Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, March 5 ___________________________________________________ Today, March 5 in 1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in power for 29 years. ______________________________________________________ When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. --- Thomas Szasz ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Colorado dad sentenced to 72 years in prison after son, 7, found encased in concrete __________________________________________ The weather was very hot in Australia and Fred wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. Having forgotten to pack a swimming suit, he chose to skinny dip. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of middle-aged ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He strategically positioned the bucket and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said: "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds." "Impossible," said the embarrassed man. "You really know what I think?" She said: "Yes, and right now I bet you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom." __________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for sending this picture: __________________________________________ At one school with a dubious record, a coach berates the dean to pass one of his key players, warning the weekend's game is doomed without him. The dean says he will pass the failing jock if he can pass a simple mathematical quiz. The player enters the room and the dean asks: "How much is five times four?" The player scratches his head, then grins, exclaiming: "That's simple -- 25!" The dean then turns to the coach and says, "See, what did I tell you? He failed." The coach says: "What's the big deal? He only missed it by one!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Colorado dad sentenced to 72 years in prison after son, 7, found encased in concrete Leland Pankey, 40, in jail, Colorado A Colorado man was sentenced to 72 years in prison on Friday for his role in the death of his 7-year-old son who was found encased in concrete in a storage unit in December 2018. Leland Pankey, 40, was handed out the maximum sentence possible after prosecutors were forced to drop a murder charge when authorities were unable to determine the cause of death for young Caden McWilliams who died sometime in July 2018. Pankey pleaded guilty in January to child abuse resulting in death and tampering with a deceased body after police found Cadens body in December 2018 while investigating allegations of domestic violence leveled against him by his wife, Elisha Pankey.Court documents revealed that she allegedly told investigators that her husband kept their son in a dog kennel "a few days" before he died in July at a hotel where the family had been living. An autopsy found signs that the boy was severely emaciated and evidence of injuries to his head, chest and limbs. Some of the injuries showed signs of healing, but authorities were not able to determine how he died. Court documents revealed that she allegedly told investigators that her husband kept their son in a dog kennel "a few days" before he died in July at a hotel where the family had been living. An autopsy found signs that the boy was severely emaciated and evidence of injuries to his head, chest and limbs. Some of the injuries showed signs of healing, but authorities were not able to determine how he died. Elisha Pankey previously pleaded guilty to child abuse resulting in death under a plea deal that required her cooperation with prosecutors. She faces between 16 and 32 years in prison when she is sentenced in April. Authorities have not explained why the boy's last name differed from his parents. The Associated Press contributed to this report. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Brett Re: Passwords Dear Webby, You used to promote a certain password manager, but then got miffed, when they lost all your passwords. What are you using now? Brett Dear Brett Nowadays I use Dashlane It is no better, really, just that I am not mad at them, yet. Make sure you write down your Master Password some place, where you can find it, when you need it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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____________________________________________________ An out-of-towner in Manhattan decides to revisit a fine uptown restaurant he had enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he begins, "Hey, you know, it's been over five years since I first came in here ... " "You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replies the harried waiter. "I can only serve one table at a time." | | Baxter Black's poetry. LOL! |
_____________________________________________ Consider this dialogue between a museum guard and a group of tourists gaping at dinosaur bones in a natural history museum. "Can you tell us how old the dinosaur bones are?" one asks. "They are 3 million, four years and six months old," the guard says authoritatively. "That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so definitely?" "Well, the bones were 3 million years old when I started working here, and that was 4 1/2 years ago." _____________________________________________ Consider the man standing by the office fax machine and scratching his head when a co-worker walks by. "Do you know anything about this fax machine?" the puzzled fellow asks. "A little. What's wrong?" "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened." "How did you load the sheet?" the other worker asks. "Well, it's confidential, so I folded it in half, like this, so no one else could read it." ____________________________________________ Ask the owner of the small clothing shop that was burglarized. A detective was questioning him about how much he lost. "It's bad," said the proprietor, "but it's not as bad as it could have been if he'd robbed me yesterday." "Why is that?" the detective asked. "Because today everything was on sale." ____________________________________________ | No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today March 5 in 1623 The first alcohol temperance law in the colonies was enacted in Virginia. 1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class was exempted from whipping by legislation. 1750 "King Richard III" was performed in New York City. It was the first Shakespearean play to be presented in America. 1766 The first Spanish governor of Louisiana, Antonio de Ulloa, arrived in New Orleans. 1770 "The Boston Massacre" took place when British troops fired on a crowd in Boston killing five people. Two British troops were later convicted of manslaughter. 1793 Austrian troops defeated the French and recaptured Liege. 1836 Samuel Colt's Patent Arms Manufacturing of Paterson, New Jersey, was chartered by the New Jersey legislature. 1842 A Mexican force of over 500 men under Rafael Vasquez invaded Texas for the first time since the revolution. They briefly occupied San Antonio, but soon headed back to the Rio Grande. 1845 The U.S. Congress appropriated $30,000 to ship camels to the western U.S. 1867 An abortive Fenian uprising against English rule took place in Ireland. 1868 The U.S. Senate was organized into a court of impeachment to decide charges against President Andrew Johnson. 1872 George Westinghouse patented the air brake. 1900 Two U.S. battleships left for Nicaragua to halt revolutionary disturbances. 1902 In France, the National Congress of Miners decided to call for a general strike for an 8-hour day. 1907 In St. Petersburg, Russia, the new Duma opened. 40,000 demonstrators were dispersed by troops. 1910 In Philadelphia, PA, 60,000 people left their jobs to show support for striking transit workers. 1910 The Moroccan envoy signed the 1909 agreement with France. 1912 The Italians became the first to use dirigibles for military purposes. They used them for reconnaissance flights behind Turkish lines west of Tripoli. 1918 The Soviets moved the capital of Russia from Petrograd to Moscow. 1922 "Annie Oakley" (Phoebe Ann Moses) broke all existing records for women's trap shooting. She hit 98 out of 100 targets. 1923 Old-age pension laws were enacted in the states of Montana and Nevada. 1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered a four-day bank holiday in order to stop large amounts of money from being withdrawn from banks. 1933 The Nazi Party won 44 percent of the vote in German parliamentary elections. 1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was celebrated. 1943 Germany called fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds for military service due to war losses. 1946 Winston Churchill delivered his "Iron Curtain Speech". 1946 The U.S. sent protests to the U.S.S.R. on incursions into Manchuria and Iran. 1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in power for 29 years. 1956 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed the ban on segregation in public schools. 1970 A nuclear non-proliferation treaty went into effect after 43 nations ratified it. 1976 The British pound fell below the equivalent of $2 for the first time in history. 1977 U.S. President Jimmy Carter appeared on CBS News with Walter Cronkite for the first "Dial-a-President" radio talk show. 1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that cities had the right to display the Nativity scene as part of their Christmas display. 1984 The U.S. accused Iraq of using poison gas. 1993 Cuban President Fidel Castro said that Hillary Clinton was "a beautiful woman." 1993 Sprinter Ben Johnson was banned from racing for life by the Amateur Athletic Association after testing positive for banned performance-enhancing substances for a second time. 1997 North Korea and South Korea met for first time in 25 years for peace talks. 1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough water on the moon to support a human colony and rocket fueling station. 2020 Do smiled. |
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