Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, December 28 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Today's Bonehead Award: Suicide by cops in Hawaii ______________________________________________________ Today, December 28 in 1836 Mexico's independence was recognized by Spain. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds, and mopes; a philosopher sees both sides, and shrugs; an optimist doesn't see the clouds at all - he's walking on them. --- Leonard Louis Levinson This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Since I was processing my first accident report at the transport company where I worked, I was being particularly attentive. The driver had hit a deer on the highway and the result was a severely damaged hood and fender. My serious mood was broken, however, when I reached the section of the report that asked, "Speed of other vehicle?" The driver had put, "Full gallop." ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Billie I was at my local cell phone company to pay my bill and upgrade my service. The line wasn't clearly formed, and there was an older gentleman with a cane nearby. It was unclear which one of us would be called next. When the representative called for one of us to step up, the man with the cane motioned politely and said, "After you." I smiled at him and replied, "No, please, after you. I have all day." The man smiled back and said, "No, you go ahead. My doctor says I have at least six months." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then answered, "That would be 4, I think." "Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it right. Suddenly all the other players on the team began screaming..., "Come on coach, give him another chance!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dylan Printz, 18, Shippensburg, Pennsylvania Arson Charge For Man Behind Burning Dog Poop Prank A crappy Christmas Eve prank landed a Pennsylvania man in jail on arson and other criminal charges, according to police. Firefighters and cops were dispatched Monday at 3 AM following a report that a bag of dog poop was lit on fire on a porch in Shippensburg, a borough about 40 miles southwest of Harrisburg. A female tenant told police she was awoken when other residents spotted the fire and began yelling to call 911 and to get out of the house. The fire was quickly extinguished and there was no damage to the residence. Asked who might have set the bag of feces on fire, the tenant fingered Dylan Printz, 18, due to them having a falling out that night and she told him he could not stay or be there anymore. Police subsequently located Printz, who reportedly copped to starting the fire. Seen above, Printz said that he grabbed a brown paper bag from a Chinese food order and filled it with dog poop. He then put the bag of feces on the porch and lit it on fire with a Bic lighter. Printz, cops reported, said he set the fire to get back at the people who lived there due to an earlier fight. Shippensburg cops arrested Printz on two felony counts--arson and risking catastrophe. He was also hit with misdemeanor reckless endangerment charges. The teen--whose Facebook page lists his nickname as Spyder --is free on $20,000 bail and is scheduled for a January 7 pretrial hearing. From: Daniel Re: Pictures in email Dear Webby, two questions.how can you enlarge a picture that is on an email you are sending, and why won't my stamp stay on the right side of the email ? as soon as i touch a key,it slides to the left side. thanks again, daniel Dear Daniel You can't enlarge pictures in email after you have pasted them. You have to make them larger before you paste them. To make a picture stay on the right side, with Eudora you highlight the picture, then click on the Right-Align button. Some other email programs are also capable of that. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me..... I know we've been friends for a long time..... but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A father spoke to his son, "It's time we had a little talk, my son. Soon, you will have urges and feelings you've never had before. Your heart will pound & your hands will sweat. You'll be preoccupied and won't be able to think of anything else." He added, "But don't worry, it's perfectly normal... it's called golf." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Flip The Script For Valentine's Day For guys (or gals) who don't cook a lot, take it upon yourself to cook a Valentine's dinner for your significant other. Try cooking your partner's favorite dish. Even if the meal turns out less than perfect, the thoughtfulness and effort will be appreciated. Thriftyfun.com You got a month and a hyalf to plan and practise! ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ AFTER OUR FRIEND TOM had been a temporary bachelor for several weeks, we stopped by his home to visit him. My wife asked if he was eating properly. "Well, I do eat a lot of dog food," Tom told her. "Dog food!" my wife exclaimed, horrified. "I can't believe you would be eating anything like that!" "Come to the kitchen and I'll show you," Tom replied. Opening the refrigerator door, he waved his hand at a row of doggie bags from some of the best restaurants in town. --------- In the 70's my dad came over from Europe to visit me. I also took him to the local Chinese restaurant and showed him how everybody on the table ordered their favorites, but got an empty plate, with all the ordered foods placed in the center. Then everybody took some of each plate, sort of a mini buffet. The food was plentiful with lots left over. Then the waiter asked: "Yoo wann doggie bags?" I was familiar with that and of course agreed. Dad had never experienced that in Europe and he was quite impressed, and when he returned to Austria, proceded to tell everybody about "doggie bags". In the meantine now most other restaurants adopted that custom. Some, like Boston Pizza, even have very nice, reusable containers, but still call them "doggie bags". ___________________________________________________ President Calvin Coolidge once invited friends from his hometown to dine at the White House. Worried about their table manners, the guests decided to do everything that Coolidge did. This strategy succeeded, until coffee was served. The president poured his coffee into the saucer. The guests did the same. Coolidge added sugar and cream. His guests did, too. Then Coolidge bent over and put his saucer on the floor for the cat. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
During a phone conversation, my nephew mentioned that he was taking a psychology course at the university. "Oh, great," I said. "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." "No, no," he replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester." ___________________________________________________ | Today December 28 in 1065 Westminster Abbey was consecrated under Edward the Confessor. 1694 Queen Mary II of England died after five years of joint rule with her husband, King William III. 1732 "The Pennsylvania Gazette," owned by Benjamin Franklin, ran an ad for the first issue of "Poor Richard's Almanack." 1832 John C. Calhoun became the first vice president of the United States to resign, stepping down over differences with President Jackson. 1836 Mexico's independence was recognized by Spain. 1869 William E. Semple, of Mt. Vernon, OH, patented an acceptable chewing gum. 1877 John Stevens applied for a patent for his flour-rolling mill, which boosted production by 70%. 1879 In Dundee, Scotland the central portion of the Tay Bridge collapsed as a train was passing over it. 75 people were killed. 1895 In Paris, the first commercial public screening of cinematographic films took place. 1897 "Cyrano de Bergerac," the play by Edmond Rostand, premiered in Paris, France. 1902 The first professional indoor football game was played at Madison Square Garden in New York City. Syracuse defeated the Philadelphia Nationals 6-0. 1908 An earthquake killed over 75,000 at Messina in Sicily. 1912 The first municipally-owned street cars were used on the streets of San Francisco, CA. 1937 The Irish Free State became the Republic of Ireland when a new constitution established the country as a sovereign state under the name of Eire. 1942 R.O. Sullivan crossed the Atlantic Ocean for the 100th time. 1945 The U.S. Congress officially recognized the "Pledge of Allegiance." 1950 The Peak District became Britain's first designated National Park. 1964 Initial filming of the movie "Dr. Zhivago" began on location near Madrid, Spain. The movies total running time is 197 minutes. 1973 The Chamber of Commerce of Akron, OH, terminated its association with the All-American Soap Box Derby. It was stated that the race had become "a victim of cheating and fraud." 1973 Alexander Solzhenitsyn published "Gulag Archipelago," an expose of the Soviet prison system. 1981 Elizabeth Jordan Carr, the first American test-tube baby, was born in Norfolk, VA. 1982 Nevell Johnson Jr. was mortally wounded by a police officer in a Miami video arcade. The event set off three days of race related disturbances that left another man dead. 1987 The bodies of 14 relatives of R. Gene Simmons were found at his home near Dover, AR. Simmons had gone on a shooting spree in Russellville that claimed two other lives. 1989 Alexander Dubcek, who had been expelled from the Communist Party in 1970, was elected speaker of the Czech parliament. 1991 Nine people died in a rush to get into a basketball game at City College in New York. 1995 Pressure from German prosecutors investigating pornography forced CompuServe to set a precedent by blocking access to sex- oriented newsgroups on the Internet for its customers. 2000 U.S. District Court Judge Matsch held a hearing to ensure that confessed Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh understood that he was dropping his appeals. McVeigh said that he wanted an execution date set but wanted to reserve the right to seek presidential clemency. 2018 Do smiled. |
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