Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, December 15 Does anybody know who elbitsystems.com is? Once upon a time somebody who had an email address with them, moved on to a better provider, but forgot to unsubscribe. The morons at elbitsystems.com are not competent enough to answer email. They just send an auto-responder claiming that the mail with the day's subjecct was not delivered. DUH! The idiots are too schdoooopid to list the address or name of whoever has moved to a better provider, just the subject line! I would glady unsubscribe whoevver is no longer with the idiots, but I need to know the address, not the day's subject line. So, if you know who the morons are or have a working address for them, please tell me. Thanks DearWebby ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award 18-year-old arrested for shooting, killing street vendor in Fresno ____________________________________ Today, December 15 in 2001 It was announced that Siena Heights University would begin offering a class called "Animated Philosophy and Religion." The two-credit class would cover how religion and philosophy are part of popular culture and is based on the television series "The Simpsons." _____________________________________________________ The multitude of books is making us ignorant. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) _____________________________________________________ >From Rina I AM A SENIOR CITIZEN... I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying. I'm very good at telling stories - over and over and over and over... I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine. I'm so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care. I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, children, politicians. I'm positive I did housework correctly before the Internet. _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Women's English 01. Yes = No 02. No = Yes 03. Maybe = No 04. I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry. 05. We need = I want 06. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. 07. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later. 08. We need to talk = I need to complain 09. Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to. 10. I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! 11. You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot. 12. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? 13. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs. 14. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. 15. I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.... 16. Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! 17. I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. 18. Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive. 19. How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like. 20. I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV. 21. Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful. 22. You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me. 23. Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead. 24. Was that the baby?= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep. 25. I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important. 26. The answer to "What's wrong?": a. The same old thing = Nothing b. Nothing = Everything c. Everything = My PMS is acting up d. Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole Men's English 01. "I'm hungry." = I'm hungry. 02. "I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy. 03. "I'm tired." = I'm tired. 04. "Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. 05. "Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. 06. "Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. 07. "May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. 08. "Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage! 09. "You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you. 10. "What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this. 11. "What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? 12. "What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question. 13. "I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex? 14. "I love you." = Let's have sex now. 15. "I love you, too." = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now! 16. "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before. 17. "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different! 18. "Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me. 19. "Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys. 20. (While shopping) "I like that one better." = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home! ____________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jacob Rangel, 18, Fresno, California, USA 18-year-old arrested for shooting, killing street vendor in Fresno Fresno Police say Jacob Rangel didn't have enough money to buy all the items he wanted to buy from 53-year-old vendor Jose Rivera, Fresno police have arrested an 18-year-old man in connection to the deadly shooting of a street food vendor that occurred last month. Authorities say the suspect, Jacob Rangel, had tried to purchase items from 53-year-old Jose Luis Rivera on the afternoon of November 20th. MURDER 18-year-old arrested for shooting, killing street vendor in central Fresno Fresno Police say Jacob Rangel didn't have enough money to buy all the items he wanted to buy from 53-year-old vendor Jose Rivera, and got upset. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Olga Re: Reboot how often? Dear Webby, How oftebn should I reboot my computer? Olga Dear Olga That depends on what you are doing. If you use it just for work, then once a month is plenty for W10, once every second month with W7. If you use it mostly for browsing, games, Facebook, and video chatting, then of course a lot more often. You can prolong the time between reboots by hitting CTRL SHIFT ESC to call the Task Manager, and kill whatever is on top when you look at PROCESSES. Highlight the memory hog(s) and click on END PROCESS at the bottom. Once you have killed everything that uses more than 250 MB of memory, your machine will speed up nicely without having to reboot. