Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, July 13 _____________________________________________________ Today, July 13 in 1863 Opponents of the Civil War draft began three days of rioting in New York City, which resulted in more than 1,000 casualties. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Floriduh Mother Arrested For "Prank" Video ! ! ! ! _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. --- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967) "Wild horses couldn't drag a secret out of a woman. However, women seldom have lunch with wild horses." --- Ivern Boyett "There are more important things in life than money - but they won't go out with you if you're broke." --- Socratex _____________________________________________________ >From Jean Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you're drunk. If women are upset at Trump's naughty words, who in the hell bought 80 million copies of 50 Shades of Gray? Jim Comey answered, I don't know, I don't recall, and I don't remember 236 times while under oath. But he remembered enough to write a book. President Trump should nominate Hillary Clinton for the next opening on the supreme court. Then he can finally get her investigated. Not one feminist has defended Sarah Huckabee Sanders. It seems women's rights only matter if those women are Republican. Chelsea Clinton got out of college and got a job at NBC that paid $900,000 per year. Her mom flies around the country speaking out about white privilege. SOCIALISM: An idea that is so good that it has to be mandatory Bernie Sanders walks into a bar and yells... Free drinks for everyone! looks around and says Who's buying? What is the difference between an Illegal immigrant and E.T.? E.T. learned to speak English and went home. And just like that they went from being against foreign interference in our elections to allowing non-citizens to vote in our elections. Watching the left come up with schemes to catch Trump is like watching Wile E. Coyote trying to catch Road Runner. President Trump's wall cost less than the Obamacare website. Let that sink in, America. We are one election away from open borders, socialism, gun confiscation, and full term abortion nationally. We are fighting evil. They sent more troops and armament to arrest Roger Stone than they sent to defend Benghazi. 60 years ago, Venezuela was 4th on the world economic freedom index. Today, they are 179th and their citizens are dying of starvation. In only 10 years, Venezuela was destroyed by socialism.!!!!! Russia donated $0.00 to the Trump campaign. Russia donated $145,600,000 to the Clinton Foundation. But Trump was the one investigated! Nancy Pelosi invited illegal aliens to the State of the Union. President Trump Invited victims of illegal aliens to the State of the Union. A socialist is basically a communist who doesn't have the power to take everything from their citizens at gunpoint ... Yet! How do you walk 3000 miles across Mexico without food or support and show up at our border 100 pounds overweight and with a cellphone? Alexandria Ocasio Cortez wants to ban cars, ban planes, give out universal income and thinks socialism works. She calls Donald Trump crazy. Bill Clinton paid $850,000 to Paula Jones To get her to go away. I don't remember the FBI raiding his lawyer's office. I wake up every day and I am grateful that Hillary Clinton is not the president of the United States of America. The same media that told me Hillary Clinton had a 95% chance of winning now tells me Trump's approval ratings are low. The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people's money. Margaret Thatcher Maxine Waters opposes voter ID laws; She thinks that they are racist. You need to have a photo ID to attend her town hall meetings. Trump: They're not after me. They're after you. I'm just in their way. ______________________________________________________` Autobahn gesperrt (closed) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cori Ward, 30, Jacksonville, Florida Floriduh Mother Arrested For "Prank" Video The Florida Mother who recorded her young daughter licking a tongue depressor and then returning it to a jar in a dentist's office was arrested today on a felony tampering charge. Cori Ward, 30, was busted in connection with a video she posted to her Snapchat account. The clip was then copied and posted to Facebook, where it went viral and drew the attention of law enforcement. The video opens with a closeup of a sign reading Please do not touch medical supplies! Ward then records her 10-year-old child taking a tongue depressor from a jar, licking it, and returning it to the container. The Snapchat post included the caption Don't tell me how to live my life. Ward, seen in the above mug shot, recorded her child in an exam room at the All About Kids and Families Medical Center in Jacksonville. Upon learning of the video, center officials said they disposed of medical supplies in the room, which they then sanitized. In a TV interview this week, Ward--who was not identified in the broadcast--said, I had just been waiting a long time. I was just being silly with my kids. She added, I feel like this is not even real and if I could go back and change it, I definitely would. Charged with tampering with a consumer product without regard for possible death or bodily injury, Ward was booked into the county jail in advance of a court appearance tomorrow DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Moo Moo Re: Pages too big Dear Webby, Hi, it is not the text that is too big, it is the pages that are so big on my screen that I can't read all there is to the left or right even using the scroll bar. Thanks Moo Moo Dear Moo Moo right click on the desktop, Properties Settings And change the resolution to the highest number available in there. If the text becomes too tiny, choose the second highest setting. Let me know how that works out. