Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, January 14 I am not a happy camper. Just before taking off to Calgary, Barb, my former secretary, told me that her car had a flat and that she did not feel like driving my little old truck. So I had to find a cab. That cost me $250 more than I had budgeted for Barb. After that the situation got worse. The Refurb, that I had paid for on Jan 2, is now scheduled to be delivered to the Staples store in Okotoks on January 22. What you felt, was not an earthquake, but an old fart jumping up and down, yelling and screaming. I guess Staples has to refurb their dog sled, and then train the kitten, that they got instead of sled dogs. @#$%^&*!!!! ___________________________________________________ Today, January 14 in 1878 Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone for Britain's Queen Victoria. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | http://clients.webby.com/inv/maidan/index.html |
Today's Bonehead Award: Floriduh Dementocrat spits on Maga Hat wearer and calls him a communist __________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) _______________________________________________ One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week" The florist is pleased and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money; I'm doing community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop Next morning when the barber goes to open; there is a thank you card and a dozen different books such as "How to improve your business and becoming more successful". Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop. 6 "The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called them music."! The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut. ________________________________________________` ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Matthias Ajple, 43, Vero Beach, Floriduh Floriduh Dementocrat spits on Maga Hat wearer and calls him a communist The man arrested for spitting on a fellow restaurant patron who was wearing a Make America Great Again hat today was sentenced to 90 days in jail by a Florida judge who also ordered the Donald Trump detractor to serve 12 months probation upon his release from custody, records show. Matthias Ajple, a 43-year-old engineer, was taken into custody following his sentencing this morning for battery. Ajple, who pleaded no contest to the misdemeanor count, was also directed to pay about $700 in fines and court costs. Additionally, a judge ordered Ajple to have no contact with Robert Youngblood, the 67-year-old Trump supporter who Ajple spit on in late-October at the Hurricane Grill & Wings restaurant in Vero Beach. Ajple must also pay Youngblood $155 in restitution. According to an arrest affidavit, Ajple initially approached Youngblood while the Trump fan was seated at the bar with two friends. You should go back to Russia you fucking communist, Ajple told Youngblood before he slapped the brim of Youngbloods red MAGA hat. Ajple, who was at the eatery with his wife, later spit on Youngblood and then left the scene, cops charged. Youngblood wrote down the license plate of the car his assailant drove away in and provided it to police. Ajple is a registered Democrat, while Youngblood is a registered Republican, according to Florida state voter records. When questioned by police, Ajple claimed that, I was just trying to protect you guys because I support law enforcement. Trump supporters are communist and racist. He added, I dont even care that Im going to jail, this is actually exciting. Plus, I have more time on this earth than he does anyway, he probably feels so good about himself. Ajples sentencing does not end his legal entanglements over the spitting incident. In mid-November, Youngblood filed a civil suit against Ajple and his wife that accuses the couple of assault, battery, and conspiracy and seeks in excess of $15,000 in damages. Youngbloods complaint includes still images from the restaurants security camera that show Ajple striking Youngbloods MAGA cap and then appearing to spit. According to the lawsuit, at the time of the October 25 spitting incident, Youngblood had just undergone cancer surgery and had 17 stitches on his neck. Youngblood, the complaint alleges, suffered emotional distress when Ajple spit on and about him including the area of his recent cancer surgery. --------------- Somebody should tell the deranged Dementocrat that Trump is the ANTI-Communist, and that Bernie and Biden are the Communists. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Elaine Re: PDF Converter Dear DearWebby I have written to you before without success but thought I would try again. I maintain a member list for a non profit group but the head agency sends PDF. I need to be able to use the info in different ways so convert to a doc format. I have used one I found online but it is limited to the number of free uses. Wondering if you know of any free converter without having to purchase a bells and whistles program that I don't need. Many Thanks - have been a subscriber for many years and read every day !! Have even used the odd tip !!! Elaine Dear Elaine I have used Nitro Reader for about 25 years, maybe more. At the time I got it, it was free. The reader is still free, the writer, for writing eBooks, is not free. I have also used Foxit from https://www.foxitsoftware.com Free PDF writers are at https://pdf.wondershare.com/top-pdf-software/free-pdf- writer.html Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?" he customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?" "Yes granddaughter, it's me." "It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?" "Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit!!