Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, October 21 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: Mesa homeowner finds naked intruder inside home, holds him at gunpoint for police. ___________________________________________________ Today, October 21 in 1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words per minute on a manual typewriter. ____________________________________________________ Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted. --- Aldous Huxley (1894 - 1963) Communism is like one big phone company. --- Lenny Bruce (1923 - 1966) ____________________________________________________ There was this gracious lady mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady. ____________________________________________________ Got a tip from a security officer today. If you have any recently expired drivers licenses or other pieces of ID with your picture on them, epoxy them to your luggage. ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ A principal is making his rounds in the school when he hears a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushes in and spots one boy, taller than the others, who seems to be making the most noise. He seizes the lad, drags him to the hall, and tells him to wait there until he is excused. Returning to the classroom, the principal restores order and lectures the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior. "Now," he says, "are there any questions?" One girl stands up timidly. "Please sir," she asks, "may we have our teacher back?" ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Arthur Hicks, MESA, Arizona USA Mesa homeowner finds naked intruder inside home, holds him at gunpoint for police. A homeowner in Mesa who called police after finding a naked man inside their home held the man at gunpoint until officers arrived at the scene. Mesa Police say Arthur Hicks broke into the home near Longmore and Baseline Roads. Hicks later admitted to being under the influence of fentanyl. Hicks is accused of burglary and indecent exposure. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Victoria Re: Password reset request Dear Webby, I got an email claiming that I have to reset my password on one of my emails, that is only a funnel to my main email, and does not have a password of it's own. What is that about? Victoria Dear Victoria Don't touch it, just delete it. If you touch it, then some scammer sees, that that email address is live and can be spammed to. Just delete it and totally ignore it. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ During exams at England's Cambridge University, a bright young student asks the proctor to bring him cakes and ale. "Sorry, no," says the proctor. "Sir, I really must insist," says the student, taking out a copy of the 400 year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect. He points to a section which reads (roughly translated): "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require cakes and ale." The proctor gives in, but since cakes and ale aren't readily available, he and the student agree that hamburgers and beer can be substituted, and the student sits there, writing his examination and happily slurping away. Three weeks later, the same student is fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination. ______________________________________________ A young woman confides to a friend that she wants to quit smoking, but nothing she does seems to work. "Have you tried the patch?" her friend asks. "No, that's one thing I haven't tried," the woman says, "because I'm not sure it works." Says her friend, "I'm sure it would, if you put it over your mouth." ------------ Btw., I quit smoking on Feb 27, 2011, and have not smoked since. I had told doctors and anybody else that I would stop smoking 3 days before my cremation. Well, I had total heart failure 2 days after I quite smoking. Since I am too stubborn, I survived that, just barely, and my heart got fixed, eventually. Prior to that I had tried everything to quit smoking. Nothing worked. Then I read that for some mysterious reason, which nobody has been able to figure out, a few days before catastrophic news like a cancer diagnosis, some people suddenly stop smoking. It was an article about cancer, that mentioned that as a mysterious coincidence. Well, I figured, I can fake a catastrophic announcement, and stopped smoking in mid cigarette. Have not smoked a single one since, and can't even tolerate second hand smoke now. If you want to stop smoking, you can try the same method. Fake a catastrophic announcement, and see if it works. Good Luck! ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Two engineers go into a cafe, order soft drinks, and open up their sack lunches. "Hey," shouts the proprietor. "You can't eat your own food in here!" "Okay," says one, and he and his friend swap their sandwiches. ___________________________________________________ | Today, October 21, in 1797 "Old Ironsides," the U.S. Navy frigate Constitution, was launched in Boston's harbor. 1805 The Battle of Trafalgar occurred off the coast of Spain. The British defeated the French and Spanish fleet. 1849 The first tattooed man, James F. O'Connell, was put on exhibition at the Franklin Theatre in New York City, NY. 1858 The Can-Can was performed for the first time in Paris. 1879 Thomas Edison invented the electric incandescent lamp. It would last 13 1/2 hours before it would burn out. 1917 The first U.S. soldiers entered combat during World War I near Nancy, France. 1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words per minute on a manual typewriter. 1925 The photoelectric cell was first demonstrated at the Electric Show in New York City, NY. 1925 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that it had fined 29,620 people for prohibition (of alcohol) violations. 1927 In New York City, construction began on the George Washington Bridge. 1944 During World War II, the German city of Aachen was captured by U.S. troops. 1945 Women in France were allowed to vote for the first time. 1950 Chinese forces invaded Tibet. 1959 The Guggenheim Museum was opened to the public in New York. The building was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. 1967 Thousands of demonstrators marched in Washington, DC, in opposition to the Vietnam War. 1983 The Pentagon reported that 2,000 Marines were headed to Grenada to protect and evacuate Americans living there, and kick the Cubans out. 1986 The U.S. ordered 55 Soviet diplomats to leave. The action was in reaction to the Soviet Union expelling five American diplomats. 1991 Jesse Turner, an American hostage in Lebanon, was released after nearly five years of being imprisoned. 1993 The play "The Twilight of the Gods" opened. 1994 North Korea and the U.S. signed an agreement requiring North Korea to halt its nuclear program and agree to inspections. 1998 Cancer specialist Dr. Jane Henney became the FDA's first female commissioner. 2003 The U.S. Senate voted to ban what was known as partial birth abortions. 2003 North Korea rejected U.S. President George W. Bush's offer of a written pledge not to attack in exchange for the communist nation agreeing to end its nuclear weapons program. 2021 Do smiled. |
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