Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, August 29 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Clumsy Georgia robbers in Florida drop cash drawer Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Aug 28 in 1842 The Treaty of Nanking was signed by the British and the Chinese. The treaty ended the first Opium War, gave Britain a right and monopoly to sell opium in China and gave the island of Hong Kong to Britain. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment. --- Josh Billings (1818 - 1885) To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. --- Abraham Lincoln Tarot Reading is the art of describing others as they would like to see themselves. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood, and perched himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Before long, all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He was tired and needing a rest, so he told them to please leave him alone. However, it was clear that he wasn't going to get any sleep until he satisfied their curiosity. "OK!" he said with exasperation, "follow me," and he flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats following close behind him. Down through the valley they went, across the river and into the deep forest. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly gathered around him. "Do you see that tree over there?" he asked. "Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "Good," said the first bat, "Because I DIDN'T!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Rabbi Morris Schleppman was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So it was only to be expected that he would get furious when Little Johnny handed in a poor paper. "This is the worst Yiddish essay it has ever been my misfortune to read," ranted the rabbi. "It has to many mistakes I can't understand how one person would have made all these mistakes." "It wasn't just one person," replied Little Johnny defensively. "My father helped me...." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John Kitchen, 29, from Saint Marys, Ga., Dwight Dasher, 29, of Folkston, Ga. in jail in Florida now Clumsy Georgia robbers in Florida drop cash drawer Two men were caught after robbing the Vegas 777 Internet Caf in Yulee, the Nassau County Sheriff's Office said. The robbery occurred shortly before 2 a.m. Monday. Police said two men wearing hoodies entered the business with a gun. One man went to the cash register while one kept an eye on the door, police said. The suspect carrying the drawer full of money dropped it and spilled money all over the floor. The suspects grabbed what they could and fled onto U.S. 17 at a high rate of speed, police said. The Nassau County Sheriff's Office quickly pulled over the men. Money was on the floorboard on the car. The suspects were identified as John Kitchen, 29, from Saint Marys, Ga., and Dwight Dasher, 29, of Folkston, Ga. Both suspects were arrested and booked into the Nassau County Jail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bris Re: Quality newsletter Dear Webby, I'm amazed at the consistency and quality of your newsletter. Hope you get paid accordingly! Bris Dear Bris Not yet, but I am definitely ready for it! Have FUN! DearWebby In the cafeteria on the first day of fall semester at Kent State University, I saw three students hard at work on their calculators. Stunned that they had received such an obviously tough problem so early in the semester, I asked them what their assignment was. One girl looked at me and replied, "We're figuring out how many days until Christmas break." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Friends of the Library Books Sales A great way to support your local library and find good deals on books is to go to library book sales. Most libraries have them multiple times each year and the prices are very reasonable. Plus, the money goes back into the library to support buying new books or community resources. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | In Memory of Jay Thomas, (7-12-48 to 8-24-17) - The Lone Ranger Story |
____________________________________________________ A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come to be?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his." ___________________________________________________ | | Avocado pits carved into tiny forest spirits. 2017. |
___________________________________________________ "Fake breasts, women always say, 'You know they're not real, don't you? She bought them.' I don't care if they're real. I want to buy some too. For the house, put them in different rooms. And on the dashboard of the car, for when I'm driving." --- Arsenio Hall | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening, George and his 2 apprentices quietly parked their pickups in front of Mildred's house....walked home.... and left the trucks there all night! ____________________________________________________ | Today, August 29, in 1828 A patent was issued to Robert Turner for the self- regulating wagon brake. It was never produced. 1833 The "Factory Act" was passed in England to settle child labor laws. 1842 The Treaty of Nanking was signed by the British and the Chinese. The treaty ended the first Opium War, gave Britain a right and monopoly to sell opium in China and gave the island of Hong Kong to Britain. 1885 The first prizefight under the Marquis of Queensberry Rules was held in Cincinnati, OH. John L. Sullivan defeated Dominick McCaffery in six rounds. 1886 In New York City, Chinese Ambassador Li Hung-chang's chef invented chop suey. 1892 Pop (Billy) Shriver (Chicago Cubs) caught a ball that was dropped from the top of the Washington Monument in Washington, DC. 1944 During the continuing celebration of the liberation of France from the Nazis, 15,000 American troops marched down the Champs Elysees in Paris. 1945 U.S. General Douglas MacArthur left for Japan to officially accept the surrender of the Japanese. 1949 At the University of Illinois, a nuclear device was used for the first time to treat cancer patients. 1957 Senator Strom Thurmond of South Carolina set a filibuster record in the U.S. when he spoke for 24 hours and 18 minutes. 1962 The lower level of the George Washington Bridge opened. 1965 Gemini 5, carrying astronauts Gordon Cooper and Charles ("Pete") Conrad, splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean after eight days in space. 1983 Two U.S. marines were killed in Lebanon by the militia group Amal when they fired mortar shells at the Beirut airport. 1983 The anchor of the USS Monitor, from the U.S. Civil War, was retrieved by divers. 1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, in a television interview, declared that America could not defeat Iraq. 1991 The Communist Party in the Soviet Union had its bank accounts frozen and activities were suspended because of the Party's role in the failed coup attempt against Mikhail Gorbachev. 1991 The republics of Russia and Ukraine signed an agreement to stay in the Soviet Union. 1992 The U.N. Security Council agreed to send troops to Somalia to guard the shipments of food. 1994 Mario Lemieux announced that he would be taking a medical leave of absence due to fatigue, an aftereffect of his 1993 radiation treatments. He would sit out the National Hockey Leagues (NHL) 1994-95 season. 1998 Northwest Airlines pilots went on strike after their union rejected a last-minute company offer. 2004 India test-launched a nuclear-capable missle able to carry a one-ton warhead. The weapon had a range of 1,560 miles. 2017 Do smiled. |
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