Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, November 25 If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! Thank you, Janice !!! Thank you, Ethel!! Thank you, Ginger! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Fresno man arrested, again, after high speed chase with stolen car ____________________________________ Today, November 24 in 1867 Alfred Nobel patented dynamite. _____________________________________________________ Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them. --- Leo Tolstoy (1828 - 1910) _____________________________________________________ >From Bill To heck with marrying a girl who makes biscuits like her mother --- I want to marry one who makes dough like her father. _____________________________________________________ From Linda ___________________________________________________ Dear Webby, Some contribution to your page which I have been enjoying... If you are interested, I can send some off and on Selene Singapore This is what I was forwarded by friends. The following questions and answers were collected from GCSE exams, and are some of the answers given by students writing their fifth form (Year 11) GCSE Exams last year. These are genuine responses!! Geography Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Sociology Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. Biology Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: What is artificial insemination? A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A] Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax, the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is thhe red light district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas. English Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Technology Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab or Sikh wears on his head _________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Esteban Castellanos, 34, Fresno, Mexifornia, USA Fresno man arrested, again, after high speed chase with stolen car A man was arrested after deputies say he led them on a high-speed chase through central Fresno. Fresno County sheriff's deputies say they tried to pull over a driver in a reportedly stolen car near Fresno Street and McKinley Avenue around 1 a.m. The driver, 34-year-old Esteban Castellanos, took off, and a pursuit ensued. He led the deputies onto Highway 180 and reached speeds up to 80 miles per hour. Officials say a Fresno police helicopter started following the vehicle while deputies laid down spike strips to slow the car. One of the tires popped, and the car stopped at Clark Street and Princeton Avenue. Castellanos was arrested. Officials say he was on parole and released for the same crime back on September 4. He will be out again doing the same thing shortly. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Eloise RE: Porno filter Dear Webby, Is there a reliable and easy to use porno filter, that will keep porno off a teenager's mchine? Eloise Dear Eloise, taking the cable from the modem to the computer and keeping it in your apron pocket works very well. A speech and disconnect my sound drastic, but in many cases drastic action will be required. Keep in mind, porno sites do not show anything, that Ms Beasley next door does not have. In many cases just mking fun of his porno hbit will be enough to slow things down. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Why is breast milk good for health? Because it's great for blood circulation, provides heat, is refreshing and comes in attractive containers. ____________________________________________ >From Eddie Wouldn't it be nice to tell the Dean of your college what you REALLY think about him/her? Well,... if you like YOUR Dean as much as I like MY Dean, then you'd better keep your mouth shut. I knew I'd get kicked out of the college if I expressed my true feelings, so I remained silent for the last four years. But yesterday was my graduation. And as I walked across the stage, the Dean handed my diploma to me (nicely scrolled and tied with a ribbon). Once she handed it to me, I could finally tell that bitch what I REALLY thought about her. So I leaned across her podium and I looked her straight in the eye. "Hey Bitch," I said. "You're so damn ugly... you could practice birth control just by leaving the lights on!" And then I walked off the stage, and went home. I gotta tell you that it felt just as good as I had imagined it would for the last four years. Today, I unwrapped my diploma, framed it, and hung it in the living room, where it proudly exclaims to the world: "In order to receive your diploma, please present this certificate to the Dean of your college after final grades have been posted!" Today, I unwrapped my diploma, framed it, and hung it in the living room, where it proudly exclaims to the world: "In order to receive your diploma, please present this certificate to the Dean of your college after final grades have been posted!" ____________________________________________ A Crystal River, Florida man was arrested Thursday after deputies accused him of leaning into the driver's side of a Citrus County sheriff's patrol car and shifting the vehicle into drive, an arrest report said. Deputies were at the Crystal Acres Mobile Home Park off State Road 44 just east of Crystal River investigating a traffic case. Deputies said Carl William Pottschmidt, 32, a park resident, shifted the car into drive and caused it to make contact with another Sheriff's Office vehicle, the report said. Both vehicles sustained minor damage. Pottschmidt, who was reportedly intoxicated, told law authorities someone dared him to do what he did. Pottschmidt remained at the Citrus County jail Friday afternoon with bail set at $5,000. He was held on charges of burglary of an unarmed, unoccupied vehicle and criminal mischief. ________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today November 25 in 1715 Sybilla Thomas Masters became the first American to be granted an English patent for cleaning and curing Indian corn. 1758 During the French and Indian War, the British captured Fort Duquesne at what is now known as Pittsburgh. 1783 During the Revolutionary War, the British evacuated New York. New York was their last military position in the U.S. 1837 William Crompton patented the silk power loom. 1850 Texas relinquished one-third of its territory in exchange for $10 million from the U.S. to pay its public debts and settle border disputes. 1867 Alfred Nobel patented dynamite. 1884 J.B. Meyenberg received the patent for evaporated milk. 1936 The Anti-Comintern Pact, an Anti-Communist agreement between Japan and Germany, was signed. 1947 Movie studio executives meeting in New York agreed to blacklist the "Hollywood 10," who were cited a day earlier and jailed for contempt of Congress when they failed to cooperate with the House Un-American Activities Committee. 1955 In the U.S., the Interstate Commerce Commission banned racial segregation on interstate trains and buses. 1970 Japanese author Yukio Mishima committed ritual suicide after giving a speech attacking Japan's post-war constitution. 1973 Greek President George Papadapoulos was ousted in military coup. 1976 O.J. Simpson (Buffalo Bills) ran for 273 yards against the Detroit Lions. 1983 Mediators from Syria and Saudi Arabia announced a cease-fire in the PLO civil war in Tripoli, Lebanon. 1985 Ronald W. Pelton was arrested on espionage charges. Pelton was a former employee of the National Security Agency. He was later convicted of 'selling secrets' to Soviet agents. 1986 U.S. President Reagan and Attorney Gen. Edwin Meese revealed that profits from secret arms sales to Iran had been diverted to rebels in Nicaragua. National Security Advisor John Poindexter resigned and Oliver North was fired. 1990 Poland held its first popular presidential election. 1992 The Czech parliament voted to split the country into separate Czech and Slovak republics beginning January 1, 1993. 1993 Egyptian Prime Minister Atef Sedki escaped an attempt on his life when a bomb was detonated by Islamic militants near his motorcade. 1995 Serbs protested in the streets of the Bosnian capital Sarajevo The protest was against a peace plan. 1998 Britain's highest court ruled that former Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet, whose extradition was being sought by Spain, could not claim immunity from prosecution for the crimes he committed during his rule. 1998 President Jiang Zemin arrived in Tokyo for the first visit to Japan by a Chinese head of state since World War II. 2020 Do smiled. |
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