Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, February 21 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today, February 21, in 1842, John J. Greenough patented the sewing machine. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Jaime Larkin Sold $2M In Steroids, Stung By PBSO ___________________________________________________ Laughter is the closest distance between two people. --- Victor Borge (1909 - 2000) Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this one: A bum, who obviously has seen more than his share of hard times, approaches a well dressed gentleman on the street. "Hey, buddy, can you spare two dollars?" The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You are not going to spend it on liquor are you?" "No, sir, I don't drink," retorts the bum. "You are not going to throw it away in some crap game, are you?" asks the gentleman. "No way, I don't gamble," answers the bum. "You wouldn't waste the money at a golf course for greens fees, would you?" asks the man. "Never," says the bum, "I don't play golf." The man asks the bum if he would like to come home with him for a home cooked meal. The bum accepts eagerly. While they are heading for the man's house, the bum's curiosity gets the better of him. "Isn't your wife going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at your table?" "Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I want her to see what happens to a guy who doesn't drink, gamble or play golf!" ---------- Hey, Cookie! I don't drink, gamble or play golf! But I do wash dishes! ___________________________________________________ A man appears at a woman's front door and announces, "Madam, I'm the piano tuner." "I didn't send for a tuner," the piano-playing woman replies. "I know, lady," the man says. "Your neighbor did." ____________________________________________________ Female Cardinal ____________________________________________________ An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a woman in her 20s and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asks a friend. "With her, your chances are better," says the friend, "if you tell her you're 90." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jaime Larkin, DELRAY BEACH, Florida, USA Jaime Larkin Sold $2M In Steroids, Stung By PBSO Jamie Larkin An arrest report identifies Jaime Larkin as a major source of steroids in South Florida. BY: STAFF REPORT | BocaNewsNow.com MetroDesk Media, LLC) The Palm Beach County Sheriffs Office used a confidential informant to purchase thousands of dollars worth of steroids from Jaime Larkin, then ran a financial crimes investigation to determine that his steroid business has netted at least $2M. Those are among the allegations filed in the affidavit of probable cause just released following Larkins arrest earlier this week. The document identifies Larkin as a major source of steroid distribution in South Florida. Over the span of several months, PBSO detectives using a confidential informant purchased Testosterone, Kisspeptin, Anastrozole, Anavar, Nanadrolan, and more. The drugs were all prescribed by a doctor who investigators claim is a known associate of Larkin. Read the complete arrest report, below, to understand how detectives investigated Larkin and eventually arrested him after months of detective work. He is now charged with money laundering, and two counts of selling/possessing steroids. Larkin, who lives in Delray Beach, was booked into jail on February 15th and released several hours later on $6,000 bond. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Irene Re: Throne INhouse Dear Webby Like you once did, we are living in the bush. And like you once did, we are on a rocky mountain top. We can't dig a septic tank, and have to have buckets in the outhouse. Well, the romance of rustic living has worn off quite suddenly, when I realized that I was 3 months overdue. A friend told me all about you, and mentioned your Throne. Please tell me more about "the Throne". Irene Dear Irene "The Throne" is a white fiberglass toilet, hat sits on a 6" high pedestal. That is why it is called a Throne. Beside the throne you have to have a bag or bucket of peat moss, and a mug. After you have donated to the throne, you dump a mug of peatmoss in, and crank the handle on the side one rotation to mix the donation. In the back of the throne you have a dryer hose to the outside and up like a thin chimney. The peatmoss and your donation produce methane and the dryer hose vents it out. Depending on the number of users, after two - five weeks the cranking gets a bit harder. Then you pull out the drawer in the step, and carry it out to your compost or garden. It is already digested coompost and does not smell. That is all there is to it. If you want to get fancy, add a shelf on the side for coffee mugs and a library for whatever you are reading these days. Have FUN! DearWebby A lawyer was cross-examining a witness: "You have just testified that you heard the shot at exactly 11:32 p.m.? How did you know what time it was? Did you look at your watch?" "No," the witness said. "I looked at the sundial in the garden." "That's absurd," screamed the lawyer. "How could you tell time by a sundial at 11:32 at night?" "I had a flashlight," the witness said. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A travelling salesman finds himself stranded in the tiniest town in Australia. He knocks on the door of a little hotel. "Sorry, we don't have a spare room," says the manager, "but you're welcome to share with a little red-headed schoolteacher, if that's okay." "Oh, that'll be great," says the bloke, grinning from ear to ear."And don't worry, I'll be a real gentleman." "Just as well," says the manager. "So will the little red-headed schoolteacher." ______________________________________________ Psychology was tried on a difficult hiccough case. All simple remedies had failed and the physician, knowing that his patient was an old tightwad, resorted to a stratagem. He administered a new, cheap medicine. This drew from the patient an inquiry as to its contents. "Chiefly musk," said the doctor. "But isn't that the expensive stuff they use in perfumes?" "Yes," said the doctor. "Each dose of this costs Seventy dollars." The hiccoughs immediately stopped. ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business." ___________________________________________________ | Today, February 21, in 1804, The first self-propelled locomotive on rails was demonstrated in Wales. 1842, John J. Greenough patented the sewing machine. 1848, The Communist Manifesto was published by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels. 1858, The first electric burglar alarm was installed in Boston, MA. 1866, Lucy B. Hobbs became the first woman to graduate from a dental school. The school was the Ohio College of Dental Surgery in Cincinnati. 1878, The first telephone directories issued in the U.S. were distributed to residents in New Haven, CT. It was a single page of only fifty names. 1916, During World War I, the Battle of Verdun began in France. The battle ended on December 18, 1916 with a French victory over Germany. 1932, William N. Goodwin patented the camera exposure meter. 1947, Edwin Land demonstrated the Polaroid Land Camera to the Optical Society of America in New York City. It was the first camera to take, develop and print a picture on photo paper all in about 60 seconds. The photos were black and white. The camera went on sale the following year. 1950, The first International Pancake Race was held in Liberal, Kansas. 1965, Malcolm X was assassinated in New York City at the age of 39 by assassins identified as Black Muslims. 1968, An agreement between baseball players and club owners increased the minimum salary for major league players to $10,000 a year. 1973, Israeli fighter planes shot down a Libyan Airlines jet over the Sinai Desert. More than 100 people were killed. 1975, Former U.S. Attorney General John N. Mitchell and former White House aides H.R. Haldeman and John D. Ehrlichman were sentenced to 2 1/2 to 8 years in prison for their roles in the Watergate cover-up. 1988, In Baton Rouge, LA, TV evangelist Jimmy Swaggart confessed to his congregation that he was guilty of an unspecified sin. He announced that he was leaving the pulpit temporarily. Swaggart had been linked to an admitted prostitute. 1989, U.S. President George H.W. Bush called Ayatollah Khomeini's death warrant against "Satanic Verses" author Salman Rushdie "deeply offensive to the norms of civilized behavior." 1995, Chicago stockbroker Steve Fossett became the first person to fly solo across the Pacific Ocean in a balloon. He landed in Leader, Saskatchewan, Canada. 1999, India's Prime Minister Atal Bihair Vajpayee concluded two days of meeting with Pakistan's Prime Minister Mohammad Nowaz Sharif. 2000, David Letterman returned to his Late Night show about five weeks after having an emergency quintuple heart bypass operation. 2003, David Hasselhoff and his wife Pamela were injured in a motorcycle accident. The accident was caused by a strong gust of wind. Hasselhoff fractured his lower back and broke several ribs. His wife fractured her left ankle and right wrist. 2019, At Cape Canaveral, FL, SpaceIL launched their Beresheet proble. It was the first privately funded mission to the Moon. The probe crash-landed on the Moon on April 11. 2021 Do smiled. |
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