Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, November 17 Ice Age is Coming! ____________________________________________________ Today, November 17 in 1913 The steamship Louise became the first ship to travel through the Panama Canal. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Man Claims Wind Blew Bag Of Coke Into His Car _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time. --- Edith Wharton (1862 - 1937) Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead. --- Erma Bombeck (1927 - 1996) _______________________________________________ A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!" ________________________________________________` ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joseph Zak, 37 Fort Pierce, Florida Man Claims Wind Blew Bag Of Coke Into His Car During a traffic stop, a Florida Man told police that the wind may have blown a bag of cocaine residue into his vehicle, according to an arrest affidavit. Cops in Fort Pierce last month pulled over a vehicle driven by Joseph Zak, 37, after the car did not pause at a stop sign around 9:40 PM. With Zak's sedan still in motion, an officer spotted Zak making furtive movements, leaning over towards the center console as attempting to discard an item out the passenger window. After Zak's auto came to a stop, an officer approached the car and saw the suspect trying to conceal an open can of Budweiser. A subsequent search of the car turned up a glass crack pipe and a clear baggie with a whitish residue, which tested positive for crack cocaine, police reported. Questioned about the baggie, Zak (seen above) denied ownership of the item and claimed that the police or the wind must have placed it there. Pictured above, Zak was subsequently arrested on multiple charges and booked into the St. Lucie County jail (from which he was later released on bond). Zak, who works as a painter, is scheduled for a December 3 arraignment hearing. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Elon Re: Print labels Dear Webby, Not the Elon, who shoots his not working cars to the sun instead of to the dump. I am the other one, the one whose secretary is on maternity leave. I need to print a bunch of address labels. I know it can be done with Open Office, but how? Thanks Elon Dear Elon Try FILE, NEW, Text Document In there write your address label. Use a small font like 10 for the sender line, and a large like 16 for the Destination part. You can even put a fashionably thin line in between the FROM and the TO part. Then hit FILE, NEW, Labels Most label blanks are either Avery or have an Avery Compatible number. I usually use Staples brand, which is a lot cheaper than Avery, but works just as well. For 2 columns 5 rows sheets the number is 5163. For BRAND select Avery Letter Size, because that is the type of 10 label sheets I use. For TYPE select 5163 Address / Shipping FORMAT: Sheet Now copy the text from the text document, where you made it look pretty, and paste it into the big LABEL TEXT field Now you can close that. Seems kinda dumb, but that's the way it works. FILE, NEW And surprise, surprise! The new document has 2 columns with 5 rows each, and the label text in them. You may have to pretty them up again with fonts and sizes. CTRL A to select all, and fix the font. CTRL A to select All, CTRL C to copy the contents of that label jump to the next one, CTRL A to select all in that, CTRL V to paste what you had copied over that. There may be a way to make all 10 labels the same automatically, but I have not searched for that. It is fast enough to do the Copy/Paste. When they all look perfect, hit CTRL P to print. Make sure you have the right printer selected. Most printers print onto the side, that is facing up. To make sure yours does too, scribble onto the top sheet or use an old garbage sheet and print onto that. Look at the output. Did itprint onto what you had facing up? If not, then you know that your to be printed side is facing down. Now that you have that figured out, put the label sheets in there facing correctly, and hit CTRL P Just print one to test. If it comes out OK, print as many sheets as you need. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. My feisty 70-year-old neighbor Frances had to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a $70 bill for labor. "Labor charges!" Frances exclaimed. "It only took you five minutes." The repairman explained that his company had a minimum one-hour charge on every house call. "Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of labor," my neighbor responded and she handed him a rake. He spent the next 55 minutes in her back yard bagging leaves. Then he charged her an hour extra for traveling time. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asks, "Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?" To which he replies, "Lady, I'm in sales, not management." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Don't Bag It, Use It Use the grass clippings to help feed your lawn. The clippings will work as slow release fertilizer for your lawn and help encourage growth. If the grass clippings are in clumps, use a rake to spread them out. Clumps of grass will create a thatch problem which will smother the lawn. Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ While talking with my semi-deaf uncle one evening, I noticed that his "hearing aid" was actually an earphone from a transistor radio. The wire had been cut and was sticking out of his shirt. "How does that help your hearing?" I asked. "Don't help my hearing none," he replied. "Makes people talk louder." ___________________________________________________ When I took my baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time, I dressed her in pink from head to toe. At the store, I placed her in the shopping cart, put my purchases around her, and headed for the checkout line. A small boy and his mother were ahead of me. The child was crying and begging for some special treat. He wants some candy or gum and his mother won't let him have any, I thought. Then I heard his mother's reply. "No!" she said, and, looking in my direction. "You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one!" ___________________________________________________ A man rushed into a jewelry store, told the clerk he needed a pair of diamond earrings for his wedding anniversary, and quickly made his selection. When asked if he wanted them wrapped, he replied, "That would be great, but hurry. My wife thinks I'm taking out the garbage!" __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, November 17 in 1558 Elizabeth I ascended the English throne upon the death of Queen Mary Tudor. 1603 Sir Walter Raleigh went on trial for treason. 1796 Catherine the Great of Russia died at the age of 67. 1798 Irish nationalist leader Wolfe Tone committed suicide while in jail awaiting execution. 1869 The Suez Canal opened in Egypt, linking the Mediterranean and the Red Sea. 1880 The first three British female graduates received their Bachelor of Arts degrees from London University. 1903 Russia's Social Democrats officially split into two groups Bolsheviks and Mensheviks. 1904 The first underwater submarine journey was taken, from Southampton, England, to the Isle of Wight. 1913 The steamship Louise became the first ship to travel through the Panama Canal. 1913 In Germany, Kaiser Wilhelm banned the armed forces from dancing the tango. 1922 Siberia voted for union with the U.S.S.R. 1962 Washington's Dulles International Airport was dedicated by U.S. President Kennedy. 1968 NBC cut away from the final minutes of a New York Jets- Oakland Raiders game to begin a TV special, "Heidi," on schedule. The Raiders came from behind to beat the Jets 43-32. 1970 The Soviet Union landed an unmanned, remote-controlled vehicle on the moon, the Lunokhod 1. The vehicle was released by Luna 17. 1973 U.S. President Nixon told an Associated Press managing editors meeting in Orlando, FL, "people have got to know whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I'm not a crook." 1979 Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini ordered the release of 13 female and black American hostages being held at the U.S. Embassy in Tehran. 1982 The Empire State Building was added to the National Register of Historical Places. 1988 Benazir Bhutto became the first woman leader of an Islamic country. She was elected in the first democratic elections in Pakistan in 11 years. 1990 A mass grave was discovered by the bridge over the River Kwai in Thailand. The bodies were believed to be those of World War II prisoners of war. 1990 The Soviet government agreed to change the country's constitution. 1997 62 people were killed by 6 Islamic militants outside the Temple of Hatshepsut in Luxor, Egypt. The attackers were killed by police. 1997 Mario Lemieux was voted into the NHL Hall of Fame. 2001 "Toys "R" Us Times Square The Center of the Toy Universe" opened in New York City. 2006 Sony's PlayStation 3 went on sale in the United States. 2010 Reasearchers trapped 38 antihydrogen atoms. It was the first time humans had trapped antimatter. 2019 Do smiled. |
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