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Today's Bonehead Award goes to NM Brothers arrested for selling dope from Porta-Potty Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 10, in 1945 American B-29 bombers attacked Tokyo, Japan, 100,000 civilians were killed. History ______________________________________________________ The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing. --- Henry S. Haskins "He who knows others is wise; He who knows himself is enlightened." --- Lao-Tzu ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Wendy It's an Irish thing ya know see you all of a sudden Fox is cowering down to the president... In response to President Obama's complaint that FOX doesn't show enough Black and Hispanic people on their network, FOX has announced today that they will now air, "America's Most Wanted" twice a week. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The truck driver looked suspiciously at the soup he had just been served in a backwoods eatery. It contained dark flecks of seasoning, but two of the spots were suspicious. Hey, he called out to the waitress, these things in my soup arent they foreign objects? She is scrutinizing his bowl. No, sir! she reassured him. Those things live around here. ______________________________________________________ >From FB ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andres Plata, 18 and his brother Aaron Gonzales, 22, Albuquerque, New Mexico NM Brothers arrested for selling dope from Porta-Potty Police say an Albuquerque drug dealer, who was doing business out of an adult video store's portable toilet was busted. The Albuquerque Journal reports 22-year-old Aaron Gonzales was arrested in the Pussycat Video store's parking lot on Tuesday and is facing drug-trafficking charges. Andres Plata, his 18 year old brother, who is accused of leading an undercover officer to Gonzales, also was arrested. Court documents show Plata, who said he was Gonzales' brother, took the officer to the porta-potty after he asked him for heroin. The officer ended up buying $10 worth of heroin and $10 worth of methamphetamine as part of the investigation before Gonzales was arrested. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Penny Re: Previous issues, and Microsoft phone calls Dear Webby Would you be so kind as to e-mail me the pics and the story of the dumb girl who made her own license plate? I have some friends who works at BMV and they would love it ! I thought I saved it, but when I went to the file it wasn't all there. Also, I am still getting calls from "Microsoft". I got into a bit of a shouting match with one the other day. I told her I know it BS and to remove my phone number from the call list. She insisted she was from Microsoft. I hung up. I'm getting these calls often on both house phone and cellphone. I just feel bad for the ones who actually DO fall for the BS. Thanks. enjoy your daily smiles Penny Dear Penny Just go to http://webby.com/humor/blog and scoot down to that day. All the old Humor letters are there going back many years. Actually, there are always about 10 years in the blog. Re the Microsoft calls, did you know that they really hate it when you call them Microslop ? They got me blacklisted and don't call me anymore. No sense of HaHa. There is all kinds of silliness you can prank them with. When I see a fake state name instead of a company name or number in the Caller ID, then sometimes I answer with "Black Diamond Psychic Readings. Youuuu have a DIRTY mind and shouuuuud be ashamed of yourself!!!" Click Other times I answer in a low, slow and really evil voice and tell them: "You have done it. Now I am going to (in a voice that they expect me to say I was going to rip their head off and stuff it up their ass) tell Santa about you!" Click Remember, it's all for YOUR fun. Sometimes I tell them to hold a moment and put the phone down in front of the speaker and let them listen to http://AccuRadio.com, and my typing in the background. Eventually they all give up. There are lots of free text-to-speech programs available. There is one even built into Windows. Get some junior teens to write you a list of all the cusswords that they have ever heard. Then pick a voice like ROBOT, or John Wayne or whoever strikes your fancy, to read that list. You can tweak it faster, slower, higher, lower, etc. When you got it sounding the most intimidating, record it with Audacity, or any audio recorder, into an MP4 file, that you can save onto the desktop. Hit that icon and have your ROBOT or John Wayne cuss at them at length. Don't get an ulcer! Get even ;-) Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Roy was going to bed the other night when Carla told him that he had left the light on in the shed. She could see from the bedroom window. As Roy looked for hiself, he saw that there were people in the shed taking things. He phoned the police, but they told him that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available. Roy made sure they had the correct address, then said OK, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello. I just called you a minute ago because there were people burglaring my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because my neighbor shot them all. Now HE is in that shed! He probably has his cocaine stash in there." Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: "I thought you said that your neighbor shot them!" Roy replied, "I thought you said there was nobody available!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Plastic Bags Using Football Fold By lalala... [732 Posts, 97 Comments] Did you ever make paper napkin footballs when you were a kid? Well that childhood activity has a fabulous adulthood use too. Folding your plastic grocery bags using the football fold will reduce the space you need to store them. Plus it also makes them small enough to have a few on hand in your purse or diaper bag. Supplies: plastic shopping bags Steps: Lay the shopping bag flat and smooth it out. Fold the bag in half, lengthwise. Fold the bag in half again. Smooth it out. Start at the bottom of the bag, fold the lower left corner over towards the right side, creating a triangle shape. NOTE: By starting at the bottom of the bag, you will push out any air that is in the bag. Now fold the triangle upward, staying on the right side. Next fold the triangle over to the left side. Repeat until you reach the handle end of the bag. Tuck the handle end into the little pocket that was created. tuck ends infinished football I previously knotted our plastic bags, as you can see the football fold makes them much smaller! ______________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
