Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, May 24 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Tempe man is arrested for kidnapping, robbery and assault during a home invasion during a house party ___________________________________________________ History 1689, The English Parliament passed Act of Toleration, protecting Protestants. Roman Catholics were specifically excluded from exemption. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________________ Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae. --- Kurt Vonnegut (1922 - 2007) When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. --- Thomas Szasz __________________________________________________ Consider the fellow who was having a trouble with a leg so he went to the doctor. "You have a touch of gout," the doctor said. "I recommend that you give up smoking, drinking and sex for a while." "What?" said the man. "Just so I can walk a little better?" ___________________________________________________ An elderly man walking through a mall notices a younger man walking the other way with spiked hair all different colors -- green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man just stares. The younger man says, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?" The old man replies, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Luis Delpozo, 23, Tempe, USA Tempe man is arrested for kidnapping, robbery and assault during a home invasion during a house party According to court documents, a victim had people over for a party at a home near McKellips Road and College Avenue on May 1. During the party, one of the guests invited another person to the home, who showed up with 23-year-old Luis Delpozo. Delpozo and his friend then allegedly tied up a man and two women who were at the party. The male victim later told police that Delpozo and his friend kicked him in the head before tying him up and stealing $30,000 worth of firearms and $8,000 worth of precious metals and watches. The male victim later told police that Delpozo and his friend kicked him in the head before tying him up and stealing $30,000 worth of firearms and $8,000 worth of precious metals and watches. The male victim reportedly suffered a skull fracture and a brain bleed from the assault. Surveillance video from the victim's home captured a white Dodge Charger parked outside, which was later linked to the suspects. Delpozo was arrested and booked into jail. He is being held on a $75,000 bond. ___________________________________________________ An out-of-towner in Manhattan decides to revisit a fine uptown restaurant he had enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he begins, "Hey, you know, it's been over five years since I first came in here ... " "You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replies the harried waiter. "I can only serve one table at a time." ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ Consider this dialogue between a museum guard and a group of tourists gaping at dinosaur bones in a natural history museum. "Can you tell us how old the dinosaur bones are?" one asks. "They are 3 million, four years and six months old," the guard says authoritatively. "That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so definitely?" "Well, the bones were 3 million years old when I started working here, and that was 4 1/2 years ago." ____________________________________________________ Ron Asp Oriole taken in the county of Wetaskiwin, AB. May 22.2022 ___________________________________________________ Consider the man standing by the office fax machine and scratching his head when a co-worker walks by. "Do you know anything about this fax machine?" the puzzled fellow asks. "A little. What's wrong?" "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened." "How did you load the sheet?" the other worker asks. "Well, it's confidential, so I folded it in half, like this, so no one else could read it." ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Brett Re: Passwords Dear Webby, You used to promote a certain password manager, but then got miffed, when they lost all your passwords. What are you using now? Brett Dear Brett Nowadays I use Dashlane It is no better, really, just that I am not mad at them, yet. Make sure you write down your Master Password some place, where you can find it, when you need it. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Ask the owner of the small clothing shop that was burglarized. A detective was questioning him about how much he lost. "It's bad," said the proprietor, "but it's not as bad as it could have been if he'd robbed me yesterday." "Why is that?" the detective asked. "Because today everything was on sale." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A lawyer tells his client: "I have some good news, and I have some bad news." The client says, "I could use some good news. What is it?" "You ex-wife is not making you pay her on any inheritance you receive." "And the bad news?" "She's marrying your father ______________________________________________ Consider the intern who discovers while working she is almost out of typing paper. Wondering what to do, she turns to her supervisor. "Just use copy machine paper," her boss says. With that, the intern takes her last remaining blank piece of paper, puts it on the photocopier -- then proceeds to make five blank copies. ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Consider the three friends who die in a car crash and are met at the Pearly Gates with the same question: "When you're lying in your casket, and friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in the children of tomorrow." The last guy thinks for a moment, and then replies, "I guess I'd like to hear them say, 'Look, he's moving!'" ___________________________________________________ | Today, May 24, in 1610, Sir Thomas Gates institutes "laws divine moral and marshal," a harsh civil code for Jamestown. 1624, After years of unprofitable operation Virginias charter was revoked and it became a royal colony. 1689, The English Parliament passed Act of Toleration, protecting Protestants. Roman Catholics were specifically excluded from exemption. 1738, The Methodist Church was established. 1764, Bostonian lawyer James Otis denounced "taxation without representation" and called for the colonies to unite in demonstrating their opposition to Britains new tax measures. 1798, Believing that a French invasion of Ireland was imminent, Irish nationalists rose up against the British occupation. 1816, Emamual Leutze was born in Germany. He was most famous for his paintings "Washington Crossing the Delaware" and "Columbus Before the Queen". 1822, At the Battle of Pichincha, Bolivar secured independence of the Quito. 1830, The first passenger railroad service in the U.S. began service. 1844, Samuel F.B. Morse formally opened America's first telegraph line. The first message was sent from Washington, DC, to Baltimore, MD. The message was "What hath God wrought?" 1859, Charles Gounod's "Ave Maria" was performed by Madame Caroline Miolan-Carvalho for the first time in public. 1863, Bushwackers led by Captain William Marchbanks attacked a U.S. Federal militia party in Nevada, Missouri. 1878, The first American bicycle race was held in Boston. 1881, About 200 people died when the Canadian ferry Princess Victoria sank near London, Ontario. 1883, After 14 years of construction the Brooklyn Bridge was opened to traffic. 1899, The first public garage was opened by W.T. McCullough. 1913, The U.S. Department of Labor entered into its first strike mediation. The dispute was between the Railroad Clerks of the New York, New Haven and Hartford Railroad. 1930, Amy Johnson became the first woman to fly from England to Australia. 1931, B&O Railroad began service with the first passenger train to have air conditioning throughout. The run was between New York City and Washington, DC. 1935, The Cincinnati Reds played the Philadelphia Phillies in the first major league baseball game at night. The switch for the floodlights was thrown by U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt. 1941, The HMS Hood was sunk by the German battleship Bismarck in the North Atlantic. Only three people survived. 1954, The first moving sidewalk in a railroad station was opened in Jersey City, NJ. 1958, United Press International was formed through a merger of the United Press and the International News Service. 1961, The Freedom Riders were arrested in Jackson, Mississippi. 1967, California Governor Ronald Reagan greeted Charles M. Schulz at the state capitol in observance of the legislature-proclaimed "Charles Schulz Day." 1976, Britain and France opened trans-Atlantic Concorde service to Washington. 1980, The International Court of Justice issued a final decision calling for the release of the hostages taken at the U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. 1983, The Brooklyn Bridge's 100th birthday was celebrated. 1983, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the federal government had the right to deny tax breaks to schools that racially discriminate. 1986, Montreal won its 23rd National Hockey League (NHL) Stanley Cup championship. 1990, The Edmonton Oilers won their fifth National Hockey League (NHL) Stanley Cup. 1993, Roman Catholic Cardinal Juan Jesus Posada Ocampo and six other people were killed at the Guadalajara, Mexico, airport in a shootout that involved drug gangs. 1993, The Ethiopian province of Eritrea declared itself an independent nation. 1994, The four men convicted of bombing the New York's World Trade Center were each sentenced to 240 years in prison. 1999, 39 miners were killed in an underground gas explosion in the Ukraine. 2000, Five people were killed and two others wounded when two gunmen entered a Wendy's restaurant in Flushing, Queens, New York. The gunmen tied up the victims in the basement and then shot them. 2000, The U.S. House of Representatives approved permanent normal trade relations with China. China was not happy about some of the human rights conditions that had been attached by the U.S. lawmakers. 2000, A Democratic Party event for Al Gore in Washington brought in $26.5 million. The amount set a new record, which had just been set the previous month by Republicans for Texas Gov. George W. Bush. 2001, Temba Tsheri, 15, became the youngest person to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 2011, NASA announced the development of the Orion Multi- Purpose Crew Vehicle (MPCV) spacecraft. It is intended to facilitate exploration of the Moon, asteroids and Mars. 2022 Do smiled. |
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