Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, February 23 Thank you, Norm!! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Arizona bonehead arrested for faking own kidnapping to evade work ___________________________________________________ Today, February 23 in 1993 Gary Coleman won a $1,280,000 lawsuit against his parents. ____________________________________________________ Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. --- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865) Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other. --- Honore de Balzac (1799 - 1850) ____________________________________________________ A young woman was suffering badly from hay fever. She was going to a fancy dinner party that night and figured she would need at least two handkerchiefs to get her through the evening. She didn't have any pockets, so she stuffed them both in her bra. Halfway through the night, she had already used up one handkerchief and was rummaging around in her bra for the other one. She was having trouble finding it, and soon she noticed that everyone at the table was looking at her. "What on earth are you doing?" asked one of her colleagues. She replied, "I could have sworn I had two when I arrived!" ____________________________________________________ >From Eddie My wife clipped a job listing out of the paper for me She said it wasn't much to start out . . . but a huge pay raise. It read: Salary: 23k to start. 401k after 1 yr. ____________________________________________________ Hi There! ___________________________________________________ A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit." __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brandon Soules, 19, Coolidge, Arizona, USA Arizona bonehead arrested for faking own kidnapping to evade work Coolidge police arrested a man who claimed he had been kidnapped near 1st Street and Northern Avenue in Coolidge to get out of work. The Casa Grande Dispatch reported at around 5:25 p.m. on Feb.10 that police say they found 19-year-old Brandon Soules near a water tower with his hands bound behind his back and a bandana stuffed in his mouth. Soules told police he was kidnapped by two masked men. He says the men knocked him unconscious and drove him around in a vehicle before leaving him by the water tower he was found at. Coolidge detectives conducted an investigation that found no evidence that a kidnapping or assault had occurred. Officers say when they looked at surveillance video to corroborate his story of him being hit over the head and stuffed in his car in front of his home, they saw no signs of any of his story being true. He also alleged the kidnapping occurred because of a large amount of money his father had hidden around town, which was also fabricated. He was arrested on Feb. 17 for false reporting to police. Officers say Soules admitted that he made up the story as an excuse to get out of work during an interview. He was arrested on Feb. 17 for false reporting to police. Officers say Soules admitted that he made up the story as an excuse to get out of work during an interview. Coolidge police say Soules was fired from his job at The Tire Factory. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Re: Old Log Nothing exciting today on tech Support, so I am printing part of the log from the Tech Support Pits of today twentyfive years ago: CINDY How come I get your Humor Letter a whole bunch of times every day ? DearWebby: How many different addresses do you have? CINDY Oh, I got lots! DearWebby: Well, Ma'am, when somebody likes you, they might give you a gift subscription to the Humor Letter, and naturally they would give it to you at the address they normally use to write to you. You can do the same. CINDY That is tooo COOL! You mean, the more gift subscriptions I get, the more friends I have ? DearWebby: Yes, and it also reminds you of how many addresses you have. CINDY That is tooo COOL! I love this stuff! DearWebby: If you like somebody, you can give them a gift subscription. It's free. CINDY How do I do that ? DearWebby: There is a link for that at the bottom of the Humor Letter. CINDY That is tooo COOL! I can get even more friends that way! They will probably get me a new gift subscription too if I use a different address for each of them. That is tooo COOL! .....But, ....do I have to read each of them when I get so many? DearWebby: No, not really. Just read those from your best friends and imagine they are reading it to you. CINDY That is tooo COOL! You are cool! Thanks! Dear Do Have FUN! DearWebby The night before Bills bypass surgery, the doctor wanted him to take a shower; which was fine with him, after three days of using a basin and washcloth. As he walked down the hall, he had a Nurse on either side. The one asked, "Are you going to be able to manage OK?" Bill said, "I feel weak and dizzy. Perhaps both of you would be kind enough to get in the shower with me." The little blonde Nurse looked up and said, "Nice try." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations." He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..." The crowd become mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. "Shit" said the hypnotist. It took three weeks to clean up the theatre. ____________________________________________ Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's response times. "Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged the first one, "we cut our emergency response time by ten percent." The other paramedics nodded in approval. "Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we've cut our average ERT by 20 percent." Again, the other team members gave their congratulations, until the third paramedic said, "That's nothing! Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency response time in half!" ____________________________________________ A local radio announcer commenting on hazardous driving conditions: "Please don't do any unnecessary driving unless it's absolutely necessary." (Reader's Digest) ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today February 23 in 1574 France began the 5th holy war against the Huguenots. 1660 Charles XI became the king of Sweden. 1792 The Humane Society of Massachusetts was incorporated. 1813 The first U.S. raw cotton-to-cloth mill was founded in Waltham, MA. 1836 In San Antonio, TX, the siege of the Alamo began. 1839 In Boston, MA, William F. Harnden organized the first express service between Boston and New York City. It was the first express service in the U.S. 1847 Santa Anna was defeated at the Battle of Buena Vista in Mexico by U.S. troops under Gen. Zachary. 1861 U.S. President-elect Abraham Lincoln arrived secretly in Washington to take his office after an assassination attempt in Baltimore. 1870 The state of Mississippi was readmitted to the Union. 1874 Walter Winfield patented a game called "sphairistike." More widely known as lawn tennis. 1875 J. Palisa discovered asteroid #143 (aka Adria). 1886 Charles M. Hall completed his invention of aluminum. 1887 The French/Italian Riviera was hit by an earthquake that killed about 2,000. 1896 The Tootsie Roll was introduced by Leo Hirshfield. 1898 In France, Emile Zola was imprisoned for his letter, "J'accuse," which accused the government of anti-Semitism and wrongly jailing Alfred Dreyfus. 1900 The Battle of Hart's Hill took place in South Africa between the Boers and the British army. 1904 The U.S. acquired control of the Panama Canal Zone for $10 million. 1910 In Philadelphia, PA, the first radio contest was held. 1915 Nevada began enforcing convenient divorce law. 1916 The U.S. Congress authorizes the McKinley Memorial $1 gold coin. 1919 The Fascist Party was formed in Italy by Benito Mussolini. 1927 The Federal Radio Commission began assigning frequencies, hours of operation and power allocations for radio broadcasters. On July 1, 1934 the name was changed to the Federal Communications Commission (FCC). 1932 Robert Short became the first American to die in an arial battle with the Japanese. 1940 Russian troops conquered Lasi Island. 1940 Walt Disney's animated movie "Pinocchio" was released. 1945 The 28th Regiment of the Fifth Marine Division of the U.S. Marines reached the top of Mount Surabachi. A photograph of these Marines raising the American flag was taken. 1954 The first mass vaccination of children against polio began in Pittsburgh, PA. 1958 Juan Fangio, 5-time world diving champion, was kidnapped by Cuban rebels. 1966 The Bitar government in Syria was ended with a military coup. 1970 Guyana became a republic. 1974 The Symbionese Liberation Army demanded $4 million more for the release of Patty Hearst. Hearst had been kidnapped on February 4th. 1980 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini declared that Iran's new parliament would have to decide the fate of the hostages taken on November 4, 1979, at the U.S. embassy in Tehran. 1991 During the Persian Gulf War, ground forces crossed the border of Saudi Arabia into the country of Iraq. Less than four days later the war was over due to the surrender or withdraw of Iraqi forces. 1993 Gary Coleman won a $1,280,000 lawsuit against his parents. 1997 NBC-TV aired "Schindler's List." It was completely uncensored. 1997 Ali Hassan Abu Kamal, a Palestinian teacher, opened fire on the 86th-floor observation deck of New York City's Empire State Building. He killed one person and wounded six more before killing himself. 1998 In central Florida, tornadoes killed 42 people and damaged and/or destroyed about 2,600 homes and businesses. 1999 In Ankara, Turkey, Abdullah Ocalan was charged with treason. The prosecutors were seeking the death penalty for the Kurdish rebel leader. 1999 White supremacist John William King was found guilty of kidnapping and murdering James Byrd Jr. Byrd was dragged behind a truck for two miles on a country road in Texas. 2000 Robby Knievel made a successful motorcycle jump of 200 feet over an oncoming train. 2005 The New York, NY, city medical examiner's office annouced that it had exhausted all efforts to identify the remains of the people killed at the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001, due to the limits of DNA technology. About 1,600 people had been identified leaving more than 1,100 unidentified. 2021 Do smiled. |
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