Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, July 2 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Thank you, Micki ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Woman charged for abandoning 3 adopted children ___________________________________________________ Today, July 2 in 1947 An object crashed near Roswell, NM. The U.S. Army Air Force insisted it was a weather balloon, but eyewitness accounts led to speculation that it might have been an alien spacecraft. ____________________________________________________ Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner ____________________________________________________ Maureen was feeling a bit ill, and not recovering from a night out anywhere near as fast as Paddy. So he sent her off to the doctor. She came back shortly with a puzzled frown and said: "Oh, Paddy, he wants a "Specimen", but fo the life o me I don't know if we have one or if we can affod t'buy one!" Paddy hemmed and hawed for a while, but couldn't figure it out either. So he finally suggested: "me lass, why don't you go upstairs and ask Maud O'Reilly, she used to work the streets in town and she'll know." So Maureen climbed up the stairs and knocked. Not a minute later, screaming and cussing and the noise of a ferocious fight echoed down the stairwell, soon followed by much banging and clatter as poor Maureen came tumbling down the stairs. As Paddy helped her up he asked her what happend. "Oh Paddy, she's so mean! All I did was ask her what a 'specimen' was, and she told me to 'piss in abottle'! So of course I told her to shit in a hat, and the fight was on." ____________________________________________________ Anouar Benyounes ____________________________________________________ Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"... Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lorraine Sue Garza, 45, Converse, Texas, USA Woman charged for abandoning 3 adopted children A woman was arrested after being accused of abandoning her three children for nearly two weeks. Lorraine Sue Garza, 45, was charged on June 18 with two counts of abandoning or endangering a child. According to the arrest report, a woman called police because she was giving three children, ages 11, 13, and 15, food and letting them shower at her home. The children told her that their mother left the house on June 3 and hasn't been back since. San Antonio police spoke with the 15-year-old girl, who told them that their mother just left and took the family's only cell phone with her, so there was no way they could contact her. The water was turned off at the house and all of the food spoiled, which forced them to ask neighbors for help. An officer inspected the home the children were living in and found spoiled food, insects all over the floor, and the temperature inside the home extremely hot. The temperature outside was 98 degrees. Trash and clothing were scattered on the floor, as well as animal feces on the carpet, according to the police report. The teenager told police that all three girls sleep in her room because that the ceiling fan in her room is the only one working. The heat was so unbearable inside the home that the teenager asked the officer if they could continue the interview outside, according to the arrest affidavit. The teenager told officers that all three girls had been adopted by Garza. The Texas Department of Family and Adult Protective Services was called and the children were removed from the home. Records from the Converse Water Department show the water to the home was turned off on May 21 for non-payment. Garza was released on a $3,000 bond. DearWebby's tech support pits from: Shannon re: Open Office vs Office Libre Dear Webby I am retiring, so I have to get either open or Libre Office. What do you recommend.? Shannon Dear Shannon Yes. There are some very minor differences, and some users have lenthy arguments about them, much like Ford and Chevy users. Either one will get the work done. Whichever one you choose, you will get good at, and soon you will be telling everybody that THAT is the better one. I can use either one and barely chuckle about the arguments. Have FUN! DearWebby Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another one." Swampy turns a little pale and leaves. Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he the father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another on the way, so call back later." At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth is on the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a double scotch. Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the recording is still going strong: "The score is ninety-six all out," says the voice, "and the last one was a duck." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ The pastor had launched into one of his "Best Ever"messages. He was about half done, at the 45-minute mark and just getting to the "good part," when a member of his congregation died. Rushing to his office, he dialed 911. When the ambulance arrived, the paramedics carried out 51 people before they finally got one who didn't wake up when they got him to fresh air. ____________________________________________ Q: What's the difference between Biology and Sociology? A: When the baby looks like the father, its Biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, its Sociology! ____________________________________________ ====From Billy-Jean The floppy drive is the drive below the beverage holder where you put those silvery beer coasters that AOL keeps sending! Even I knows that! Billy-Jean ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, July 2, in 1298 An army under Albert of Austria defeated and killed Adolf of Nassua near Worms, Germany. 1625 The Spanish army took Breda, Spain, after nearly a year of siege. 1644 Lord Cromwell crushed the Royalists at the Battle of Marston Moor near York, England. 1747 Marshall Saxe led the French forces to victory over an Anglo-Dutch force under the Duke of Cumberland at the Battle of Lauffeld. 1776 Richard Henry Lees resolution that the American colonies "are, and of right ought to be, free and independent States" was adopted by the Continental Congress. 1850 Prussia agreed to pull out of Schlewig and Holstein, Germany. 1850 Benjamin Lane patented a gas mask with a breathing apparatus. (Patent US7476 A) 1857 New York Citys first elevated railroad officially opened for business. 1858 Czar Alexander II freed the serfs working on imperial lands. 1881 Charles J. Guiteau fatally wounded U.S. President James A. Garfield in Washington, DC. 1890 The U.S. Congress passed the Sherman Antitrust Act. 1926 The U.S. Congress established the Army Air Corps. 1937 American aviatior Amelia Earhart disappeared in the Central Pacific during an attempt to fly around the world at the equator. 1939 At Mount Rushmore, Theodore Roosevelt's face was dedicated. 1944 American bombers, as part of Operation Gardening, dropped land mines, leaflets and bombs on German-occupied Budapest. 1947 An object crashed near Roswell, NM. The U.S. Army Air Force insisted it was a weather balloon, but eyewitness accounts led to speculation that it might have been an alien spacecraft. 1962 Wal-Mart Discount City opened in Rogers, Arkansas. It was the first Walmart store. 1964 U.S. President Johnson signed the "Civil Rights Act of 1964" into law. The act made it illegal in the U.S. to discriminate against others because of their race. 1967 The U.S. Marine Corps launched Operation Buffalo in response to the North Vietnamese Army's efforts to seize the Marine base at Con Thien. 1976 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the death penalty was not inherently cruel or unusual. 1976 North Vietnam and South Vietnam were reunited. 1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter reinstated draft registration for males 18 years of age. 1981 Soyuz T-6 returned to Earth. 1982 Larry Walters ("Lawnchair Larry") took flight in his homeade airship that consisted of a lawnchair with 45 helium- filled weather balloons attached to it. He stayed in flight for about an hour. 1985 General Motors announced that it was installing electronic road maps as an option in some of its higher-priced cars. 1995 "Forbes" magazine reported that Microsoft's chairman, Bill Gates, was the worth $12.9 billion, making him the world's richest man. 1998 Cable News Network (CNN) retracted a story that alleged that U.S. commandos had used nerve gas to kill American defectors during the Vietnam War. 2021 Do smiled. |
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