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove, you idiot." ____________________________________________ Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation." Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband." ____________________________________________ Where to Place Them Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing. If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering. If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance. If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send them to Consulting. If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them. If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Computer Information Systems is their niche. _______________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today December 15 in 1654 A meteorological office established in Tuscany began recording daily temperature readings. 1791 In the U.S., the first ten amendments to the Constitution, known as the Bill of Rights, went into effect following ratification by the state of Virginia. 1840 Napoleon Bonapart's remains were interred in Les Invalides in Paris, having been brought from St. Helena, where he died in exile. 1854 In Philadelphia, the first street cleaning machine was put into use. 1877 Thomas Edison patented the phonograph. 1890 American Sioux Indian Chief Sitting Bull and 11 other tribe members were killed in Grand River, SD, during an incident with Indian police working for the U.S. government. 1939 "Gone With the Wind," produced by David O. Selznick based on the novel by Margaret Mitchell, premiered at Loew's Grand Theater in Atlanta. The movie starred Vivien Leigh and Clark Gable. 1944 A single-engine plane carrying U.S. Army Major Glenn Miller disappeared in thick fog over the English Channel while en route to Paris. 1944 American forces invaded Mindoro Island in the Philippines. 1944 Dr. R. Townley Paton and a small group of doctors laid the groundwork for the Eye-Bank for Sight Restoration. 1961 Former Nazi official Adolf Eichmann was sentenced to death in Jerusalem by an Israeli court. He had been tried on charges for organizing the deportation of Jews to concentration camps. 1961 The U.N. General Assembly voted against a Soviet proposal to admit Communist China as a member. 1964 Canada's House of Commons approved a newly designed flag thereby dropping the Canadian "Red Ensign" flag. 1965 Two U.S. manned spacecraft, Gemini 6 and Gemini 7, maneuvered within 10 feet of each other while in orbit around the Earth. 1970 The Soviet probe Venera 7 became the first spacecraft to land softly on the surface of Venus. The probe only survived the extreme heat and pressure for about 23 minutes and transmitted the first data received on Earth from the surface of another planet. 1973 J. Paul Getty III was found in southern Italy after being held captive for five months, during which his right ear was cut off and sent to a newspaper in Rome. 1978 U.S. President Carter announced he would grant diplomatic recognition to Communist China on New Year's Day and sever official relations with Taiwan. 1979 The former shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, left the United States for Panama. He had gone to the U.S. for medical treatment on October 22, 1979. 1979 In a preliminary ruling, the International Court of Justice ordered Iran to release all hostages that had been taken at the U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. 1982 Gibraltar's frontier with Spain was opened to pedestrian use after 13 years. 1983 The last 80 U.S. combat soldiers in Grenada withdrew. It was just over seven weeks after the U.S.-led invasion of the Caribbean island. 1989 An uprising in Romania began as demonstrators gathered to prevent the arrest of the Reverend Laszlo Tokes, a dissident clergyman. 1992 IBM announced it would eliminate 25-thousand employees in the coming year. 1992 Bettino Craxi, the leader of Italy's Socialist Party, was informed that he was under investigation in a burgeoning corruption scandal in the northern city of Milan. 1992 El Salvador's government and leftist guerrilla leaders formally declared the end of the country's 12-year civil war. 1993 In Geneva, 117 countries completed the Uruguay Round of the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade (GATT). The countries agreed on a reform package. 1993 The prime ministers of Britain and the Republic of Ireland (John Major and Albert Reynolds respectively) made the "Downing Street Declaration," stating the basis for trying to achieve peace in Northern Ireland. 1995 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to take over the peacekeeping operations in Bosnia. 1995 French rail workers voted to end a three-week-old strike. 1996 Boeing Co. announced plans to pay $13.3 billion to acquire rival aircraft manufacturer McDonnell Douglas Corp. 1999 Syria reopened peace talks with Israel in Washington, DC, with the mediation of U.S. President Clinton. 2000 The Chernobyl atomic power plant in Kiev, Ukraine, was shut down. 2000 New York Senator-elect Hillary Rodham Clinton agreed to accept an $8 million book deal with Simon & Schuster. The book was to be about her eight years in the White House. The advance was the highest ever to be paid to a member of the U.S. Congress. 2001 It was announced that Siena Heights University would begin offering a class called "Animated Philosophy and Religion." The two-credit class would cover how religion and philosophy are part of popular culture and is based on the television series "The Simpsons." 2010 The U.N. Security Council gave a vote of confidence to the government of Iraq when they lifted 19-year-old sanctions on weapons and civilian nuclear power. 2020 Do smiled. |
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