Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, March 9 ___________________________________________________ Today, March 9 in 1965 The first U.S. combat troops arrived in South Vietnam. ______________________________________________________ I have such poor vision I can date anybody. --- Garry Shandling (1949 - ) Yeah, me too. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Kansas felon tried to pass fake $100 to Sheriff's office __________________________________________ Consider the poor fellow who showed up at work one morning sleepless and haggard. "What happened to you?" the fellow at the next desk asked. "I was up nearly all night," the man said. "My wife and I had a terrible argument. She became historical." "You mean hysterical," the co-worker replied. "No. Historical," the man said. "She went over absolutely everything I've done wrong over the last 25 years." __________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for sending this picture: __________________________________________ An Indian, a man of some years, is hanging around a film crew on location deep in the desert. One day he goes up to the director and says, "Tomorrow rain." The next day, it rains. A week later, the old fellow walks up to the director and says, "Tomorrow storm." The next day, there is a hailstorm. "This Indian is incredible," the director says. He tells his secretary to hire the man to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian disappears. Finally, the director sends for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," says the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?" The Indian shrugs his shoulders. "Don't know. They repossessed the TV." ___________________________________________________ Reported by Mark: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Karl Landon, 43, ABILENE, Kansas Kansas felon tried to pass fake $100 to Sheriff's office Authorities say a convicted felon was arrested after he tried to use a fake $100 bill to add money to a jailed inmates account. The Dickinson County Sheriffs Office said an employee immediately recognized the bill as a counterfeit Wednesday and notified investigators. Forty-three-year-old Karl Landon Jr. is jailed on suspicion of possession of counterfeited currency with the intent to defraud. Kansas Department of Corrections records show that he has previous convictions, including for assault, battery and drugs. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Spreadsheet grid lines Hi Dear Webby, I again seek your invaluable help with how to show grid lines from a spread sheet list when printing it Thanks mucho as always. Be well, live long, prosper, and Carpe Diem, Walter Dear Walter That depends on the spreadsheet you aew using. Open office / office libre calc, microsoft excel, quattro pro, etc. They all do it slightly differently. Usually they have a button, that has grid lines. That lets you choose what kind of grid lines you want, horizontal, vertical, both, just the selection, etc. I usually use "just the selection" that way I can have normal text with just a spreadsheet insert. Look for that button with a spreadsheet grid on it, make your selection, and experiment. Once you are in that button, it's easy. Have FUN! DearWebby
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____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________ Learning from his doctor that he had but a year to live, a man goes to his minister to ask for advice. The minister ponders the situation for a moment, then says: "Tell you what. Go buy an old pickup truck, marry the ugliest woman you can find and go live together in an old trailer in the wastelands of Oklahoma." "Will that help me live longer?" the downhearted man asks. "I'm afraid not," the minister says. "But it'll make the time you have left seem like forever." _____________________________________________ One woman in the checkout line was laden with a mop, broom and a cart full of cleaning products. The line was slow and she sighed and complained often to others waiting with her. Finally reaching the cashier, she was slowed again when the price of a cleaning liquid had to be checked. "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Easter!" she proclaimed to the entire store. "Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom, you'll be home in no time." ____________________________________________ The priest was preparing for Mass when an IRS agent arrived. The agent asked: "Father, do you know a Mr. Mahoney?" "Why yes I do," the priest replied. "He's been a member in good standing in this parish for many years." "Did he make a $50,000 donation to the church as he claimed on his tax return?" Without missing a beat, the priest replied, "Rest assured he will, my son -- he definitely will." ____________________________________________ | No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today March 9 in 1454 Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. He wrote about the American continent without having been there.Matthias Ringmann, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in his honor. Amerigo eventually did manage to visit Amerika many years later, 1617 The Treaty of Stolbovo ended the occupation of Northern Russia by Swedish troops. 