Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, January 4 Thank you, Lillemor and Gene!!! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida woman charged with DUI while riding horse Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, January 4 in 1951 During the Korean conflict, North Korean and Communist Chinese forces captured the city of Seoul. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Never learn to do anything: if you don't learn, you'll always find someone else to do it for you. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) When things start to make sense, THAT'S when to hit the panic button. --- Pat D An expert is a person who avoids small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy. --- Benjamin Stolberg ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roberta for this story: Thibodeau wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Witout numbers?" Thibodeau says, "Dat is easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" the boss asks. "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says Thibodeau. "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." Thibodeau stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go." The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this guy, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." Thibodeau stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred." The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!" Thibodeau leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little doggie came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hundred. So, when I start?" ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Moe for this picture: _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it snaps off or comes out of the ground easily, it was a valuable plant. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Donna Byrne, 53, Lakeland, Florida Florida woman charged with DUI while riding horse A Florida judge says a sheriff's office must retain custody of a horse whose owner was charged with drunken driving while riding the animal. In a report by The Lakeland Ledger, Polk County Judge Sharon Franklin said 53-year-old Donna Byrne was unfit to care for the horse. Franklin also said Byrne must complete treatment for alcohol addiction. Byrne was arrested Nov. 2 after riding her horse down a highway. Police said her blood-alcohol level twice Florida's legal limit. Byrne's attorney, Craig Whisenhunt, says he will revisit the custody issue at a Jan. 11 hearing regarding additional pending charges of disorderly intoxication, animal endangerment and culpable negligence. Whisenhunt questions whether the charges applied to Byrne, saying she had not been disorderly and was a pedestrian under the law. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dani Re: Petitions Dear Webby, I receive a lot of petitions like the one below. Can you tell me if it will actully be sent to the people intended and does it do any good or is it just trashed as junk mail? Thanks for your help. Dani ---- PETITION FOR: President Trump and Schwarzenegger .... Dear Dani Looks like garbage to me. There is nothing that Trump or Schwarzenegger can do about it. They are not the ones who make your laws. All they do is make suggestions, then your Senate and Congress twist those around to suit themselves, which usually is the opposite, and then Trump and Arnold wind up having to take the blame for those laws, and explain them to the people. Petitions like that one carry exactly the same amount of clout as any other nonsense forwards coming out of AOL. Even if it was sent to the White House, some spam technician would say "Buncha Morons!" and hit the Delete key. A few hundred names on a non-verified list don't count for more than spam about snake oil or fake watches. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Bubba takes a photo of the front of his house to the local copy store and asks the clerk to put it on disk for him. He does. They are both looking at the monitor to see the results, and the man asks if the picture can be turned. "Sure" says the clerk. The man replies, "Good, I need a shot of the back of my house also." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
What happens when you have deja vu and amnesia at the same time? You have the feeling that you're forgetting the same thing all over again. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing A Faded Patio Umbrella One day Little Johnny's teacher, decided to play a spelling game. She gave a letter of the alphabet and the kids have to spell a word starting with that letter, then use it in a sentence. Starting with "A" Little Johnny's hand was continually in the air, but the teacher ignored him. Little Johnny had a propensity for lewd remarks and could turn the simplest of statements into sexual innuendo. The teacher was afraid to let Johnny use any letter that he could turn into a lewd statement. "All right now, Susan, you first?" said the teacher. "A is for Ape, A-P-E, An ape likes bananas" answered Susan. "Excellent " said the teacher. She continues on through the alphabet. Finally she reaches F. Now she will NOT let Little Johnny answer this under any circumstances so she asks Mary. "F is for Fairy F-A-I-R-Y, they're little girls who live among the flowers", Mary replies. "Great", says the teacher. "Now we get to G". Only Little Johnny has his hand up so the teacher thinks about this and decides "G" is a safe one. "Yes Johnny?" She asks. "G is for Gnome G-N-O-M-E. A Gnome lives among the flowers too". "Johnny! That's Excellent!" Exclaims the teacher, very happy that for once he wasn't out of line. Little Johnny goes on to say, "yes, teacher, he's the one who knocks up the fairies!" Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font> ____________________________________________________ Came across this one in my archives. Thanks to *Sandie for this story: When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise , God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter." Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man. God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him." God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?" The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here." --------- *Sandie Remember that 30 year old Ferro cactus a couple of days ago? Here is Sandie claiming that this 200 year old Ferro wants to go home with her. It is an old picture. Sandie got her wings 4 years ago. | | Beautiful butterfly murals on buildings. Hurry up Spring and Summer so we can see these beautiful "flutter bys" as I call them. |
Thank you so very much for a wonderful newsletter. You are makimng a huge difference in many lives. Joe W. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, January 4, in 1850 The first American ice-skating club was organized in Philadelphia, PA. 1884 The socialist Fabian Society was founded in London. 1936 The first pop music chart based on national sales was published by "Billboard" magazine. 1944 The attack on Monte Cassino was launched by the British Fifth Army in Italy. 1948 Britain granted independence to Burma. 1951 During the Korean conflict, North Korean and Communist Chinese forces captured the city of Seoul. 1953 Tufted plastic carpeting was introduced by Barwick Mills. 1958 The Soviet satellite Sputknik I fell to the earth from its orbit. The craft had been launched on October 4, 1957. 1962 New York City introduced a train that operated without conductors and motormen. 1965 The Fender Guitar Company was sold to CBS for $13 million. 1974 U.S. President Nixon refused to hand over tape recordings and documents subpoenaed by the Senate Watergate Committee. 1984 Wayne 'The Great One' Gretzky scored eight points (four goals and four assists) for the second time in his National Hockey League (NHL) career. Edmonton Oilers defeated the Minnesota North Stars, 12-8. The game was the highest-scoring NHL game to date. 1991 The U.N. Security Council voted unanimously to condemn Israel's treatment of the Palestinians in the occupied territories. 1997 The Greek Cypriot government signed an agreement to buy S-300 surface-to-air missiles from Russia. 1999 A drifting Nicaraguan fishing boat was found by the Norwegian oil tanker Joelm. The fisherman had been lost at sea for 35 days after the engine of their vessel quit working. 1999 Former professional wrestler Jesse Ventura was sworn in as Minnesota's 37th governor. 2007 Nancy Pelosi became Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives. She was the first woman to hold the position. 2010 In Dubai, United Arab Emirates, the Burj Dubai (Dubai Tower) opened as the world's tallest tower at 2,625 feet. 2018 Do smiled. |
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