Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, May 18 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  Tempe woman arrested for killing her 2 kids  ___________________________________________________ Today, May 18 in 1980 Mt. Saint Helens erupted in Washington state. 57 people were killed and 3 billion in damage was done. ____________________________________________________ Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them. --- Franklin P. Adams (1881 - 1960) ____________________________________________________ A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But a new express- way bypass meant an alarming increase in traffic. In fact, it was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three a day. So he called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens." So the next day the sheriff went out and put up a sign that read: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING Three days later the farmer called again and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The School Crossing sign seems to make them go faster." So, again, the sheriff went out and put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY No good. So the farmer calls again...and again, everyday for three weeks, but the sheriff just doesn't have time to put up signs every week. Finally, the telephone calls stop and the sheriff becomes very curious. So he drives out to the farmer's house, and just beyond the jam of VERY slow moving traffict he sees a new black sign. Written in large yellow letters on it are the words: NUDIST COLONY ____________________________________________________ A wife decided she would leave her drunken husband, but a neighbor persuaded her to give him one more chance. "Instead of nagging him" she advised, "treat him nicely. Maybe he'll feel so ashamed he'll stop drinking so much?" So, the next night when the husband staggered home, she did not rant as usual. She made him a cup of tea, warmed his slippers, loosened his collar and tie and stroked his head. "Shall we go to bed now?" she purred at him. "Might as well," he replied. "I'll get two hours of screaming when I get home no matter if it is 10 or midnight....!" ____________________________________________________   A Red-winged Blackbird getting a free ride on an Osprey's broomstick. Jocelyn Anderson ____________________________________________________ ===From Cappy=== You know the fact you personaLize your mail...really is nice...I dont feel like I am item 4billion 198 million served....and as a retired Army Officer,,,thats a nice feeling.... Cappy(Captain) AkA Tim ---- Cappy, I'm glad you like it that way, SIR! ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Yui Inoue, 40, Tempe, Arizona, USA  Tempe woman arrested for killing her 2 kids  A 9-year-old girl and 7-year-old boy have been found dead after a woman told a Tempe police officer she was hearing voices telling her to kill her kids, officials said Saturday morning. Police say the woman had flagged down the officer at a police station on Apache and McClintock Drive, and officers later went to her apartment near Mill and Southern to investigate. "Officers went to her apartment and found a 9-year-old girl and a 7-year-old boy dead with "obvious signs of physical trauma," Tempe Police spokesman Sgt. Steven Carbajal said. Law enforcement discovered a large amount of blood on the floor, with the two children covered by a blanket. Officials say there were "significant injuries" to their bodies, including lacerations, cuts and amputations "consistent with a violent attack and defensive wounds." "Very traumatic for our officers to walk into. Were trained to see these things," said Carbajal. "There is something elevated about that when its a 9-year-old and a 7-year-old. This should have never happened." Tempe Police detained and later arrested 40-year-old Yui Inoue, who is the mother of the children. She has been arrested and accused of two counts of first-degree murder. Officers say Inoue had blood and lacerations on her body, and there were blood stains in her car. While searching her car, police also found a meat cleaver with a 6-inch blade inside a bag of clothes with apparent bloodstains on them. Detectives say several pieces of evidence suggested that the cleaver was the used as the murder weapon. 
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits FROM: Amanda RE: Reflected images  Dear Webby Nowadays a lot of pictures, especially mugshots, seem to have the picture in the middle and faded copies on the side. What causes that? Amanda  Dear Amanda That is caused by Yuppies eating junkfood and drinking burned dishwater. That causes brain damage, as you noiced. It is not a computer problem, and not a software problem. They do it deliberately to make sure you know that they are brain damaged. It looks sloppy, but is easy enough to crop so that you have just the sharp center part. Have FUN! DearWebby 
 "May I try on that dress in the window?" the gorgeous woman asked the manager of the designer boutique. "Go ahead," the manager replied. "Maybe it'll attract some business." 
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 It's official: Rap music does cause crime. Research shows that in over half the shootings that occur on the street, the gunman is aiming at the boombox. ___________________________________________ Jesus and Saint Paul are sitting in Heaven, talking about the pollution on Earth and wondering what can be done about mankind's filthy ways. Jesus says he's going to pop down to Skegness to see the situation for himself, and Paul agrees to join him. When they get there, Jesus asks what the huge metal pipe is for. Paul tells him it's used to take waste out to sea where the muck kills dolphins. So Jesus decides to take action and strides across the waves. Walking alongside, Paul is soon knee-deep in filthy water, while Jesus scoots along barely getting his ankles wet. Ever hopeful of some help he slogs on, and Jesus keeps walking on water... but soon the water is up to Paul's chin. "Master," he calls, "I will follow you anywhere, but I'm up to my neck in dirty water and I think I'm going to drown." At this Jesus stops walking and looks at Paul. "Well," he says, "why don't you just walk on the pipe like me, you silly fool?" ____________________________________________ The tourist was admiring the Native's necklace. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," he replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Actually", he replied, "here the alligator hunters get paid more than the oyster cutters at the packing plant." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, May 18 in 1302 The weaver Peter de Coningk led a massacre of the Flemish oligarchs. 1642 Montreal, Canada, was founded. 1643 Queen Anne, the widow of Louis XIII, was granted sole and absolute power as regent by the Paris parliament, overriding the late king's will. 1652 In Rhode Island, a law was passed that made slavery illegal in North America. It was the first law of its kind. 1792 Russian troops invaded Poland. 1802 Great Britain declared war on Napoleon's France. 1804 Napoleon Bonaparte was proclaimed emperor by the French Senate. 1828 Battle of Las Piedras ended the conflict between Uruguay and Brazil. 1917 The U.S. Congress passed the Selective Service act, which called up soldiers to fight in World War I. 1926 Evangelist Aimee Semple McPherson vanished while visiting a beach in Venice, CA. She reappeared a month later with the claim that she had been kidnapped. 1931 Japanese pilot Seiji Yoshihara crashed his plane in the Pacific Ocean while trying to be the first to cross the ocean nonstop. He was picked up seven hours later by a passing ship. 1934 The U.S. Congress approved an act, known as the "Lindberg Act," that called for the death penalty in interstate kidnapping cases. 1944 Monte Cassino, Europe's oldest Monastic house, was finally captured by the Allies in Italy. 1951 The United Nations moved its headquarters to New York City. 1953 The first woman to fly faster than the speed of sound, Jacqueline Cochran, piloted an F-86 Sabrejet over California at an average speed of 652.337 miles-per-hour. 1974 India became the sixth nation to explode an atomic bomb. 1980 Mt. Saint Helens erupted in Washington state. 57 people were killed and 3 billion in damage was done. 1983 The U.S. Senate revised immigration laws and gave millions of illegal aliens legal status under an amnesty program. 1994 Israel's three decades of occupation in the Gaza Strip ended as Israeli troops completed their withdrawal and Palestinian authorities took over. 1998 The U.S. federal government and 20 states filed a sweeping antitrust case against Microsoft Corp., saying the computer software company had a "choke hold" on competitors which denied consumer choices by controlling 90% of the software market. 1998 U.S. federal officials arrested more than 130 people and seized $35 million. This was the end to an investigation of money laundering being done by a dozen Mexican banks and two drug-smuggling cartels. 2012 Facebook Inc. held its initial public offering and began trading on the NASDAQ. The company was valued at $104 billion making it the largest valuation to date for a newly listed public company. 2021 Do smiled. 
 
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