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution: "I should warn you. . .you may not want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience. "Well, I speak from personal experience," the expert explained. "For years, I watched my wife's routine at breakfast. She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. "So finally one day I made a suggestion: 'Hon,' I said, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" The voice from the back persisted, "And didn't that save time?" The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played, "The Star Spangled Banner." And THAT is how the substitute organist became the regular organist. In THAT church, the kneelers were kicked. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Quick Halloween Decorations for a Party Drape white sheets over all the furniture and windows. It looks like a haunted house and a much more realistic and fun decoration than store-bought paper decorations. Add candles in old fashioned holders on top of covered tables, and a few hidden flashlights to provide creepy uplighting. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | Mesmerizing Physics Demonstration |
___________________________________________________ Marvin found the following ransom note slipped under his front door. "Bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of your country club tomorrow at 10:00 AM if you ever want to see your wife alive again." But it was well after 1:00 PM by the time he arrived at the designated meeting spot. A masked man stepped from behind a bush and demanded, "You're three hours late. What took you so long?" "Give me a break!" said Marvin, pointing to his scorecard. "I'm a 27 handicap." ___________________________________________________ When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at "Mom" and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened. "Don't worry," she said, "I'll take care of it." A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was "Mom." "Martin," she said, "you left your cell phone at the con- venience store." __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A man came home from the office and found his new bride sobbing convulsively. "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers." "Oh, just forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I've got an extra pair of pants for that suit." "Yes, I know. And it's lucky you have!" said the woman, drying her eyes. "I was able to use a piece from them to patch the hole!" ___________________________________________________ | Today, July 13 in 1099 The Crusaders launched their final assault on Muslims in Jerusalem. 1534 The Ottoman armies captured Tabriz in northwestern Persia. 1558 Led by the court of Egmont, the Spanish army defeated the French at Gravelines, France. 1585 A group of 108 English colonists, led by Sir Richard Grenville, reached Roanoke Island, NC. 1643 In England, the Roundheads, led by Sir William Waller, were defeated by royalist troops under Lord Wilmot in the Battle of Roundway Down. 1754 At the beginning of the French and Indian War, George Washington surrendered the small, circular Fort Necessity in southwestern Pennsylvania to the French. 1812 The first pawnbroking ordinance was passed in New York City. 1832 Henry Schoolcraft discovered the source of the Mississippi River in Minnesota. 1836 John Ruggles received patent #1 from the U.S. Patent Office for a traction wheel used in locomotive steam engines. All 9,957 previous patents were not numbered. 1863 Opponents of the Civil War draft began three days of rioting in New York City, which resulted in more than 1,000 casualties. 1875 David Brown patented the first cash-carrier system. 1878 The Congress of Berlin divided the Balkans among European powers. 1931 A major German financial institution, Danabank, failed. This led to the closing of all banks in Germany until August 5. 1941 Britain and the Soviet Union signed a mutual aid pact, that provided the means for Britain to send war material to the Soviet Union. 1954 In Geneva, the United States, Great Britain and France reached an accord on Indochina which divided Vietnam into two countries, North and South, along the 17th parallel. 1972 Carroll Rosenbloom (owner of the Baltimore Colts) and Robert Irsay (owner of the Los Angeles Rams) traded teams. 1978 Lee Iacocca was fired as president of Ford Motor Co. by chairman Henry Ford II. 1984 In Arkansas, Terry Wallis was injured in a car accident and was left comatose. He came out of the coma in June of 2003. 1998 "Image of an Assassination" went on sale. The video documentary is of Abraham Zapruder's home video of U.S. President Kennedy's assassination in Dallas. 2000 Sprint Corp. and WorldCom canceled their planned merger due to opposition by regulators in the United States and Europe. 2019 Do smiled. |
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