Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, May 25 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Chickenshit Coward murdered driver by shooting him from apartment building with ghost gun w laser sight ___________________________________________________ History 1961, America was asked by U.S. President Kennedy to work toward putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________________ Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night. --- Edgar Allan Poe (1809 - 1849) Perhaps in time the so-called dark ages will be thought of as including our own. --- georg christoph lichtenberg (1742 - 1799) the law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. --- anatole france (1844 - 1924) You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. --- Olin Miller __________________________________________________ Comes the time in a boy's life when Dad sits him down for the "big talk." One father's approach: "Son," he says, "you'll soon have urges and feelings you've never had before. Your heart will pound and your hands will sweat. You'll be preoccupied and you won't be able to think of anything else. "But don't worry," he says, "it's perfectly normal -- it's called golf." ___________________________________________________ Consider the factory-working wizard who was pushed over the edge by others taking his parking space. He posted the following sign: "This parking space belongs to the Wizard. Violators will be toad." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gaven Leon, 18, Chicago, Illinois, USA Chickenshit Coward murdered driver by shooting him from apartment building with ghost gun w laser sight An 18-year-old man used a "ghost gun" earlier this year to fatally shoot a passing driver from the window of his Irving Park apartment over concerns the other man's van "was being too loud," prosecutors said during his initial court hearing Monday. Gaven Leon, 18, is charged with first-degree murder in the Feb. 3 slaying of 30-year-old Ryan Balbag in the 4000 block of North Pulaski Road. Leon, who had no prior arrests, surrendered to Chicago police on Sunday after witnesses identified him as the shooter, according to an arrest report. Prosecutors said investigators searched Leon's phone and found videos and pictures from the crime scene that showed him "trolling the police." "This is legendary footage right here. ... Who would do such a thing?" Leon allegedly said in one video. "Thank you for coming. Appreciate it. They said somebody got to shooting. I know who did it, too. I know who was shooting, too. This s- is funny as hell. We just toying with their a- ." The disturbing monologue came after Leon perched in the window of his apartment in the 3900 block of West Irving Park Road around 11:30 p.m. and fired at the van with the help of a laser sight, prosecutors said. After his rifle jammed, he re-loaded and fired again as a witness inside the apartment watched. Balbag was struck in the head and later pronounced dead at Illinois Masonic, according to prosecutors and police. No shell casings were found at the scene, but the evidence against him is considerable. Prosecutors said the witness from inside the apartment identified Leon as the shooter, while another witness at a gas station reported the shots came from his building. A police POD camera also showed Leon's window opening before the shooting and closing after. In addition, Leon allegedly showed another person the gun after the attack and admitted that he "shot someone because their car was being too loud." Detectives also searched his Facebook account and found pictures that showed him holding a rifle similar to the "ghost gun," prosecutors said. Gunshot residue was eventually found on both his clothing and the windowsill, prosecutors said. ___________________________________________________ Think of the fellow who wanted to be dismissed from jury duty. He tried every excuse to no avail. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. "Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man over there with those beady eyes and that twisted smile and I said to myself, 'He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty.' So your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury." "Get back in the jury box," the judge thundered. "That's the prosecutor." ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ Calling his physician for results of a physical examination, a man was disheartened to heard there was some bad news -- and some truly bad news. "Give me the bad news first," he told the doctor. "Well, we got your test results back and -- unfortunately - - you have only 24 hours to live." "That's terrible -- what could be worse?" "We tried to call you two days ago." ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A 16-year-old girl buys herself a very skimpy bikini. Modeling it for her mother, she asks: "So, Mom, what do you think?" Her mother replies, "I think that if I had worn that when I was your age, you'd be five years older!" ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Online grocery shopping Dear Webby, My favorite grocery store offers online shopping and delivery. With the Corona virus out there, that becomes more and more interesting. The kids picking and delivering the groceries seem to be quite safe. How safe is my credit card? Sharon Dear Sharon Your credit card is as safe as when you use it in the store. You can print out your order, and if there is a difference between that and what shows on your credit card statement, you can raise a fuss. However, I have never heard of any problem with online grocery shopping. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in June," he said. "She left me $10,000 to remember her by and help with my greif." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died. He was generous though, leaving me $50,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." "And last month my aunt died. She left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad...." "Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED CITIZEN. 2. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE. 3. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. 4. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is A PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. 5. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED. 6. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. 7. