Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, October 31 home4christmas.com is for sale! Make an offer! $50 minimum. You can use it for anything you want. Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award:   Mother of N.J. girl who died in pancake-eating contest sues college  ______________________________________________________ Today, October 31 in 1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of the Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start of the Protestant Reformation in Germany. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Quoting Pelosi yesterday apparently annoyed her two fans. According to them, quoting her is fashist and racist and Trumpist. So we lost 2 subscribers. Booo Hooo! Forward the Humor Letter and hopefully the numbers start climbing again! There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have. --- Don Herold ______________________________________________________ While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide. "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard." "So what's the answer?" my friend asked him when we were out of earshot of the freshmen. The guide replied, "One." ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ My brother and his wife shared their apartment with a parakeet named "Nicky." The exterminator was scheduled to come, so my sister-in-law put Nicky in the bedroom and hung a sign on the door: "Please skip this room. Do not open door. Pet flies." The exterminator came. On his receipt he wrote this comment: "Finished all of the apartment except room with pet flies." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Coming through the door after school one day, Little Johnny hollers out: "Okay everyone in the house, please stand advised that I, Little Johnny Elvis Smith, have on this date made a complete fool of myself in sex-education class by repeating stories concerning storks as told to me by certain parties residing in this house!" ______________________________________________________   Cat taking a selfie to prove who-dun-it. _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Rosanne Nelson, Connecticut  Mother of N.J. girl who died in pancake-eating contest sues college  The mother of a Connecticut college student who choked to death on pancakes during an eating contest on campus last year has filed a wrongful death lawsuit against the university. Rosanne Nelson sued Sacred Heart University on Monday in Bridgeport state court over the death of her daughter, 20-year- old Caitlin Nelson, of Clark. The lawsuit seeks an undisclosed amount of money and accuses the school of approving the contest despite the dangers and failing to provide adequate medical personnel. Officials at the Catholic university in Fairfield declined to comment. Caitlin Nelson was a junior social work major whose father, police officer James Nelson, was killed in the Sept. 11 attacks in Manhattan. She died at a New York City hospital three days after participating in the eating contest. Police said that Nelson suffered from multiple food allergies, but it is yet unclear what caused her death, the report said.  From: Liz Re: "Outdated" email account  Dear Webby. I got an email, supposedly from "[email protected]" that claimed " We noticed that your email account has been outdated . Your email account ...." MailWasher showed the underlying real email address, which was totally different. I was momentarily tempted to tell them where to stuff it, and how, but decided that would just confirm to them, that they got through to me. Instead I am telling you, so that you can alert all subscribers. Liz  Dear Liz Yes, that is indeed the best way to handle stuff like that. Instead of making yourself a target, make them the target. It is easy enough to make a filter looking for "outdated". Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy, "Where did you get that turkey?" The boy replied, "What turkey?" The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm." The boy look down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!" The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you. If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him? The little boy said, "I guess I'll kiss his ass and let him go." 
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 >From Eva After booking my 80-year-old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. The representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision. My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her profusely. "Oh, you're welcome," she replied. I was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked, "And will your mother need a rental car?" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Use the Crockpot for Stuffing Prepare your favorite stuffing and bake it in your crockpot while the turkey occupies the oven. You can prep this the day before and refrigerate. It is so much easier, tastier and safer than stuffing it into the turkey.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
 
 
Five top destinations to see the Northern Lights. 
 ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Millie for this story: As a new grandmother, I am very protective of my daughter Meredith's baby girl. One cool afternoon I dropped by to see my grandchild. Meredith and a friend had taken little Allison for a walk in her stroller and were just coming up the street. As soon as they reached me, I bent down to admire Allison and, in my fussiest voice, remarked, "Your little head is cold. You should have a hat on." My daughter looked knowingly at her friend and said, "You owe me ten bucks." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Swine Flu ALERT! Everyone should be aware that there is a possibility of another outbreak of swine flu during the next few months. Please be conscious of the indications that you or members of your family may have contracted the Swine Flu Virus. The symptoms associated with this disease are: 1.) Sore throat. 2.) Slight headache. 3.) Moderate to high temperature. 4.) Nausea or upset stomach. 5.) Uncontrollable urge to screw in the mud.  
 Today October 31 in 1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of the Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start of the Protestant Reformation in Germany. 1914 The Ottoman Empire (Turkey) joined the Central Powers (Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Bulgaria). 1922 Benito Mussolini became prime minister of Italy. 1926 Magician Harry Houdini died of gangrene and peritonitis resulting from a ruptured appendix. His appendix had been damaged twelve days earlier when he had been punched in the stomach by a student unexpectedly. During a lecture Houdini had commented on the strength of his stomach muscles and their ability to withstand hard blows. 1940 The British air victory in the Battle of Britain prevented Germany from invading Britain. 1941 Mount Rushmore was declared complete after 14 years of work. At the time the 60-foot busts of U.S. Presidents George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln were finished. 1941 The U.S. Navy destroyer Reuben James was torpedoed by a German submarine near Iceland. The U.S. had not yet entered World War II. More than 100 men were killed. 1952 The U.S. detonated its first hydrogen bomb. 1954 The Algerian National Liberation Front (FLN) began a revolt against French rule. 1955 Britain's Princess Margaret announced she would not marry Royal Air Force Captain Peter Townsend. 1956 Rear Admiral G.J. Dufek became the first person to land an airplane at the South Pole. Dufek also became the first person to set foot on the South Pole. 1959 Lee Harvey Oswald, a former U.S. Marine from Fort Worth, TX, announced that he would never return to the U.S. At the time he was in Moscow, Russia. 1961 In the Soviet Union, the body of Joseph Stalin was removed from Lenin's Tomb where it was on public display. 1968 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered a halt to all U.S. bombing of North Vietnam. 1969 Wal-Mart Discount City stores were incorporated as Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. 1981 Antigua and Barbuda became independent of Great Britain. 1983 The U.S. Defense Department acknowledged that during the U.S. led invasion of Grenada, that a U.S. Navy plane had mistakenly bombed a civilian hospital. 1984 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was assassinated near her residence by two Sikh security guards. Her son, Rajiv, was sworn in as prime minister. 1992 In Liberia, it was announced that five American nuns had been killed near Monrovia. Rebels loyal to Charles Taylor were blamed for the murders. 1994 68 people were killed when an American Eagle ATR-72, plunged into a northern Indiana farm. 1997 Louise Woodward, British au pair, was sentenced to life in prison after being convicted of second-degree murder in the death of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen. She was released after her sentence was reduced to manslaughter. 1998 Iraq announced that it was halting all dealings with U.N. arms inspectors. The inspectors were investigating the country's weapons of mass destruction stemming from Iraq's invasion of Kuwait in 1990. 1999 EgyptAir Flight 990 crashed off the coast of Nantucket, MA, killing all 217 people aboard. 1999 Leaders from the Roman Catholic Church and the Lutheran Church signed the Joint Declaration on the Doctrine of Justification. The event ended a centuries-old doctrinal dispute over the nature of faith and salvation. 2001 Microsoft and the U.S. Justice Department reached a tentative agreement to settle the antitrust case against the software company. 2007 Google shares hit $700 for the first time. 2008 Distribution Video Audio, Inc. shipped its final shipment of VHS tapes to stores. The company was the last major United States supplier of pre-recorded VHS tapes. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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