Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, May 27 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Maryland man arrested after using his car to attack police station, attempting to run over officers ___________________________________________________ Today, May 27 in 1907 The Bubonic Plague broke out in San Francisco. ____________________________________________________ I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. --- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977) Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one. --- A. J. Liebling (1904 - 1963) ____________________________________________________ The housewife answered the phone and listened with relief to the voice in her ear. "How are you, dear? What kind of day are you having?" "Oh, mom, the baby won't eat, the washing machine is broken, I've not been able to get out of the house to shop, I twisted my ankle and have been hobbling around. On top of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight." "Now dear, just stay calm. Sit down, relax, close your eyes, and I'll be over in 1/2 hour. I'll do the shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll take care of the baby when I get there and call a repairman I know who'll get the washing machine fixed. In fact, I'll call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George? Who's George?" "Why, that's your *husband*, dear." "Mom, I don't have a husband." "Is this 234-5678?" "Uh, no, it's not. I think you have a wrong number." The housewife paused, then got rather hysterical: "But, but, but, you're still going to come over and help me, aren't you?" ____________________________________________________ Mark Cuzens Albany Western Australia. ____________________________________________________ hi Webby Here s one more and wish you a good weekend. Bye Nari Try, Try Again Happy with their two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters but wanting a son, a middle-aged couple decided to try one last time. After months of effort, the wife finally became pregnant, and nine months later she delivered a healthy baby boy. The happy father rushed to the nursery to see his new son and was horrified to discover that the child was the ugliest he had ever seen. The man went back to his wife. "There's no way I could be the father of that baby! Look at the two beautiful daughters we've had!" He glared at his wife. "Have you been fooling around on me?" His wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Timothy Joel Jackson Kahl, 28, Havre de Grace, Maryland USA Maryland man arrested after using his car to attack police station, attempting to run over officers Police have arrested a man who allegedly threatened to harm law enforcement officials and then rammed an SUV into a police station on Sunday in Havre de Grace, Maryland. The suspect was identified as 28-year-old Timothy Joel Jackson Kahl. Kahl faces two counts of attempted first-degree homicide, two counts of first-degree assault, reckless endangerment and three counts of malicious destruction of property greater in worth than $1,000, according to WBAL-TV. Havre de Grace police said a man had phoned the station around 9:40 p.m. Sunday and threatened to murder an officer, the outlet reported. Tracing the call, they discovered the man was near his house in the 400 block of Village Drive. When officers went there, they said they found Kahl in his vehicle. According to police, he was driving recklessly, hitting multiple parked vehicles and even attempting to run over police officers, WBAL reported. Police said Kahl then drove toward the Havre De Grace Police Department. Once he arrived, he rammed his SUV through the stations front doors right up to the lobby, striking another car on the way, according to WJZ-TV and a video of the incident. He then exited his vehicle and tried to assault police officers until they tased him and arrested him, the report said. According to WJZ, Kahl was then taken to Harford Memorial Hospital. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits FROM: Alice RE: Mystery charges on CC statement Dear Webby On my Mastercard statement there are 3 charges from Stoneslimerevolution, amounting to a few hundred dollars. I can't find that company onthe net and most definitely have never dealt with them. What do I do now? Alice Dear Alice Grab a fresh cup of coffee and call the 1-800 on the back of the card. Tell them that those charges are not legit. They will em and haw and take 15 minutes, but eventually, they will take those charges, and any others, that would fall onto the following month, and trash them. They might also trash all other charges on that statement. They will issue you a new card, that will be in the mail soon. Until that arrives, just use PayPal. Have FUN! DearWebby Recently in Traffic Court, a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there. The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would. The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you 57 dollars. 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_____________________________________________ Church Bulletin board bleeper: I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirty and you gave me something to drink. ___________________________________________ In a test of emergency systems some boy scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours. When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone to McDonalds for a refill." ____________________________________________ "I hope you didn't take it personally, Pastor," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied. "It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a kid." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, in May 27 in 1647 Alse Young (Achsah Young or Alice Young), a resident of Windsor, CT, was executed for being a "witch." It was the first recorded American execution of a "witch." 1668 Three colonists were expelled from Massachusetts for being Baptists. 1813 Americans captured Fort George, Canada. 1896 255 people were killed in St. Louis, MO, when a tornado struck. 1901 The Edison Storage Battery Company was organized. 1907 The Bubonic Plague broke out in San Francisco. 1919 A U.S. Navy seaplane completed the first transatlantic flight. 1926 Bronze figures of Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer were erected in Hannibal, MO. 1931 Piccard and Knipfer made the first flight into the stratosphere, by balloon. 1935 The U.S. Supreme Court declared that President Franklin Roosevelt's National Industrial Recovery Act was unconstitutional. 1937 In California, the Golden Gate Bridge was opened to pedestrian traffic. The bridge connected San Francisco and Marin County. 1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt proclaimed an "unlimited national emergency" amid rising world tensions. 1941 The German battleship Bismarck was sunk by British naval and air forces. 2,300 people were killed. 1942 German General Erwin Rommel began a major offensive in Libya with his Afrika Korps. 1944 U.S. General MacArthur landed on Biak Island in New Guinea. 1960 A military coup overthrew the democratic government of Turkey. 1977 George H. Willig was fined for scaling the World Trade Center in New York on May 26. He was fined $1.10. 1982 Japan announced the elimination of tariffs on 96 industrial goods. 1985 In Beijing, representatives of Britain and China exchanged instruments of ratification on the pact returning Hong Kong to the Chinese in 1997. 1986 Mel Fisher recovered a jar that contained 2,300 emeralds from the Spanish ship Atocha. The ship sank in the 17th century. 1988 The U.S. Senate ratified the INF treaty. The INF pact was the first arms-control agreement since the 1972 Strategic Arms Limitation Treaty (SALT I) to receive Senate approval. 1994 Nobel Prize-winning author Alexander Solzhenitsyn returned to Russia. He had been in exile for two decades. 1996 Russian President Boris Yeltsin negotiated a cease-fire to the war in Chechnya in his first meeting with the leader of the rebels. 1998 Michael Fortier was sentenced to 12 years in prison for not warning anyone about the plot to bomb an Oklahoma City federal building. 1999 In The Hague, Netherlands, a war crimes tribunal indicted Slobodan Milosevic and four others for atrocities in Kosovo. It was the first time that a sitting head of state had been charged with such a crime. 2021 Do smiled. |
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