Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, May 31 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Woman threatened to attend graduation with fake bomb ___________________________________________________ History on this day, May 31, in 1977, The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 3 years of construction. ___________________________________________________ If living conditions don't stop improving in this country, we're going to run out of humble beginnings for our great men. --- Russell P. Askue Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places. --- E. Joseph Cossman ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________________ As we were moving into our dorm last fall, young women wandered from room to room to see what the other students had brought to school. One student's room contained a TV, VCR, stereo system, microwave, and a number of other high- tech gadgets. She even had a Nintendo 64. A fellow dorm resident couldn't resist asking, "Do you play Nintendo 64?" The girl responded, "No, but guys do!" ___________________________________________________ A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go...?" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tracy Marie Adeline Carter, 39, Cape Coral, Florida, USA Woman threatened to attend graduation with fake bomb A woman who stated that her child would not be able to graduate reportedly made statements that she would attend the ceremony with a fake bomb to show faculty how upset she was. According to Cape Coral police, 39-year-old Tracy Marie Adeline Carter was causing a disturbance at the city's Chamber of Commerce on May 20. graduation with 'cardboard' bomb Police: Woman threatened to attend graduation with 'cardboard' bomb. CAPE CORAL, Fla. A woman who stated that her child would not be able to graduate reportedly made statements that she would attend the ceremony with a fake bomb to show faculty how upset she was. According to Cape Coral police, 39-year-old Tracy Marie Adeline Carter was causing a disturbance at the city's Chamber of Commerce on May 20. Before leaving the Chamber, Carter reportedly told staff that she was upset her child was unable to graduate due to disciplinary issues at school. She then allegedly told a staff member that she would attend the graduation ceremony with a fake bomb strapped to her chest. The incident report states Carter said she would feel bad for the children she would scare, but "she really needed to be heard." Police made contact with Carter via phone. Investigators said she confirmed what she said, adding she had had thoughts about doing it, but that it would only be a "cardboard" bomb. When police arrived at her home later, Carter said she wanted to mimic the movie "John Q" to make a statement. She told officers she would have drawn the bomb because she doesn't have the materials to make one. A search of her home found no bomb-making materials. She was arrested and charged with planting of a "hoax bomb." She was taken to the Lee County Jail. Bond was set at $10,000. ___________________________________________________ After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office. "Mr. James, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck." "Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. James replied. "I hung him up to dry." ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; his hobby was golf. The other night, as they slept, the golfer yelled, "Fore!" His wife yelled back, "Four and a quarter !" ____________________________________________________ YellowBreasted Chat, Alberta ___________________________________________________ A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept talking about chickens being great creatures, and as such they had the right to go where they wanted. The man was having no luck keeping the chickens out of his flowerbeds, and he had tried everything. His flowerbeds were in a really bad condition. Two weeks later, on a visit a friend noticed his flowerbeds were doing great. The flowers were beginning to bloom! So the friend asked him how he managed to keep the birds away... "How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard??" He replied, "Well, one night I hid a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed, and the next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. I wasn't bothered after that." ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Kira Re: Online conference Dear Webby, Which program do you recommend for online conferencing? I don't need a huge conference with lots of people, Just one at a time, but reasonably secure. Thanks Kira Dear Kira Skype still works. It used to be much better, but then Microsoft bought it for $8.5 Billion bucks to make sure Google would not get it. Then, of course, they trashed it down. It is no longer useful for group chat, but still works OK one on one, most of the time. You can still send pictures, spreadsheets, documents and even video, while you are talking. What improved since the 90's is screen size. You can now stretch your video to full monitor size. Picture quality is not good, but when you video chat with your son or grand kids, you already know what they look like, and just like with TV, your eyes fill in the missing dots. Google and FaceBook also have video chat nowadays, but they are not widely used. With employees or relatives you can easily tell them which program to use. ZOOM is a relative newcomwer with amazing video. You can even share spreadsheets and not tell whose spreadsheet you are using. It has already pulled way ahead of Skipe and will become the long term winner. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Maxine's Top Ten Tips to Entertaining 1. When one hosts a dinner party, it is essential that all the place mats match, or, at the very least, that they all come from the same fast-food restaurant. 2. Entertaining in your backyard? The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who's muscular and shirtless. 3. My favorite party game is "Pin the Cleanup on the Guests." 4. Nothing in the world is quite so entertaining as pouring old milk into new containers before having guests over. 5. A good host must always be a STICKLER for attractive food presentation! I always take the foil COMPLETELY OFF the TV dinner before serving. 6. Getting your home in tiptop shape for a party can be fun if you think of it as kicking dust bunny tail! 7. Take short cuts! I used to offer my guests instant coffee. They kept whining for hot water to go with it. 8. The best way to prepare a roast is to make an aluminum foil tent over your roasting pan. Similarly, the best way to prepare for relatives is to pitch a tent in the backyard and stay there until they leave. 9. When decorating for a party, be creative with regular household items. Some people might just see a moldy shower curtain with torn eyelets. What do I see? A new tablecloth. 10. The better you cook, the more likely your guests will return. Which is why I'm not usually too hot in the kitchen. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
Please donate a dollar,
or two, if you can afford it!
