Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, February 18 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Woman shows up drunk to her public drunkenness hearing, held on old DUI warrant. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, February 18 in 1564 The artist Michelanglelo died in Rome. He painted the original ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in Rome. The nude scened have been painted over a few years ago. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) Food is an important part of a balanced diet. --- Fran Lebowitz (1950 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ This Irish guy shows up in a pub one day and orders three pints of Guinness. He takes sips from each glass until they are empty and calls the bartender for three more. The bartender says, "Hey, pal, I don't mind bringing one at a time, then they'll be fresh and cold." "Nah... ahm preferrin' that ya bring 'em three at a time. You see, me and me two brothers would meet at a pub and drink and have good times. Now one is in Australia, the other in Canada and I'm here. We agreed before we split up that we'd drink this way to each other's honor." "Well," says the bartender, "that's a damn good sentimental thing to do. I'll bring the pints as you ask." Well, time goes on and the Irishman's peculiar habit is known and accepted by all the pub regulars. One day, the Irishman comes in and orders only two pints. A hush falls over the pub. Naturally, everyone figures something happened to one of the brothers. A bunch of the regulars corner the bartender and finally persuade him to find out what happened. With a heavy heart, the bartender brings the two pints and says, "Here's your pints... and let me offer my sincerest condolences. What happened?" The Irishman looks extremely puzzled for a moment. When the light comes on in his head, he starts laughing. "No, no! 'Tis nothing like that. You see, I've gotten married and promised to give up drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers, though." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Martin for this story: An oldie I used to tell about 40 years ago. Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be. The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and poof, she's gone. The second says, "I want to be Madonna" and poof, she's gone. The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini.." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks. "Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. St. Peter reads the article in the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to the nun and says, "No, sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months." (If you dont laugh, you are going straight to hell!) _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Grandpa and Grandma were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good old days". Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?" Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his. With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a little farther, "Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you'd sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?" Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek. Growing bolder still, Grandma said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?" Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?" Grandpa replied, "Do get my deef." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jennifer Amanda Jones, New Holland, Pennsylvania Woman shows up drunk to her public drunkenness hearing, held on old DUI warrant Showing up to court under the influence is bad, especially when accused of public drunkenness and with a pending case for driving under the influence. That's what New Holland Police say Jennifer Amanda Jones did Feb. 9 when she was scheduled for a hearing at District Judge Jonathan Heisse's office. Officers arrived and found she was under the influence of alcohol and took her into custody. Online court records indicate Jones has had multiple cases involving public drunkenness and driving under the influence. She was later turned over to the Lancaster County sheriff's office on an outstanding warrant from DUI charge. Jones was formally charged with public drunkenness for the incident in district court on Feb. 13. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Barry Re: Popcorn Dear Webby, Hope you can help me. I (my computer) has been invaded by spyware. Particularly a movie download site called popcorn.net. Every once in a while this reminder notice pops up saying I must pay 29.95 or I will continue to be pestered. I have tryed to remove the software to no avail. Can you help?? A loyal reader, Barry Somebody on your machine has apparently agreed to pay Popcorn after accepting a 3 day free trial of downloading stolen movies, and then cheerfully downloaded and installed a whole mess of trojans and malware and also the nagger that you noticed. If it was you, a strict diet of Smarties is highly recommended. There is a LOT of information about Spyware and Ransomware avaliable on the net. You are not the only one who got conned by them. Popcorn CAN be removed manually, if you are comfortable with spending an hour messing around in the registry. The alternative is to use a popcorn remover like the one at http://http://www.anti-spyware-101.com/ If you suspect an infection like that, and dont have Malwarebytes and Spybot-Search&Destroy from my Tools page, then definitely study anti-spyware-101.com Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Thanks to Vern for this story: Preparing for a tag sale at our house, my wife and I decided to put out a mirror we'd received as a wedding gift. Because of its garish aqua colored metal frame we just couldn't find a room in our house where it looked good. Shortly after the tag sale started, a man looking to decorate his apartment bought it for one dollar. "This is a great deal," he said excitedly." It still has the plastic on it." Then he peeled off the aqua colored protective covering to reveal a beautiful gold finished frame. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
What's the usual tip?" a man growled when the college boy who delivered his pizza. "Well," the student replied, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great." "That so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's five dollars." "Thanks," the student said, "I'll put it in my college fund." "By the way, what are you studying?" "Applied psychology." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check the Sell By Date Do you find that milk, meat, cheese, or bread goes bad on you before you have a chance to use it? When shopping, always note the "sell by" date. Most foods will last a week past the "sell by" date. If you don't think you can use it in that amount of time look around for a product with a later "sell by" date. If you already own food you won't be able to use, simply freeze it by the "sell by" date. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ While on my desk assignment in the Army, I noticed that my co-worker never answered his phone. One day I asked him why, and he said, "If you had to pick up the telephone and say, 'Statistical section, Specialist Strastewskivich speaking,' would you want to answer the phone?" | | Some of Buster Keaton s Most Amazing Stunts |
A very outgoing and honest 7-year-old girl calmly admitted to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. Her mother gasped and said, "How did that happen?" The little girl said, "It wasn't easy, but three other girls helped me catch him and hold him down." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, February 18, in 1564 The artist Michelanglelo died in Rome. He painted the original ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in Rome. The nude scened have been painted over a few years ago. 1685 Robert Cavelier, Sieur de LaSalle established Fort St. Louis at Matagorda Bay, and thus formed the basis for France's claim to Texas. 1841 The first continuous filibuster in the U.S. Senate began. It lasted until March 11th. 1861 In Montgomery, AL, Jefferson Davis was inaugurated as the President of the Confederate States. 1885 Mark Twain's "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" was published in the U.S. for the first time. 1913 The famous French painting "Nude Descending a Staircase", by the French artist, Marcel Duchamp, was displayed at an "Armory Show" in New York City. 1930 Elm Farm Ollie became the first cow to fly in an airplane. 1930 The planet Pluto was discovered by Clyde Tombaugh. The discovery was made as a result of photographs taken in January 1930. 1932 Sonja Henie won her 6th world women's figure skating title in Montreal, Canada. 1952 Greece and Turkey became members of NATO. 1953 "Bwana Devil" opened. It was the first three-dimensional feature. 1953 Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz signed a contract worth $8,000,000 to continue the "I Love Lucy" TV show through 1955. 1970 The Chicago Seven defendants were found innocent of conspiring to incite riots at the 1968 Democratic national convention. 1972 The California Supreme Court struck down the state's death penalty. 1977 The space shuttle Enterprise went on its maiden "flight" sitting on top of a Boeing 747. 1987 The executives of the Girl Scout movement decided to change the color of the scout uniform from the traditional Girl Scout green to the newer Girl Scout blue. 1998 In Russia, money shortages resulted in the shutting down of three plants that produced nuclear weapons. 1998 In Nevada, two white separatists were arrested and accused of plotting a bacterial attack on subways in New York City. 2000 The U.S. Commerce Department reported a deficit in trade goods and services of $271.3 billion for 1999. It was the largest calender- year trade gap in U.S. history. 2001 NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt, Sr., was killed in a crash during the Daytona 500 race. 2001 FBI agent Robert Philip Hanssen was arrested and accused of spying for Russia for more than 15 years. He later pleaded guilty and was sentenced to life in prison without parole. 2003 In South Korea, at least 120 people were killed when a man lit a fire on a subway train. 2018 Do smiled. |
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