Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, July 26 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Polie ID suspect in pregnant woman's murder ___________________________________________________ Today, July 26 in 1907 The Chester was launched. It was the first steam turbine- propelled ship. ____________________________________________________ Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. --- Pablo Picasso (1881 - 1973) ____________________________________________________ Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, waiting for you to come home," she said. "What an example of true love," Dave replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?" "Honey," she answered, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door with my rolling pin." ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian Rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she accidentally breaks wind. Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident. As she turns there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day M'am, how may we help you today?" Very uncomfortable she asks, "Sir how much does this rug cost?" He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, what is going to happen to your pants when you hear the price?" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jonathan Xavier Dorado, 19, Los Banos, California, USA Polie ID suspect in pregnant woman's murder Police released the name and photo of a man who allegedly shot and killed Gilroy native Tatyanna Mariah Lopez and her unborn child in an April incident in Merced. The Merced Police Department on July 16 posted on Facebook that officers are looking for Jonathan Xavier Dorado, 19, of Los Banos, in relation to the April 18 murder of 19-year-old Lopez, who was more than eight months pregnant when she was shot to death. Injured in the shooting was Lopezs boyfriend, Angel Legrande, 20, who has not cooperated with investigators, according to police. The shooting occurred outside a residence on the 1400 block of Conestoga Drive in Merced, about 9:50pm April 18. Through their diligent efforts in recent months investigating the case, Merced Police detectives identified Lopezs murderer as Dorado, says the July 16 social media post. A warrant has been issued for Dorados arrest, and police are asking for help from the public locating him. Lopez and Legrande were living together in Los Banos at the time of the shooting. Lopez had about two weeks left in her pregnancy, according to her grandmother, Anna Navarro, who lives in Gilroy. She was going to name her daughter Alyanna. DearWebby's tech support pits From: Frank Re: Mouse problems Dear Webby Have question and need advice I use a Logitech LX-8 cordless Laser Mouse purchased in Aug. 2015. It takes many many attempts to highlight and copy one of your jokes. It does not matter whether i start at either the top or bottom of the joke but it may only highlight a few letters or lines and will not finish the remainder. It took between 7-10 attempts this morning to get a full joke. The longer the joke the more attempts are required to copy the full joke. The batteries were replaced in May. The issue has been going on for months but is now much worse. Would appreciate your advice and if a new one is needed, where to purchase. I do prefer wireless. Peace and Blessings from AC KS Frank Dear Frank That is NOT a Logitech problem, but a Microsoft problem. Changing to a Microsoft mouse would not make any difference. I have a Logitech mouse like yours, but wired, on one machine, and a wireless Microsoft mouse on the other. Identical problem. Microsoft says you should downgrade to W10, but that does not help at all. Running CrapCleaner does seem to help quite noticeably. Usually I wind up putting the cursor at the begin of what I want to copy, hold down SHIFT, and then use the DOWN key to select what I need. Yes, I know it is klutzy, but it cuts down on the cussing. Have FUN! DearWebby As the passengers settled in on a West Coast commuter flight, a flight attendant announced, "We'd like you folks to help us welcome our new co-pilot. He'll be performing his first commercial landing for us today, so be sure to give him a big round of applause when we come to a stop." The plane made an extremely bumpy landing, bouncing hard a few times times before smoothing out. Still, the passengers applauded. Then the attendant's voice came over the intercom, "Thanks for flying with us. And don't forget to let our co- pilot know which of his three landings you liked best." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Two country bumpkins in England get married and go to the city for their honeymoon. They go into their hotel room for the night and get in bed, and neither of them knows what to do now. They look out the window and see some sailors outside. "I'll bet they can help us!" says the husband, and runs downstairs. A sailor comes up back with him. He takes a piece of chalk and draws a circle on the floor several feet away from the bed. "Now I want you to watch me carefully, but no matter what I do, do not step out of the circle," says the sailor. The husband is standing in the circle while the sailor proceeds to make wild passionate love to the wife for a few hours. The sailor stands up afterwards and sees that the husband is giggling. "What's so funny?!" asks the sailor. The husband answers, "I stepped out of the circle three times, and you didn't even notice!" The sailor rolls his eyes up, sighs and says: "Looks like you haven't learned yet. I'll have to show you again. But first you are going to buy us all a nice supper!" ____________________________________________ Anthony and Kathy married. Anthony thought this would be a modern marriage which meant equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, Anthony brought Kathy breakfast in bed. Kathy wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, Anthony brought her a scrambled egg. Kathy wasn't having any of it. "Why can't I have some variety? I wanted poached this morning!" Determined to please Kathy, the next morning he brought her two eggs - one scrambled and one poached. "Here, my love... enjoy!" Kathy was furious, "You Bozo, you scrambled the wrong egg!" ____________________________________________ Tom was being evaluated for mental problems and was asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do?" Tom replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!" The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?" Tom replied, "The same place you got your silly train!" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, July 26, in 1775 A postal system was established by the 2nd Continental Congress of the United States. The first Postmaster General was Benjamin Franklin. 1788 New York became the 11th state to ratify the U.S. Constitution. 1881 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny execute a patent application for a facsimile telegraph (U.S. Pat. 479,184). 1893 Commercial production of the Addressograph started in Chicago, IL. 1907 The Chester was launched. It was the first steam turbine- propelled ship. 1945 Winston Churchill resigned as Britain's prime minister. 1948 U.S. President Truman signed executive orders that prohibited discrimination in the U.S. armed forces and federal employment. 1952 King Farouk I of Egypt abdicated in the wake of a coup led by Gamal Abdel Nasser. 1953 Fidel Castro began his revolt against Fulgencio Batista with an unsuccessful attack on an army barracks in eastern Cuba. Castro eventually ousted Batista with US help six years later. 1956 Egyptian President Gamal Abdel Nasser nationalized the Suez Canal. 1971 Apollo 15 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL. 1998 AT&T and British Telecommunications PLC announced they were forming a joint venture to combine international operations and develop a new Internet system. 1999 1,500 pieces of Marilyn Monroe's personal items went on display at Christie's in New York, NY. The items went on sale later in 1999. 2016 Hillary Clinton became the first woman to top a majority party ticket for President of the United States. 2018 Facebook lost $119 billion in market value. 2021 Do smiled. |
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