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| Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, September 5 ___________________________________________________ History on this day, September 5, in 1930, Charles Creighton and James Hagris completed the drive from New York City to Los Angeles and back to New York City all in reverse gear. The trip took 42 days in their 1929 Ford Model A. ____________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award MAN PUNCHES WOMAN IN FRONT OF FAMILY AT CHECKERS IN DELRAY BEACH, THEN THREATENS OFFICERS ____________________________________________________ In every American there is an air of incorrigible innocence, which seems to conceal a diabolical cunning. --- A. E. Housman (1859 - 1936) Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible. --- Margaret Mead (1901 - 1978) ____________________________________________________ One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice." "Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service? ____________________________________________________ >From Bill To heck with marrying a girl who makes biscuits like her mother --- I want to marry one who makes dough like her father. __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by CHRISTOPHER LEHMANN, 36, Delray Beach, Florida, USA MAN PUNCHES WOMAN IN FRONT OF FAMILY AT CHECKERS IN DELRAY BEACH, THEN THREATENS OFFICERS A Delray Beach resident is facing multiple charges after he allegedly punched a woman in the Checkers at 450 West Atlantic Avenue, then mocked her family as they ate dinner. Christopher Lehmann of the 300 block of SW 4th Avenue in Delray Beach later spit at officers and threatened them. The following incident occurred in the City of Delay Beach, Palm Beach County, Florida. On 08/31/22 at 2245 hours, I was dispatched to Checkers 450 W Atlantic Ave in reference to a simple battery. I made contact with the Victim who stated a white male suspect hit her in the face. The victim stated she was sitting at a table outside of the business when a white male approached her and her family. The white male was mocking the family as they were trying to eat their food. The victim asked the white male to leave and he became irate. He approached the woman and hit her in the face with a closed fist. The white male suspect walked west on W Atlantic Ave wearing a brown hat, black tank top, gray shorts, and black Adidas shoes Sgt Leon made contact with the suspect later identified as Christopher Lehmann matching the description at 725 W Atlantic Ave (Marathon) I conducted a show-up with the victim who positively identified Lehmann as the man who stuck her in the face. She provided a sworn statement recorded on my department-issued body-worn camera. Crime scene was unavailable, I took a photo of the injury to the victims face (minor swelling) just under her left eye. Sgt Leon made contact with the suspect later identified as Christopher Lehmann matching the description at 725 W Atlantic Ave (Marathon) I conducted a show-up with the victim who positively identified Lehmann as the man who stuck her in the face. She provided a sworn statement recorded on my department-issued body-worn camera. Crime scene was unavailable, I took a photo of the injury to the victims face (minor swelling) just under her left eye. Lehman was read his Miranda Warnings and requested that I call his lawyer. He would not talk about the incident. While typing the report, Lehman was making threats to officers in the back of my fully marked police vehicle. He stated he was going to uppercut us and fight us and Bash our heads open when he got up to the county jail and got out of handcuffs. He kept making these statements even after being warned to stop. Lehmann also purposely spit in Ofc. Oteros face from the inside of my fully marked police vehicle while Ofc Otero was standing outside the vehicle. Based on the above facts, probable cause exists to charge Christopher Lehmann with 784.03 (1A1) SIMPLE BATTERY (TOUCH OR STRIKE), 838.021 (3B) CORRUPTION BY THREAT AGAINST PUBLIC OF, 784.07 (2B) BATTERY ON OFFICER, FIREFIGHTER, EMT ET. Christopher Lehmann, 36, was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail at 12:57 a.m. Thursday. He remains locked up Saturday morning. _____________________________________________________ Christopher Navarro, Lethbridge, AB Saw this stinky but cutie skunk in the neighbourhood last night when I was sitting in my vehicle. Grabbed my camera in the house immediately and put my headlamp on my head hoping to get a good shot with it. Id say these photos are ones that you dont see very often. _____________________________________________________ Dear Webby, Some contribution to your page which I have been enjoying... If you are interested, I can send some off and on Selene Singapore This is what I was forwarded by friends. The following questions and answers were collected from GCSE exams, and are some of the answers given by students writing their fifth form (Year 11) GCSE Exams last year. These are genuine responses!! Geography Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Sociology Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. Biology Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: What is artificial insemination? A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A] Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax, the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is thhe red light district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas. English Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Technology Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab or Sikh wears on his head _____________________________________________________ Why is breast milk good for health? Because it's great for blood circulation, provides heat, is refreshing and comes in attractive containers. _____________________________________________________ Sunny Lo Osprey baby Calgary, Sept 1, 2022 ___________________________________________________ >From Eddie Wouldn't it be nice to tell the Dean of your college what you REALLY think about him/her? Well,... if you like YOUR Dean as much as I like MY Dean, then you'd better keep your mouth shut. I knew I'd get kicked out of the college if I expressed my true feelings, so I remained silent for the last four years. But yesterday was my graduation. And as I walked across the stage, the Dean handed my diploma to me (nicely scrolled and tied with a ribbon). Once she handed it to me, I could finally tell that bitch what I REALLY thought about her. So I leaned across her podium and I looked her straight in the eye. "Hey Bitch," I said. "You're so damn ugly... you could practice birth control just by leaving the lights on!" And then I walked off the stage, and went home. I gotta tell you that it felt just as good as I had imagined it would for the last four years. Today, I unwrapped my diploma, framed it, and hung it in the living room, where it proudly exclaims to the world: "In order to receive your diploma, please present this certificate to the Dean of your college after final grades have been posted!" Today, I unwrapped my diploma, framed it, and hung it in the living room, where it proudly exclaims to the world: "In order to receive your diploma, please present this certificate to the Dean of your college after final grades have been posted!" _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Eloise RE: Porno filter Dear Webby, Is there a reliable and easy to use porno filter, that will keep porno off a teenager's mchine? Eloise Dear Eloise, taking the cable from the modem to the computer and keeping it in your apron pocket works very well. A speech and disconnect my sound drastic, but in many cases drastic action will be required. Keep in mind, porno sites do not show anything, that Ms Beasley next door does not have. In many cases just making fun of his porno habit will be enough to slow things down. HaveFUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ A Crystal River, Florida man was arrested Thursday after deputies accused him of leaning into the driver's side of a Citrus County sheriff's patrol car and shifting the vehicle into drive, an arrest report said. Deputies were at the Crystal Acres Mobile Home Park off State Road 44 just east of Crystal River investigating a traffic case. Deputies said Carl William Pottschmidt, 32, a park resident, shifted the car into drive and caused it to make contact with another Sheriff's Office vehicle, the report said. Both vehicles sustained minor damage. Pottschmidt, who was reportedly intoxicated, told law authorities someone dared him to do what he did. Pottschmidt remained at the Citrus County jail Friday afternoon with bail set at $5,000. He was held on charges of burglary of an unarmed, unoccupied vehicle and criminal mischief. _____________________________________________________ >From Eddie After spending all day Sunday watching football on television, a man fell asleep and spent the night in the chair. His wife woke him in the morning. "It's twenty to seven," she called. "In who's favor?" _____________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, September 5, in 1698, Russia's Peter the Great imposed a tax on beards. 1774, The first session of the U.S. Continental Congress convened in Philadelphia. The delegates drafted a declaration of rights and grievances, organized the Continental Association, and elected Peyton Randolph as the first president of the Continental Congress. 1793, In France, the "Reign of Terror" began. The National Convention enacted measures to repress the French Revolutionary activities. 1836, Sam Houston was elected as the first president of the Republic of Texas. 1877, Sioux chief Crazy Horse was killed by the bayonet of a U.S. soldier. The chief allegedly resisted confinement to a jail cell. 1881, The American Red Cross provided relief for disaster for the first time. The disaster was the Great Fire of 1881 in Michigan. 1882, The first U.S. Labor Day parade was held in New York City. 1885, Jake Gumper bought the first gasoline pump to be manufactured in the U.S. 1900, France proclaimed a protectorate over Chad. 1905, The Treaty of Portsmouth was signed by Russia and Japan to end the Russo-Japanese War. The settlement was mediated by U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt in New Hampshire. 1914, The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British and French fought for six days killing half a million people. 1917, Federal raids were carried out in 24 cities on International Workers of the World (IWW) headquarters. The raids were prompted by suspected anti-war activities within the labor organization. 1930, Charles Creighton and James Hagris completed the drive from New York City to Los Angeles and back to New York City all in reverse gear. The trip took 42 days in their 1929 Ford Model A. 1939, The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality in World War II. 1945, Iva Toguri D'Aquino was arrested. D'Aquino was suspected of being the wartime radio propagandist "Tokyo Rose". She served six years and was later pardoned by U.S. President Ford. 1953, The first privately operated atomic reactor opened in Raleigh, NC. 1957, Jack Kerouac's "On the Road" was first published. 1958, The first color videotaped program was aired. It was "The Betty Freezor Show" on WBTV-TV in Charlotte, NC. 1958, Boris Pasternak's "Doctor Zhivago" was published for the first time in the U.S. 1960, Cassius Clay of Louisville, KY, won the gold medal in light heavyweight boxing at the Olympic Games in Rome, Italy. Clay later changed his name to Muhammad Ali to dodge the draft. 1961, The U.S. government made airline hijacking a federal offense. 1977, The U.S. launched Voyager . 1980, The St. Gothard Tunnel opened in Switzerland. It is the world's longest highway tunnel at 10.14 miles long. 1982, Eddie Hill set a propeller-driven boat water speed record when he reached 229 mph. 1983, U.S. President Reagan denounced the Soviet Union for shooting down a Korean Air Lines. Reagan demanded that the Soviet Union pay reparations for the act that killed 269 people. 1983, "Sports Illustrated" became the first national weekly magazine to use four-color process illustrations on every page. 1984, The space shuttle Discovery landed after its maiden voyage. 1984, Mortimer Zuckerman purchased the newsmagazine, "U.S. News & World Report" for $163 million. 1985, Rioting in South Africa spilled into white neighborhoods for the first time. 1986, NASA launched DOD-1. 1990, Iraqi President Saddam Hussein urged for a Holy War against the West and former allies. 1991, Soviet lawmakers created an interim government to usher in the confederation after dissolving the U.S.S.R. The new name the Union of Sovereign States was taken. 1992, A General Motors Corporation strike ended with a new agreement being approved. Nearly 43,000 workers were on strike. 1995, France set off an underground nuclear blast in the South Pacific. 2003, In London, magician David Blaine entered a clear plastic box and then suspended by a crane over the banks of the Thames River. He remained there until October 19 surviving only on water. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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