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Canning Jars for Blending If you have a blender with a removable blade, you might be able to blend right in your canning jars. Saves time and money. Thanks for reading, Jess Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun ____________________________________________________ | | 2019 Sony World Photography Awards |
___________________________________________________ A Huey Cobra practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise had a problem and landed on the tail rotor, separating the tailboom. Fortunately, it wound up on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s in a brilliant shower of sparks. As the Cobra passed the tower, the following exchange was overheard: Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?" Cobra: "I don't know, tower. We ain't done crashin' yet!" ___________________________________________________ A couple of professional basketball players decided to sign up as ocean beach lifeguards during their team's off-season. The Park manager stared up at the 7-foot-plus applicants. "Sure, you two can play basketball," he challenged, "but can you swim?" "Not a stroke," replied the taller of the two. "But we wade real good." ___________________________________________________ The airplane took off with a full load of passengers. Ten minutes into the flight the loud speaker announced: Good afternoon ladies and gentleman. You are privileged to be riding on the very first pilotless flight. Do not panic. This flight is backed by the finest technology in the world today. It has been planned by the United States Army and is sanctioned by the United States Government. Absolutely nothing can go wrong..go wrong..go wrong..go wrong... __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today January 14 in 1639 Connecticut's first constitution, the "Fundamental Orders," was adopted. 1784 The United States ratified a peace treaty with England ending the Revolutionary War. 1858 French emperor Napoleon III escaped an attempt on his life. 1873 John Hyatt's 1869 invention Celluloid was registered as a trademark. 1878 Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone for Britain's Queen Victoria. 1882 The Myopia Hunt Club, in Winchester, MA, became the first country club in the United States. 1907 An earthquake killed over 1,000 people in Kingston, Jamaica. 1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S. President to fly in an airplane while in office. He flew from Miami, FL, to French Morocco where he met with British Prime Minister Winston Churchill to discuss World War II. 1953 Josip Broz Tito was elected president of Yugoslavia by the country's Parliament. 1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were married. The marriage only lasted nine months. 1954 The Hudson Motor Car Company merged with Nash- Kelvinator. The new company was called the American Motors Corporation. 1963 George C. Wallace was sworn in as governor of Alabama. 1969 An explosion aboard the U.S. aircraft carrier Enterprise off Hawaii killed 25 crew members. 1985 Martina Navratilova won her 100th tournament. She joined Jimmy Connors and Chris Evert Lloyd as the only professional tennis players to win 100 tournaments. 1986 "Rambo: First Blood, Part II" arrived at video stores. It broke the record set by "Ghostbusters", for first day orders. 435,000 copies of the video were sold. 1993 The British government pledged to introduce legislation to criminalize invasions of privacy by the press. 1994 U.S. President Clinton and Russian President Boris Yeltsin signed Kremlin accords to stop aiming missiles at any nation and to dismantle the nuclear arsenal of Ukraine. 1996 Juan Garcia Abrego was arrested by Mexican agents. The alleged drug lord was handed over to the FBI the next day. 1998 Whitewater prosecutors questioned Hillary Rodham Clinton at the White House for 10 minutes about the gathering of FBI background files on past Republican political appointees. 1998 In Dallas, researchers report an enzyme that slows the aging process and cell death. 1999 The impeachment trial of U.S. President Clinton began in Washington, DC. 1999 The U.S. proposed the lifting of the U.N. ceilings on the sale of oil in Iraq. The restriction being that the money be used to buy medicine and food for the Iraqi people. 2000 A U.N. tribunal sentenced five Bosnian Croats to up to 25 years for the 1993 massacre of over 100 Muslims in a Bosnian village. 2004 In St. Louis, a Lewis and Clark Exhibition opened at the Missouri History Museum. The exhibit featured 500 rare and priceless objects used by the Corps of Discovery. 2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back pictures during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan. The mission was launched on October 15, 1997. 2019 Do smiled. |
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