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED. 8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED. 9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE. 10. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED. 11. She does not have PREMIER LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR. 12. She is not a TWO-BIT SLAPPER - She is a LOW COST SERVICE PROVIDER. HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY. 2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN. 3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS. 4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION. 5. He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS. 6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL. 7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION. 8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY. 9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED. ______________________________________________ A minister, having served the same church for many years, decides to leave and take a similar position in another church. Without telling anyone about his decision or writing a letter to the congregation, he waits until Sunday morning to announce his resignation in church. When he speaks to the congregation he says, "The same Jesus that called me to this church many years ago has now called upon me to leave and serve another church." As he sits down, the choir stands and begins to sing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Consider the poor fellow who showed up at work one morning sleepless and haggard. "What happened to you?" the fellow at the next desk asked. "I was up nearly all night," the man said. "My wife and I had a terrible argument. She became historical." "You mean hysterical," the co-worker replied. "No. Historical," the man said. "She went over absolutely everything I've done wrong over the last 25 years." ___________________________________________________ | Today, May 25, in 585 BC, The first known prediction of a solar eclipse was made in Greece. 1085, Alfonso VI took Toledo, Spain from the Moslems. 1787, The Constitutional convention opened in Philadelphia with George Washington presiding. 1810, Argentina declared independence from Napoleonic Spain. 1844, The gasoline engine was patented by Stuart Perry. 1844, The first telegraphed news dispatch, sent from Washington, DC, to Baltimore, MD, appeared in the Baltimore "Patriot." 1895, Oscar Wilde, a playwright, poet and novelist, was convicted of a morals charge and sentenced to prison in London. 1895, James P. Lee first published "Gold in America,- A Practical Manual." 1911, President of Mexico, Porfolio Diaz, resigned his office. 1925, John Scopes was indicted for teaching the Darwinian theory in school. 1927, Ford Motor Company announced that the Model A would replace the Model T. 1927, The "Movietone News" was shown for the first time at the Sam Harris Theatre in New York City. 1935, Babe Ruth hit his final homerun, his 714th, and set a record that would stand for 39 years. 1935, Jesse Owens tied the world record for the 100-yard dash. He ran it in 9.4 seconds. He also broke three other world track records. 1946, Jordan gained independence from Britain. 1953, In Nevada, the first atomic cannon was fired. 1961, America was asked by U.S. President Kennedy to work toward putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade. 1963, The Organization of African Unity was founded, in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. 1968, The Gateway Arch, part of the Jefferson National Expansion Memorial in St. Louis, MO, was dedicated. 1970, Boeing Computer Services was founded. 1977, "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope" opened and became the largest grossing film to date. 1977, An opinion piece by Vietnam verteran Jan Scruggs appeared in "The Washington Post." The article called for a national memorial to "remind an ungrateful nation of what it has done to its sons" that had served in the Vietnam War. 1979, An American Airlines DC-10 crashed during takeoff at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport. 275 people were killed. 1981, Daredevil Daniel Goodwin scaled Chicago's Sears Tower, while wearing a "Spiderman" costume, in 7 1/2 hours. 1983, "The Return of the Jedi" opened nationwide. It set a new record in opening day box office sales. The gross was $6,219,629. 1985, Bangladesh was hit with a hurricane and tidal wave that killed more than 11,000 people. 1986, Approximately 7 million Americans participated in "Hands Across America." 1989, The Calgary Flames won their first NHL Stanley Cup by defeating the Montreal Canadiens. 1992, Jay Leno debuted as the new permanent host of NBC's "Tonight Show." 1996, In Nimes, France, Christina Sanchez became the first woman to achieve the rank of matadore in Europe. 1997, In Sierra Leone a military coup overthrew the popularly elected President Ahmad Tejan Kabbah. He was replaced with Major Johnny Paul Koromah. 1997, U.S. Senator Strom Thurmond became the longest- serving senator in U.S. history (41 years and 10 months). 1997, Poland adopted a constitution that removed all traces of communism. 1999, A report by the U.S. House of Representatives Select Committee on U.S. National Security and Military/Commercial Concerns with the People's Republic of China concluded that China had "stolen design information on the U.S. most- advanced thermonuclear weapons" and that China's penetration of U.S. weapons laboratories "spans at least the past several decades and almost certainly continues today." 2000, The Walt Disney Co. and Time Warner Inc. signed a long-term deal that ended a dispute over the airing policies of Time Warner. Time Warner had blacked out Disney programs for a 39 hour period the previous month due to the lack of an agreement. 2001, Erik Weihenmayer, 32, of Golden, CO, became the first blind climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 2001, Sherman Bull, 64, of New Canaan, CT, became the oldest climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 2006, In Houston, former Enron Corp. chiefs Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey Skillinng were convicted of conspiracy and fraud for the downfall of Enron. 2008, NASA's Phoenix Mars Lander landed in the arctic plains of Mars. 2009, North Korea announced that it had conducted a second successful nuclear test in the province of North Hamgyong. The United Nations Security Council condemned the reported test. 2022 Do smiled. |
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