Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, March 28 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ With Cocaine In Car, Boca Man Tries To Drive On Two Flat Tires ___________________________________________________ Today, March 28 in 2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal to buy Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit. ____________________________________________________ Turn the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. --- Frank Lloyd Wright (1869 - 1959) ____________________________________________________ Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny." Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out! ____________________________________________________ A country lad was being interviewed for a farm laborer's job. The boss said, "You must be fit. Have you had any illnesses?" "No Sir," said the lad. The boss asked, "Any accidents?" The boy said, "No Sir." The boss said to him, "But you walked in here on crutches. You must have had an accident!" The lad said, "Oh, no Sir! I was tossed by a bull, That was no accident. He's a mean cuss and I KNOW he did it on purpose!" ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess Walters will be giving a talk on marriage. There will not be any Women Worth Watching this week. Child care provided with reservations. I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirty and you gave me something to drink. The visiting monster today is Rev. Jack Bains. The Boars of Trustees will be meeting Tuesday night at 8PM The activity will take place on the church barking lot. __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Matthew Robinson Boca Raton Florida USA With Cocaine In Car, Boca Man Tries To Drive On Two Flat Tires A Boca Raton man driving recklessly in West Palm Beach allegedly fled the area southbound on Federal Highway in a Dodge Challenger that had two flat tires. The tires were so flat that sparks were seen shooting from the car. Matthew Robinson, of the 6100 block of NW 2nd in Boca Raton, was found by PBSO after a be on the lookout was issued. He was allegedly hiding in his car in Lake Worth. As police approached, they say they saw him hiding something in the car. Fearing it was a weapon, they extracted Robinson from the car, then found the suspicious item. Cocaine. During the extraction, wrote police, I noticed a clear plastic bag containing a white rock like substance Based on my training and experience I know this substance to be crack cocaine. Robinson was arrested and booked into the Palm Beach County Jail. He is now facing the charge of possession of crack cocaine. Bond was set at $1000, which Robinson posted several hours after his arrest on Wednesday. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Elvira Re: Open Office or MS Office Dear Webby My daughter has a new teacher, who is a MS Office fanatic and claims she has to learn MS Office because, according to her, industry and commerce use MS Office. She threatened to fail my daughter, if she catches her without an MS Office registration. Elvira Dear Elvira Her teacher lied. Imagine a company with 5000 or more employees. Are they going to pay a ridiculous amount to do exactly the same amount of work? Not bloody likely. Obviously the teacher got a financial incentive, and does not give a Pelosi about the kids. The work produced is exactly the same. The only difference is the incentive given to the teacher. Using the programs is similar enough that if she goes to work at one of the few places that still use MS Office, she can fake it and adapt in an hour. You may have to talk to the superintendedent or some bigshot, and find out if the bribe was to the school or to the teacher. Have FUN! DearWebby (Notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by her meaning husband.) Monday A.M. Dearest: Sleep late. Everything under control. Lunches packed. Kids off to school. Menu for dinner planned. Your lunch is on a tray in refrigerator: fruit cup, finger- sandwiches. Thermos of hot tea by bedside. See you around six. Tuesday A.M. Honey: Sorry about the egg rack in the refrigerator. Hope you got back to sleep. Did the kids tell you about the Coke I put in the Thermoses? The school might call you on this. Dinner may be a little late. I'm doing your door-to- door canvas for liver research. Your lunch is in refrigerator. Hope you like leftover chili. Wednesday A.M. Dear Doris: Why in the name of all that is sane would you put soap powder in the flour canister! If you have time, could you please come up with a likely spot for Chris's missing shoes? We've checked the clothes hamper, garage, back seat of the car and wood box. Did you know the school has a ruling on bedroom slippers? There's some cold pizza for you on a napkin in the oven drawer. Will be late tonight. Driving eight Girl Scouts to tour meatpacking house. Thursday A.M. Doris: Don't panic over water in hallway. It crested last night at 9 P.M. Will finish laundry tonight. Please pencil in answers to following: 1. How do you turn on the garbage disposal? 