_____________________________________________________ This one is a classic, that keeps coming back: A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The materials we put into our stomachs are enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, causes the most misery and yet all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea." The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake?" ___________________________________________________ | Marsha Brody, You Bet Your Life You have to listen very carefully :D |
____________________________________________________ At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his workmen. "Paddy," he asked casually, "didn't you once tell me that you had a brother who was a bishop?" "That I did, sir." "And you are a bricklayer! It sure is a funny old world. Things in life aren't divided equally, are they?" "No, that they ain't sir," agreed Paddy, as he proudly slap- ped the mortar along the line of bricks. "My poor brother, he is such a fookin klutz, he couldn't lay one straight brick to save his life!" ____________________________________________________ There was this Chinese businessman visiting a newly acquired business in the United States. As a gesture of good will, the executives of his newly acquired business took him to a golf course for a round of golf. He had never played the game before. Upon his return to China, his family asked what he had done in the United States. He replied, "Played most interesting game. Hit little white ball with long stick in large cow pasture. Name of game is "Oh @#$%." ____________________________________________________ | Learn Italian hand gestures. |
| Today on March 10 0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the Battle of Aegusa. 0049 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon and invaded Italy. 1496 Christopher Columbus concluded his second visit to the Western Hemisphere when he left Hispaniola for Spain. 1629 England's King Charles I dissolved Parliament and did not call it back for 11 years. 1656 In the American colony of Virginia, suffrage was extended to all free men regardless of their religion. 1792 John Stone patented the pile driver. 1804 The formal ceremonies transferring the Louisiana Purchase from France to the U.S. took place in St. Louis. 1806 The Dutch in Cape Town, South Africa surrendered to the British. 1814 In France, Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated by a combined Allied Army at the battle of Laon. 1848 The U.S. Senate ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, which ended the war with Mexico. 1876 Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful call with the telephone. He spoke the words "Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you." 1880 The Salvation Army arrived in the U.S. from England. 1893 New Mexico State University canceled its first graduation ceremony because the only graduate was robbed and killed the night before. 1902 The Boers of South Africa scored their last victory over the British, when they captured British General Methuen and 200 men. 1902 Tochangri, Turkey, was entirely wiped out by an earthquake. 1903 Harry C. Gammeter patented the multigraph duplicating machine. 1906 In France, 1,200 miners were buried in an explosion at Courrieres. 1909 Britain extracted territorial concessions from Siam and Malaya. 1910 Slavery was abolished in China. 1912 China became a republic after the overthrow of the Manchu Ch'ing Dynasty. 1924 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a New York state law forbidding late-night work for women. 1927 Prussia lifted its Nazi ban allowing Adolf Hitler to speak in public. 1933 Nevada became the first U.S. state to regulate drugs. 1941 The Brooklyn Dodgers announced that their players would begin wearing batting helmets during the 1941 season. 1941 Vichy France threatened to use its navy unless Britain allowed food to reach France. 1944 The Irish refused to oust all Axis envoys and denied the accusation of spying on Allied troops. 1945 American B-29 bombers attacked Tokyo, Japan, 100,000 civilians were killed. 1947 The Big Four met in Moscow to discuss the future of Germany. 1949 Nazi wartime broadcaster Mildred E. Gillars, also known as "Axis Sally," was convicted in Washington, DC. of treason and served 12 years in prison. 1953 North Korean gunners at Wonsan fired upon the USS Missouri. The ship responded by firing 998 rounds at the enemy position. 1966 The North Vietnamese captured a Green Beret camp at Ashau Valley. 1966 France withdrew from NATO's military command to protest U.S. dominance of the alliance and asked NATO to move its headquarters from Paris. 1971 The U.S. Senate approved an amendment to lower the voting age to 18. 1975 The North Vietnamese Army attacked the South Vietnamese town of Ban Me Thout. 1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to the militants holding American hostages in Tehran. 1982 The U.S. banned Libyan oil imports due to their continued support of terrorism. 1987 The Vatican condemned surrogate parenting as well as test-tube and artificial insemination. 1990 Haitian President Prosper Avril was ousted 18 months after seizing power in a coup. 1991 "Phase Echo" began. It was the operation to withdraw 540,000 U.S. troops from the Persian Gulf region. 1994 White House officials began testifying before a federal grand jury about the Whitewater controversy. 1998 U.S. troops in the Persian Gulf began receiving the first vaccinations against anthrax. 2002 The Associated Press reported that the Pentagon informed the U.S. Congress in January that it was making contingency plans for the possible use of nuclear weapons against countries that threaten the U.S. with weapons of mass destruction, including Iraq and North Korea. 2003 North Korea test-fired a short-range missile. The event was one of several in a pattern of unusual military maneuvers. 2016 Do smiled. |
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