1734 The Russians took Danzig (Gdansk) in Poland. 1745 The first carillon was shipped from England to Boston, MA. 1793 Jean Pierre Blanchard made the first balloon flight in North America. The event was witnessed by U.S. President George Washington. 1796 Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine de Beauharnais were married. They were divorced in 1809. 1799 The U.S. Congress contracted with Simeon North, of Berlin, CT, for 500 horse pistols at the price of $6.50 each. 1812 Swedish Pomerania was seized by Napoleon. 1820 The U.S. Congress passed the Land Act that paved the way for westward expansion of North America. 1822 Charles M. Graham received the first patent for artificial teeth. 1832 Abraham Lincoln announced that he would run for a political office for the first time. He was unsuccessful in his run for a seat in the Illinois state legislature. 1839 The French Academy of Science announced the Daguerreotype photo process. 1858 Albert Potts was awarded a patent for the letter box. 1859 The National Association of Baseball Players adopted the rule that limited the size of bats to no more than 2- 1/2 inches in diameter. 1860 The first Japanese ambassador to the U.S. was appointed. 1862 During the U.S. Civil War, the ironclads Monitor and Virginia (built from the remnants of the USS Merrimack fought to a draw in a five-hour battle at Hampton Roads, Virginia. 1863 General Ulysses Grant was appointed commander-in-chief of the Union forces. 1897 A patent was issued to William Spinks and William Hoskins for cue chalk. 1900 In Germany, women petition Reichstag for the right to take university entrance exams. 1905 In Egypt, U.S. archeologist Davies discovered the royal tombs of Tua and Yua. 1905 In Manchuria, Japanese troops surrounded 200,000 Russian troops that were retreating from Mudken. 1905 In Congo, Belgian Vice Gov. Costermans committed suicide following an investigation of colonial policy. 1906 In the Philippines, fifteen Americans and 600 Moros were killed in the last two days of fighting. 1909 The French National Assembly passed an income tax bill. 1910 Union men urged for a national sympathy strike for miners in Pennsylvania. 1911 The funding for five new battleships was added to the British military defense budget. 1916 Mexican raiders led by Pancho Villa attacked Columbus, New Mexico. 17 people were killed by the 1,500 horsemen. 1932 Eamon De Valera was elected president of the Irish Free State and pledged to abolish all loyalty to the British Crown. 1933 The U.S. Congress began its 100 days of enacting New Deal legislation. 1936 The German press warned that all Jews who vote in the upcoming elections would be arrested. 1945 During World War II, U.S. B-29 bombers launched incendiary bomb attacks against Japan. 1946 The A.F.L. accused Juan Peron of using the army to establish a dictatorship over Argentine labor. 1949 The first all-electric dining car was placed in service on the Illinois Central Railroad. 1956 British authorities arrested and deported Archbishop Makarios from Cyprus. He was accused of supporting terrorists. 1957 Egyptian leader Nasser barred U.N. plans to share the tolls for the use of the Suez Canal. 1959 Mattel introduced Barbie at the annual Toy Fair in New York. 1964 Production began on the first Ford Mustang. 1965 The first U.S. combat troops arrived in South Vietnam. 1967 Svetlana Alliluyeva, Josef Stalin's daughter defected to the United States. 1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline. 1975 Iraq launched an offensive against the rebel Kurds. 1977 About a dozen armed Hanafi Muslims invaded three buildings in Washington, DC. They killed one person and took more than 130 hostages. The siege ended two days later. 1983 The official Soviet news agency TASS says that U.S. President Reagan is full of "bellicose lunatic anti- communism." 1985 "Gone With The Wind" went on sale in video stores across the U.S. for the first time. 1986 U.S. Navy divers found the crew compartment of the space shuttle Challenger along with the remains of the astronauts. 1987 Chrysler Corporation offered to buy American Motors Corporation. 1989 The U.S. Senate rejected John Tower as a choice for a cabinet member. It was the first rejection in 30 years. 1989 In Maylasia, 30 Asian nations conferred on the issue of "boat people." 1989 In the U.S., a strike forced Eastern Airlines into bankruptcy. 1989 In the U.S., President George H.W. Bush urged for a mandatory death penalty in drug-related killings. 1990 Dr. Antonia Novello was sworn in as the first female and Hispanic surgeon general. 1993 Rodney King testified at the federal trial of four Los Angeles police officers accused of violating his civil rights. (California) 1995 The Canadian Navy arrested a Spanish trawler for illegally fishing off of Newfoundland. 2000 In Norway, the coalition government of Kjell Magne Bondevik resigned as a result of an environmental dispute. 2011 Illinois Governor Pat Quinn signed legislation that abolished the death penalty in his state. 2020 Do smiled. |
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