Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, May 31 Memorial Day in the US In Flanders Fields by John McCrae, May 1915 In Flanders fields the poppies blow Between the crosses, row on row, That mark our place; and in the sky The larks, still bravely singing, fly Scarce heard amid the guns below. We are the Dead. Short days ago We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, Loved and were loved, and now we lie In Flanders fields. Take up our quarrel with the foe: To you from failing hands we throw The torch; be yours to hold it high. If ye break faith with us who die We shall not sleep, though poppies grow In Flanders fields. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Flagstaff tow-truck driver arrested after he ran a red light and killed a woman ___________________________________________________ Today, May 31 in 1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 3 years of construction. It still works just fine. The Grizzly bears love it too! ____________________________________________________ Language is the source of misunderstandings. --- Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900 - 1944) "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." --- Michael Evans "Four out of five people think the fifth is an idiot." ____________________________________________________ Some people's appliances!! A Wales woman in Llanelli, Dyfed had to call emergency services from her mobile phone when her washing machine pinned her against the sink. In a slick move, the machine, running on vibrations, slowly slid across the kitchen floor until it completed its destiny and she was pinned for the count. And what says the washing machine? It wouldn't respond to reporter's questions because it was feeling drained. The machine is not likely to repeat the behavior because it was probably just a cycle it was going through. ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Ed was shopping the other day and wound up face to face with this drop dead gorgeous woman. He couldn't help but just stare at her, so much so that his mouth dropped open. The woman caught him staring and suspected he wasn't just admiring her outfit. She said, "Are you often troubled by indecent thoughts?" Ed replied, "No, ma'am, not troubled at all. Actually, to be honest, I rather enjoy them." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Norman Cloutier, Wildomar, California,, USA Flagstaff tow-truck driver arrested after he ran a red light and killed a woman A tow truck driver has been arrested after hitting six bicyclists in Flagstaff, killing a woman and sending four others to the hospital on May 28. Flagstaff police say a tow truck had ran a red light on Butler Avenue and Beaver Street, crashing into a group of bicyclists traveling south down the intersection. One rider, identified as 29-year-old Joanna Wheaton, died in the collision. Four others were hospitalized, and another bicyclist refused treatment. The group was reportedly on a weekly night bike ride. The injuries to the other bicyclists are officially unknown, but friends say some of them suffered serious injuries, and are going in and out of surgery. The driver, Norman Cloutier, was charged with causing a death by a moving violation, Flagstaff Police officials say. Investigators say Cloutier did not appear to be under the influence. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits FROM: Georgina RE: Pets setting off motion detector Dear Webby I have a motion detector in my bed room. Yeah, I know, that is pretty sad, but I have been living alone for a long time and it used to work just fine. When I stood up, the light came on. A month ago a friend gave me a puppy, who seems to delight in turning the light on by running around. I asked the security company that originally installed the motion detector switch, but they said that installing a "Pet Alley" would cost $150. That seems way too much. You used to install security systems in the 90s. Does a "Pet Alley" really cost that much? Georgina Dear Georgina I never charged extra for that. All it takes is a strip of black masking tape covering the lower part of the motion detector's "window". You can even cover the lower part of the motion detector with cardboard, wood or metal. Then it does not see the puppie nrunning around. Have FUN! DearWebby Pierre from Montreal was in a hotel in Edmonton and phoned room service for some pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Noose pepper!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another one." Swampy turns a little pale and leaves.Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he the father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another on the way, so call back later." At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth is on the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a double scotch. Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the recording is still going strong: "The score is ninety-six all out," says the voice, "and the last one was a duck." ___________________________________________ A married couple in New York's "Little Italy" went to their Priest to discuss birth control, since they already had five children. The husband inquired if perhaps oral sex would be an acceptable substitute in the eyes of the Church. The Priest explained that it was still considered a sin and frowned upon by the church. The wife spoke up fuming: "Look Fatha, you no play-a da game, you no make-a da rules." ____________________________________________ The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had to do it over again. "Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, in May 31 in 1433 Sigismund was crowned emperor of Rome. 1859 In London, Big Ben went into operation. 1870 E.J. DeSemdt patented asphalt. 1880 The first U.S. national bicycle society was formed in Newport, RI. It was known as the League of American Wheelmen. 1884 Dr. John Harvey Kellogg patented "flaked cereal." 1889 In Johnstown, PA, more than 2,200 people died after the South Fork Dam collapsed. 1900 U.S. troops arrived in Peking to help put down the Boxer Rebellion. 1902 The Boer War ended between the Boers of South Africa and Great Britain with the Treaty of Vereeniging. 1907 The first taxis arrived in New York City. They were the first in the United States. 1909 The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) held its first conference. 1910 The Union of South Africa was founded. 1915 A German zeppelin made an air raid on London. 1927 Ford Motor Company produced the last "Tin Lizzie" in order to begin production of the Model A. 1929 In Beverly, MA, the first U.S. born reindeer were born. 1941 The first issue of "Parade: The Weekly Picture Newspaper" went on sale. 1943 "Archie" was aired on the Mutual Broadcasting System for the first time. 1947 Communists seized control of Hungary. 1955 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered that all states must end racial segregation "with all deliberate speed." 1961 South Africa became an independent republic. 1962 Adolf Eichmann was hanged in Israel. Eichmann was a Gestapo official and was executed for his actions in the Nazi Holocaust. 1970 An earthquake in Peru killed tens of thousands of people. 1974 Israel and Syria signed an agreement on the Golan Heights. 1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 3 years of construction. It still works. 1979 Zimbabwe proclaimed its independence. 1994 The U.S. announced it was no longer aiming long-range nuclear missiles at targets in the former Soviet Union. 1995 Bob Dole singled out Time Warner for "the marketing of evil" in movies and music. Dole later admitted that he had not seen or heard much of what he had been criticizing. 2003 In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph was captured. He had been on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list for five years for several bombings including the 1996 Olympic bombing. 2021 Do smiled. |
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