't want to call you. They get a sappy message about how they have been rejected. On THEIR dime. Just tell the caller: "She is not here right now. Please call 626 207 5412." or any of these numbers. You can even put them on fake business cards to hand out at conventions, so that you won't get pestered by folow-ups that you are not interested in. New York: 212-479-7990 Los Angeles Area: 626-207-5412 310-495-5412 213-363-5412 323-281-9412 909-650-5412 714-607-5412 818-663-5412 562-223-5412 310-217-7638 949-256-5412 San Diego: 619-801-5412 760-204-5412 San Francisco: 415-620-5412 415-356-9833 Oakland: 510-699-5412 San Jose: 408-344-9412 Boston: 617-861-3962 Chicago: 773-509-5096 Atlanta: 770-908-7383 770-723-7256 Orlando: 407-916-ROCK Birmingham: 205-250-0408 Denver: 303-575-1696 Seattle: 206-781-3928 Washington DC: 202-452-7468 Tampa Bay: 727-579-2078 Rochester: 585-399-5902 Rhode Island: 401-648-6543 New Hampshire: 603-413-2340 England: 09061 100 596 Dublin, Ireland: (+353) (01) 2194862 Australia: 0406650430 Canada: 403-775-9982 Calgary 780-669-5270 Edmonton 905-963-0318 Hamilton 519-488-2355 London 514-667-0361 Montreal 613-686-3620 Ottawa 647-476-4910 Toronto 778-786-8557 Vancouver 250-984-0686 Victoria 204-272-3976 Winnipeg There are probably more, but those are all I got right now. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ The Students in Judy's sixth-grade class were bombarding her with questions about her newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice at the back called out: "Wow! Both ears with one shot!" And Little Johnny of course had to chime in too. He asked, "How far back did they stand?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Cat and Dog Hair from Bed Sheets and Blankets By Cricket [205 Posts, 895 Comments] Take a roll of wide duct tape. Unroll just enough to wrap it around the spool backwards and stick to the beginning. Then roll this over your sheets and blankets. It'll pick it all up. If it gets full of hair and debris, simply cut off this section and roll out a fresh section. I have 2 black dogs who sleep with me and I do this every morning when I make the bed. ______________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
_____________________________________________________ More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowboy. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire him and give him a chance. "This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows." "I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?" (Any real coboy knows the answer to that question: City Slickers) ___________________________________________________ | Tom Hank movies in 7 minutes |
____________________________________________________ >Thanks to FT for this one: ONE DAY a young man came up to my window at the bank and whispered, "Please deposit this hundred dollars in my savings account." I handled the transaction and whispered back, "Have a good day." He started to leave but changed his mind. "I'm sorry we have to whisper," he said, "but if my car knows I've deposited money, it'll break down again." With his finger to his lips he tip-toed out. ____________________________________________________ While attending college, I worked evenings at a retail store. On slow nights my co-worker Susan would often sing along with the radio while we did paperwork or restocked merchandise. One evening as the manager was leaving, I expressed my concern to him about our safety, with just us two working alone at night. "Oh, you'll be fine," he said, waving his hand. "If you see anybody who looks suspicious, just warn him that Susan knows karaoke." ____________________________________________________ | Ten abandoned palaces and crypts in Poland. |
| Today on March 26 1026 Conrad II was crowned Holy Roman Emperor by Pope John XIX. 1799 Napoleon captured Jaffa Palestine. 1793 The Holy Roman Emperor formally declared war on France. 1804 The U.S. Congress ordered the removal of Indians east of the Mississippi to Louisiana. 1885 Eastman Kodak (Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co.) produced the first commercial motion picture film in Rochester, NY. 1909 Russian troops invaded Persia to support Muhammad Ali as shah in place of the constitutional government. 1910 The U.S. Congress passed an amendment to the 1907 Immigration Act that barred criminals, paupers, anarchists and carriers of disease from settling in the U.S. 1917 At the start of the battle of Gaza, the British cavalry withdrew when 17,000 Turks blocked their advance. 1937 Spinach growers in Crystal City, TX, erected a statue of Popeye. 1938 Herman Goering warned all Jews to leave Austria. 1942 The Germans began sending Jews to Auschwitz in Poland. 1945 The battle of Iwo Jima ended. 1945 In the Aleutians, the battle of Komandorski began when the Japanese attempted to reinforce a garrison at Kiska and were intercepted by a U.S. naval force. 1958 The U.S. Army launched America's third successful satellite, Explorer III. 1971 Sheikh Mujibur Rahman declared East Pakistan to be the independent republic of Bangladesh. 1979 The Camp David treaty was signed by Israel and Egypt that ended the 31-year state of war between the countries. 1992 In Indianapolis, heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson was found guilty of rape. He was sentenced to 6 years in prison. He only served three. 1995 Seven of the 15 European Union states abolished border controls. 1996 The International Monetary Fund approved a $10.2 billion loan for Russia to help the country transform its economy. 1997 The 39 bodies of Heaven's Gate members are found in a mansion in Rancho Santa Fe, CA. The group had committed suicide thinking that they would be picked up by a spaceship following behind the comet Hale-Bopp. 1998 In the U.S., the Federal government endorses new HIV test that yields instant results. 1999 The macro virus "Melissa" was reported for the first. 1999 In Michigan, Dr. Jack Kevorkian was convicted of second- degree murder for giving a terminally ill man a lethal injection and putting it all on videotape on September 17, 1998 for "60 Minutes." 2000 The Seattle Kingdome was imploded to make room for a new football arena. 2000 In Russia, acting President Vladimir Putin was elected president outright. 2016 Do smiled. |
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