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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, December 6, in 1774, Austria became the first nation to introduce a state education system. ____________________________________________________ Bonehed Award: JESUS JAILED BY BOCA RATON POLICE _____________________________________________________ Q A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B. --- Fats Domino (1928 - 2017) Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at. --- Jimmy Demaret ____________________________________________________ "I'm prescribing these pills for you," said the doctor to the overweight patient, who tipped the scales at about three hundred pounds. "I don't want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time." __________________________________________________ An elderly fellow was taken to the hospital for an examination of his circulatory system. When he got home, his wife asked what had happened. He said, "They worked this gadget into my artery and up into my heart, and then they sucked out thirty years of chocolate cake." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Jesus Alejandra Morales Goncavles, Boca Raton, Florida, USA JESUS JAILED BY BOCA RATON POLICE Jesus Alejandra Morales Goncavles of Boca Raton was jailed for his alleged drug sins following his arrest by Boca Raton Police. Jesus, according to a police report reviewed by BocaNewsNow.com, was speeding in the area of 500 South Federal Highway just after midnight on November 30th as a Boca Raton Police Officer was monitoring the flow of traffic. I heard a large screech and observed a black Honda run the red light at SE 5th Street/SE Mizner Blvd. to make a left turn onto Federal Highway southbound, wrote the officer. As I was accelerating to catch up to the vehicle, I watched as it rapidly accelerated and started swerving in and out of the travel lanes. The vehicle slammed on the brakes for a red light at the intersection of Federal Highway and East Camino Real, coming to a stop in the right turn lane. Once the light turned green, the vehicle rapidly accelerated, jumped back into the SB travel lane, and continued SB at a high rate of speed, swerving within its lane and endangering the safety of other vehicles around. The officer stopped Jesus, approached the vehicle, and was immediately presented with the overwhelming odor of alcohol emanating from within the vehicle. The officer states that he observed a prescription pill bottle and a pipe with residue within the center console, then attempted to have a conversation with Jesus. As I was speaking with Jesus, wrote the officer, I observed his speech to be slurred and slow as well as him to have bloodshot (and) watery eyes. When I asked Jesus if he had any alcohol tonight, he became defensive demanding that I identify the precise alcohol he drank. Jesus spontaneously uttered, I know I f-d up tonight, but I dont deserve to go to jail. When I asked Jesus as to what F-d up meant, he became verbally combative. I asked Jesus to step out of the vehicle and after asking multiple times to step out, Jesus began rolling up his window. After a bit of a struggle, I reached into the vehicle, grabbed his right arm, and removed Jesus from the vehicle. Jesus was eventually handcuffed. Officers state they found a glass pipe and a grinder which both contained green leafy residue which field- tested positive for Marijuana. They also stated that they found four blue pill pieces in his prescription bottle that tested positive for methamphetamine. Jesus Alejandro Morales Goncalves of Thousand Pines Lane in Boca Raton is now charged with drug possession, possessing drug equipment, DUI, and resisting an officer without violence. Jesus posted $3,000 bond and if State Attorney David Aronberg proceeds with prosecution, Jesus will stand trial in Palm Beach County. ___________________________________________________ Allison Ann Beautiful Coyote. Rocky View County, AB. Dec. 4/22 ___________________________________________________ Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, that sound was "Oh Thit!"." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Goblin Valley, Utah _________________________________________________ Resume blooper: "While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility." Try the Salvation Army Thrift Shop. They are always looking for empty shirts. _______________________________________________ A little boy runs up to his mother and shouts, "Mommy! Mommy! I want to be a drummer when I grow up!" The mother sweetly replies, "You can't do BOTH." __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Jane and Gina and Mona died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was. Jane said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he turned her away. Gina said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he turned her away. Mona said she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "OK, tell me." She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder..." St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good!" Mona continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey." ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: David Re: Set Full size browser as deault on IE Dear Webby I've got a stupid question for you. It used to be, when I clicked on a link that opened a new page, it would come up as a full new page. Now when I click the link, I get a half page. I used to know how to change this but I haven't had to do it for so long that I've forgotten. A little help please. How do I change the size of a new page? David Dear David Viewing pages full size has gone out of fashion, because you don't see what might be opening behind it. Also, with the higher resolutions commonly used nowadays, you can comfortably have two pages open side by side if you squish them a bit. F11 toggles a window to full screen and back. To set full screen as the default, even though Microsoft has decided it is a dumb idea and refuses to tell you how to do it, follow this top secret rigmarole: Close all browser windows but one. Open a new window from a link on the remaining window. Close the old window (not the new one that just opened up). Adjust the window to be the size you want all the new windows to be (you cannot use the maximize button for this, you have to actually squish or stretch the size of the window to be what you want the windows to automatically open up as). Hold down the CTRL key while closing the window. >From now on, all your new windows should open up to that size until perform a similar process telling IE that you want all new windows to be the new size. Most likely what occurred is that you manually sized a window to that size, closed it, and IE remembered that as your preferred window size. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ An American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her dress above her waist. "A bit airy..." remarked the American. Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly, " 'ell yes! What did you expect ..... feathers?!" _____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, December 6 in 1735, In London, French surgeon Claudius Amyand peformed the first successful appendectomy at St. George's Hospital. The patient was an 11-year old boy that had swallowed a pin. 1774, Austria became the first nation to introduce a state education system. 1790, The U.S. Congress moved from New York to Philadelphia. 1865, The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. The amendment abolished slavery in the U.S. 1876, The city of Anaheim was incorporated for a second time. 1877, Thomas Edison demonstrated the first gramophone, with a recording of himself reciting Mary Had a Little Lamb. 1883, "Ladies' Home Journal" was published for the first time. 1884, The construction of the Washington Monument was completed by Army engineers. The project took 34 years. 1889, Jefferson Davis died in New Orleans. He was the first and only president of the Confederate States of America. 1907, In Monongah, WV, 361 people were killed in America's worst mine disaster. 1917, More than 1,600 people died when two munitions ships collided in the harbor at Halifax, Nova Scotia. 1917, Finland proclaimed independence from Russia. 1921, The Catholic Irish Free State was created as a self-governing dominion of Britain when an Anglo-Irish treaty was signed. 1923, U.S. President Calvin Coolidge became the first president to give a presidential address that was broadcast on radio. 1926, In Italy, Benito Mussolini introduced a tax on bachelors. 1947, Everglades National Park in Florida was dedicated by U.S. President Truman. 1957, AFL-CIO members voted to expel the International Brotherhood of Teamsters. The Teamsters were readmitted in 1987. 1957, America's first attempt at putting a satellite into orbit failed when the satellite blew up on the launch pad at Cape Canaveral, FL. 1973, Gerald R. Ford was sworn in as the vice-president of the United States after vice-president Spiro Agnew resigned. 1982, 11 soldiers and 6 civilians were killed when a bomb exploded in a pub in Ballykelly, Northern Ireland. The Irish National Liberation Army was responsible for planting the bomb. 1983, In Jerusalem, a bomb planted on a bus exploded killing six Israelis and wounding 44. 1985, Congressional negotiators reached an agreement on a deficit-cutting proposal that later became the Gramm- Rudman-Hollings law. 1989, The worst mass shooting in Canadian history occurred when a man gunned down 14 women at the University of Montreal's school of engineering. The man then killed himself. 1989, Egon Krenz resigned as leader of East Germany. 1990, Iraq announced that it would release all its 2,000 foreign hostages. 1992, In India, thousands of Hindu extremists destroyed a mosque. The following two months of Hindu-Muslim rioting resulted in at least 2,000 people being killed. 1993, Former priest James R. Porter was sentenced to 18 to 20 years in prison. Porter had admitted molesting 28 children in the 1960s. 1994, Orange County, CA, filed for bankruptcy protection due to investment losses of about $2 billion. The county is one of the richest in the U.S. and became the largest municipality to file for bankruptcy. 1997, A Russian Antonov 124 military transport crashed into a residential area in Irkutsk, Russia, shortly after takeoff. 70 people were killed. 1998, In Venezuela, former Lieutenant Colonel Hugo Chavez was elected president. He had staged a bloody coup attempt against the government six years earlier. 1998, Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavour connected the first two building blocks of the international space station in the shuttle cargo bay. 2002, Winona Ryder was sentenced to 36 months of probation and 480 hours of community service stemming from her conviction for shoplifting from Saks Fifth Avenue. She was also ordered to pay $10,000 in fines and restitution. 2002, Officials released the detailed plans for a $4.7 million memorial commemorating Princess Diana. The large oval fountain was planned to be constructed in London's Hyde Park. 2022 Do smiled.
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