Please, help me stay online!
|
_____________________________________________ A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my hoss!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. Then he addressed no one in particular and he walked back to the bar and yelled, "ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA SIT DOWN AND HAVE ANOTHER BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! . . . AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled-up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go . . . what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home." ______________________________________________ The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole 8-feet deep. After the job was completed the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered. The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem. The boss snorted. "Honestly! The kind of help you get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him a look up and down and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child." The underclassman said, "Sorry, I didn't realize you were pregnant. It barely shows. Do you have any idea who the father might be?" ___________________________________________________ | Today, May 31, in 1433, Sigismund was crowned emperor of Rome. 1854, The Kansas-Nebraska Act passed by the U.S. Congress. 1859, In London, Big Ben went into operation. 1870, E.J. DeSemdt patented asphalt. 1879, New York's Madison Square Garden opened. 1880, The first U.S. national bicycle society was formed in Newport, RI. It was known as the League of American Wheelman. 1884, Dr. John Harvey Kellogg patented "flaked cereal." 1889, In Johnstown, PA, more than 2,200 people died after the South Fork Dam collapsed. 1900, U.S. troops arrived in Peking to help put down the Boxer Rebellion. 1902, The Boer War ended between the Boers of South Africa and Great Britain with the Treaty of Vereeniging. 1907, The first taxis arrived in New York City. They were the first in the United States. 1909, The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) held its first conference. 1910, The Union of South Africa was founded. 1913, The 17th Amendment went into effect. It provided for popular election of U.S. senators. 1915, A German zeppelin made an air raid on London. 1927, Ford Motor Company produced the last "Tin Lizzie" in order to begin production of the Model A. 1929, In Beverly, MA, the first U.S. born reindeer were born. 1941, The first issue of "Parade: The Weekly Picture Newspaper" went on sale. 1943, "Archie" was aired on the Mutual Broadcasting System for the first time. 1947, Communists seized control of Hungary. 1955, The U.S. Supreme Court ordered that all states must end racial segregation "with all deliberate speed." 1961, South Africa became an independent republic. 1962, Adolf Eichmann was hanged in Israel. Eichmann was a Gestapo official and was executed for his actions in the Nazi Holocaust. 1970, An earthquake in Peru killed tens of thousands of people. 1974, Israel and Syria signed an agreement on the Golan Heights. 1977, The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 3 years of construction. 1979, Zimbabwe proclaimed its independence. 1994, The U.S. announced it was no longer aiming long-range nuclear missiles at targets in the former Soviet Union. 1995, Bob Dole singled out Time Warner for "the marketing of evil" in movies and music. Dole later admitted that he had not seen or heard much of what he had been criticizing. 2003, In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph was captured. He had been on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list for five years for several bombings including the 1996 Olympic bombing. 2022 Do smiled. |
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Go to TOP
Well, Do , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name,
or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me.
I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly
from then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't
have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to [email protected]
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription.
If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html
You can also UNsubscribe there.
If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,
please unsubscribe by clicking the link below:
You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address:
[email protected]
UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter | . |
