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| Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, September 16 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ History on this day, september 16, in 400, owain glyndwr was proclaimed prince of wales after rebelling against english rule. He was the last welsh-born prince of wales. ____________________________________________________ international bonehead award clovis killer sentenced to two lifetimes without parole ____________________________________________________ aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons. --- will cuppy if you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. --- george burns (1896 - 1996) it is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember. --- eugene mccarthy (1916 - 2005) ___________________________________________________ >from rina i am a senior citizen... I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying. I'm very good at telling stories - over and over and over and over... I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine. I'm so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care. I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, children, politicians. I'm positive I did housework correctly before the internet. ____________________________________________________ women's english 01. Yes = no 02. No = yes 03. Maybe = no 04. I'm sorry. = you'll be sorry. 05. We need = I want 06. It's your decision = the correct decision should be obvious by now. 07. Do what you want = you'll pay for this later. 08. We need to talk = I need to complain 09. Sure... Go ahead = I don't want you to. 10. I'm not upset = of course i'm upset, you moron! 11. You're ... So manly = you need a shave and you sweat a lot. 12. You're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about? 13. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs. 14. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. 15. I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.... 16. Hang the picture there = no, I mean hang it there! 17. I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. 18. Do you love me? = i'm going to ask for something expensive. 19. How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like. 20. I'll be ready in a minute. = kick off your shoes and find a good game on tv. 21. Is my butt fat? = tell me i'm beautiful. 22. You have to learn to communicate. = just agree with me. 23. Are you listening to me!? = [too late, you're dead. 24. Was that the baby?= why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep. 25. I'm not yelling! = yes I am yelling because I think this is important. 26. The answer to "what's wrong?": a. The same old thing = nothing b. Nothing = everything c. Everything = my pms is acting up d. Nothing, really = it's just that you're such an asshole men's english 01. "I'm hungry." = i'm hungry. 02. "I'm sleepy." = i'm sleepy. 03. "I'm tired." = i'm tired. 04. "Do you want to go to a movie?" = i'd eventually like to have sex with you. 05. "Can I take you out to dinner?" = i'd eventually like to have sex with you. 06. "Can I call you sometime?" = i'd eventually like to have sex with you. 07. "May I have this dance?" = i'd eventually like to have sex with you. 08. "Nice dress!" = nice cleavage! 09. "You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you. 10. "What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this. 11. "What's wrong?" = what meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? 12. "What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question. 13. "I'm bored." = do you want to have sex? 14. "I love you." = let's have sex now. 15. "I love you, too." = okay, I said it...We'd better have sex now! 16. "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before. 17. "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different! 18. "Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that i am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me. 19. "Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys. 20. (While shopping) "i like that one better." = pick any freakin' dress and let's go home! I am hungry! __________________________________________________ reported by rock an international bonehead award has been earned by eddie cordero, clovis, california, usa clovis killer sentenced to two lifetimes without parole the man who shot and killed two people in old town clovis last year has been sentenced to life in prison, without the possibility of parole. Eddie cordero was given the maximum punishment for shooting and killing merehildo luna and andres sanchez in may of last year. Luna and sanchez were shot and killed in may of 2021 at the palace in old town clovis. A dj was also injured in the shooting. Surveillance video from that night shows cordero firing the shots. It also showed him an hour before that arguing with luna. Judge arlan harrell spoke briefly before handing down the sentence calling cordero "extremely dangerous." "It makes no sense to me. None. There's been no explanation because there is no explanation for such criminal conduct," said judge harrell. Cordero was sentenced to two consecutive life sentences without the possibility of parole, along with additional time for injuring the dj. _____________________________________________________ a man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "i have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.M., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove, you idiot." _____________________________________________________ elhade shita _____________________________________________________ each evening bird lover tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation." Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... Calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband." _____________________________________________________ @ tanya wierenga great horned owls, lacombe county teaching her daughter how to hunt ___________________________________________________ where to place them take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing. If they have taken the table apart, put them in engineering. If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to finance. If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send them to consulting. If they are talking to the chairs, personnel is a good spot for them. If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, computer information systems is their niche. _________________________________________________ dearwebby's tech support pits from: olga re: reboot how often? Dear webby, how oftebn should I reboot my computer? Olga dear olga that depends on what you are doing. If you use it just for work, then once a month is plenty for w10, once every second month with w7. If you use it mostly for browsing, games, facebook, and video chatting, then of course a lot more often. You can prolong the time between reboots by hitting ctrl shift esc to call the task manager, and kill whatever is on top when you look at processes. Highlight the memory hog(s) and click on end process at the bottom. Once you have killed everything that uses more than 250 mb of memory, your machine will speed up nicely without having to reboot. Dearwebby ___________________________________________________ after watching the movie cinderella, five-year-old sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and i'll grant them." Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled. Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, sarah obliged. The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, "i wish to have a trim figure again." The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly. "I'll need more power for this!" She exclaimed. _____________________________________________________ to impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and studied it with an appraising eye. "We'll both have the giuseppe spomdalucci," he said finally. "Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner." _____________________________________________ ophelia dingbatter's news no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ today, september 16, in 400, owain glyndwr was proclaimed prince of wales after rebelling against english rule. He was the last welsh-born prince of wales. 1620, the mayflower departed from plymouth, england. The ship arrived at provincetown, ma, on november 21st and then at plymouth, ma, on december 26th. There were 102 passengers onboard. 1630, the village of shawmut changed its name to boston. 1782, the great seal of the united states was impressed on document to negotiate a prisoner of war agreement with the british. It was the first official use of the impression. 1810, the mexicans began a revolt against spanish rule. Miguel hidalgo y costilla, a catholic priest of spanish descent, declared mexico's independence from spain in the small town of dolores. 1893, the "cherokee strip" in oklahoma was swarmed by hundreds of thousands of settlers. 1908, general motors was founded by william crapo "billy" durant. The company was formed by merging the buick and olds car companies. 1940, to prepare for wwii, u.S. President roosevelt signed into law the selective training and service act, which set up the first peacetime military draft in u.S. History. 1940, samuel t. Rayburn of texas was elected speaker of the u.S. House of representatives. He served for 17 years. 1953, "the robe" premiered at the roxy theater in new york. It was the first movie filmed in the wide screen cinemascope process. 1974, u.S. President ford announced a conditional amnesty program for draft-evaders and deserters during the vietnam war. 1976, the episcopal church formally approved women to be ordained as priests and bishops. 1982, in west beirut, the massacre of hundreds of palestinian men, women and children began in refugee camps of the lebanese christian militiamen. 1985, the communist party in china announced changes in leadership that were designed to bring younger officials into power. 1987, the montreal protocol was signed by 24 countries in an effort to save the earth's ozone layer by reducing emissions of harmful chemicals by the year 2000. 1990, an eight-minute videotape of an address by u.S. President george h.W. Bush was shown on iraqi television. The message warned that actions of saddam hussein could plunge them into a war "against the world." 1994, exxon corporation was ordered by federal jury to pay $5 billion in punitive damages to the people harmed by the 1989 exxon valdez spill. 1994, two astronauts from the space shuttle discovery went on the first untethered spacewalk in 10 years. 1998, universal paid $9 million for the rights to the dr. Seuss classics "how the grinch stole christmas" and "oh, the places you'll go." 2022 Do! smiled. |
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