Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, November 28 Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award:  Florida man stabs woman over undercooked potato  ______________________________________________________ Today, November 28 in 1963 U.S. President Johnson announced that Cape Canaveral would be renamed Cape Kennedy in honor of his assassinated predecessor. The name was changed back to Cape Canaveral in 1973 by a vote of residents. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. --- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) ______________________________________________________ Late one night in the capitol city a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a US Congressman!" "In that case," replied the robber, "give me MY money!" ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sue for this story: After being laid off, I papered the town with my resume. Days passed, and I hadn't received a single phone call. I decided to take a closer look at the copies my husband had printed at his real estate office. I quickly realized that he hadn't put blank paper into the machine. At the bottom of each copy, written in bold type, was a common real estate disclaimer: "The information contained herein, while deemed to be accurate, is not guaranteed." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ The following ads appeared in a newspaper over a period of four days, the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake. MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap. TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read, "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 555- 0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M." WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale - - R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him." THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 555-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she quit. ______________________________________________________   Awww, Shut Up!! _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Kenneth Crumpton, 36, Yulee, Florida  Florida man stabs woman over undercooked potato  Facebook A Yulee man was jailed in Nassau County after he reportedly stabbed a woman over an undercooked potato, deputies said. Kenneth Crumpton, 36, is charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon after he reportedly used a fork to stab a woman in the head, a Nassau County Sheriff's Office report said. The victim told a witness that she was stabbed in the head with a fork. Crumpton denied stabbing the victim and said that he threw the fork and it "glanced off her head," the arrest report said, The victim had multiple stab wounds and visible blood on her head, deputies said. She refused treatment, the report said. 
 From:Karl Re: PUSH Mail  Dear Webby what exactly is "Push Mail"? I got one of those smart phones and one of the reviews said it was a "Push Mailer's dream". Hope you get those votes and Happy New Year! Karl  Dear Karl Traditional mail is "Pull". It patiently waits on the server, until you pull it down into your computer. Push mail is like cell phone calls, it is pushed at you at your most inconvenient time, for example when you are in the shower, or talking to somebody. I'll pass on that. Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 The District Judge in our county is a no-nonsense woman who has never left any doubt as to her professionalism. What those of us who work in the court didn't know was whether she had a sense of humor. The matter was put to rest the morning an older woman was testifying before the judge. Several times during the proceedings the woman addressed the judge as "Honey." Finally the judge looked the woman in the eye and said, "That's Judge Honey." 
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 "Did your wife have much to say when you got home last night?" "No, but that didn't keep her from yelling for two hours." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Buy Christmas Items  Right after Christmas is a great time to buy Christmas decorations, wrapping paper and cards at clearance prices. Only buy items you know you will use and put them in a clearly marked box. Candy and chocolate is also on sale, you can freeze for baking. 8 Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
 
 
536 Was a Garbage Year for Mankind (So Give 2018 a Break) 
 ___________________________________________________ Q: How do I make my wife stop buying all these expensive gloves? A: Buy her a diamond ring. ___________________________________________________ People made the following calls this year to the British RSPCA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals): A woman claiming that the "Beast of Bodmin Moor" was outside her door and laying siege to her house. The "beast" turned out to be her new telephone books in a black plastic bag. A person who reported a black swan trapped on a building roof that ended up being a black plastic bag flapping in the wind. A person who called to report an injured magpie on their driveway which ended up being a black and white Nike sneaker. The many people calling to report birds trapped within their walls and fireplaces that turn out to be the "chirping" of their smoke alarms warning of low batteries. ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on College Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Plowing has been completed. The six hundred and twentseven students who went to move 26 cars can return to class now."  
 Today November 28 in 1520 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the Pacific Ocean after passing through the South American strait. The strait was named after him. He was the first European to sail the Pacific from the east. 1582 William Shakespeare and Anne Hathaway were married. 1757 English poet, painter and engraver William Blake was born. Two of his best known works are "Songs of Innocence" and "Songs of Experience." 1919 American-born Lady Astor was elected the first female member of the British Parliament. 1922 Capt. Cyril Turner of the Royal Air Force gave the first public exhibition of skywriting. He spelled out, "Hello USA. Call Vanderbilt 7200" over New York's Times Square. 1925 The Grand Ole Opry made its radio debut on station WSM. 1942 In Boston, MA, 491 people died in a fire that destroyed the Coconut Grove. 1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill and Soviet Leader Joseph Stalin met in Tehran to map out strategy concerning World War II. 1953 New York City began 11 days without newspapers due to a strike of photoengravers. 1958 The African nation of Chad became an autonomous republic within the French community. 1963 U.S. President Johnson announced that Cape Canaveral would be renamed Cape Kennedy in honor of his assassinated predecessor. The name was changed back to Cape Canaveral in 1973 by a vote of residents. 1964 The U.S. launched the space probe Mariner IV from Cape Canaveral on a course set for Mars. 1978 The Iranian government banned religious marches. 1979 An Air New Zealand DC-10 flying to the South Pole crashed in Antarctica killing all 257 people aboard. 1983 The space shuttle Columbia took off with the STS-9 Spacelab in its cargo bay. 1985 The Irish Senate approved the Anglo-Irish accord concerning Northern Ireland. 1987 A South African Airways Boeing 747 crashed into the Indian Ocean. All 159 people aboard were killed. 1989 Romanian gymnast Nadia Comaneci arrived in New York after escaping her homeland through Hungary. 1990 Margaret Thatcher resigned as prime minister of Britain. 1992 In Bosnia-Herzegovina, 137 tons of food and supplies were to be delivered to the isolated town of Srebrenica. 1992 In King William's Town, South Africa, black militant gunmen attacked a country club killing four people and injuring 20. 1994 Jeffrey Dahmer, a convicted serial killer, was clubbed to death in a Wisconsin prison by a fellow inmate. 1994 Norwegian voters rejected European Union membership. 1995 U.S. President Clinton signed a $6 billion road bill that ended the federal 55 mph speed limit. 2010 WikiLeaks released to the public more than 250,000 U.S. diplomatic cables. About 100,000 were marked "secret" or "confidential." 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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