2. Why would that rotten kid leave his shoes in his boots? 3. How do you remove a Confederate flag inked on the palm of a small boy's hand? 4. What do you do with leftovers when they begin to snap at you when you open the door? I don't know what you're having for lunch! Surprise me! Friday A.M. Hey: Don't drink from pitcher by the sink. Am trying to restore pink dress shirt to original white. Take heart. Tonight, the ironing will be folded, the house cleaned and the dinner on time. I called your mother. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A man and his ten-year-old son were on a ski trip miles from home. At the boy's insistence, they decided to attend the Sunday worship service at a small rural church. The father forgot to bring any cash, so he reached in his pocket and gave his son a dime to drop in the offering plate as it was passed. As they walked back to their car after the service, the father complained. "The service was too long," he lamented. "The sermon was boring, and the singing was off key." Finally the boy said, "Daddy, I thought it was pretty good for a dime." ____________________________________________ A great way to lose weight is to eat naked. Restaurants will almost always throw you out before you can eat too much.. ____________________________________________ A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?" The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife and her mother." "What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter. "My former mother-in-law." replied the hunter. ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, March 28 in 1774 Britain passed the Coercive Act against Massachusetts. 1797 Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine. 1834 The U.S. Senate voted to censure President Jackson for the removal of federal deposits from the Bank of the United States. 1854 The Crimean War began with Britain and France declaring war on Russia. 1864 A group of Copperheads attack Federal soldiers in Charleston, IL. Five were killed and twenty were wounded. 1865 Outdoor advertising legislation was enacted in New York. The law banned "painting on stones, rocks and trees." 1885 The Salvation Army was officially organized in the U.S. 1898 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a child born in the U.S. to Chinese immigrants was a U.S. citizen. This meant that they could not be deported under the Chinese Exclusion Act. 1905 The U.S. took full control over Dominican revenues. 1910 The first seaplane took off from water at Martinques, France. The pilot was Henri Fabre. 1917 During World War I the Womens Army Auxiliary Corps (WAAC) was founded. 1921 U.S. President Warren Harding named William Howard Taft as chief justice of the United States Supreme Court. 1922 Bradley A. Fiske patented a microfilm reading device. 1930 Constantinople and Angora changed their names to Istanbul and Ankara respectively. 1933 In Germany, the Nazis ordered a ban on all Jews in businesses, professions and schools. 1938 In Italy, psychiatrists demonstrated the use of electric-shock therapy for treatment of certain mental illnesses. 1939 The Spanish Civil War ended as Madrid fell to Francisco Franco. 1941 The Italian fleet was defeated by the British at the Battle of Matapan. 1942 British naval forces raided the Nazi occupied French port of St. Nazaire. 1945 Germany launched the last of the V-2 rockets against England. 1947 The American Helicopter Society revealed a flying device that could be strapped to a person's body. 1968 The U.S. lost its first F-111 aircraft in Vietnam when it vanished while on a combat mission. North Vietnam claimed that they had shot it down. 1974 A streaker ran onto the set of "The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson." 1979 A major accident occurred at Pennsylvania's Three Mile Island nuclear power plant. A nuclear power reactor overheated and suffered a partial meltdown. 1981 In Bangkok, Thailand, Indonesian terrorists hijacked an airplane. Four of the five terrorists were killed on March 31. 1986 The U.S. Senate passed $100 million aid package for the Nicaraguan contras. 1986 More than 6,000 radio stations of all format varieties played "We are the World" simultaneously at 10:15 a.m. EST. 1990 In Britain, a joint Anglo-U.S. "sting" operation ended with the seizure of 40 capacitors, which can be used in the trigger mechanism of a nuclear weapon. 1991 The U.S. embassy in Moscow was severely damaged by fire. 1994 Violence between Zulus and African National Congress supporters took the lives of 18 in Johannesburg. 2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal to buy Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit. 2017 In Kimberley, Western Australia, a sauropod foot print was found that measured five feet and nine inches long. 2021 Do smiled. |
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