Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, May 2 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award 14-year-old boy held on $1M bond in murder, sex assault of 10-year-old girl __________________________________________________ On May 2 in 1902, "A Trip to the Moon," the first science fiction film was released. It was created by magician George Melies. _____________________________________________________ If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane. --- Jimmy Buffett Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250 --- Harper's Index, October 1989 ____________________________________________________ When I was 28, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and staff were allowed to dress down. One of those days I donned a sweatshirt and slacks. A student came in, and his eyes widened. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "You should wear clothes like that every day. You look twenty, maybe even thirty years younger. ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ "Louisa, could you help me with my math homework?" asked her younger brother. Certainly not," replied Louisa indignantly. "It wouldn't be right." "Probably not," said her brother, "but you could at least try and show me how you faked it !" ____________________________________________________ Sherrie Brooks A few Big Horned Sheep taking it easy this afternoon. Southern Alberta, May 2022 ___________________________________________________ My friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Ann made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair. "As an environmentalist," she declared, "I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils." The waiter inspected her chopsticks. "Velly bootiful," he said politely. "Ivoly from sca-ace, endange-ad animahs, instead of fahm gwown choptick wood. In old time ony litch sumbitch bigshot use ivoly choptick to make shua wood was not poisoned." ____________________________________________________ This guy was walking along the beach when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when "poof" a genie appeared. This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes. "I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates, " says the guy. "Guy," the genie said, "You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish." "Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile." "That's easy, Guy," says the genie. He waves his hand and best car anybody had ever seen pops out of the lamp. The genie then asks the guy for his third wish. The guy mulls the problem over and over. A girl-- nah, with billions and billions of dollars he certainly had become a chick magnet. World peace? Only wackos want that. The guy found a reason not to wish for anything that came to his mind. "Genie," the guy said, "I can't think of anything now. May I save the third wish for later." "Gee, this is most unusual. But you hold the hammer, I can't escape from this lamp until you make a third wish. Call me when you're ready," and whoosh the genie disappears into the lamp. The guy carefully picks up the now-ever-so- valuable lamp and places it in the trunk of the fire engine red Porsche. He turns the radio on to balance the sounds and makes all the other adjustments needed to get his great audio system customized to his ears. After that, he pulled off the beach and headed south along the Pacific Coast Highway. Soon he was up to 60, then 70, then 80. The Porsche handled perfectly. The guy was so happy that he began to sing along with the familiar commercial on the radio. "Oh, I wish I was an Oscar-Mayer Wiener..." ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin, USA 14-year-old boy held on $1M bond in murder, sex assault of 10-year-old girl A 14-year-old male suspect has been identified in the death of 10-year-old Iliana (Lily) Peters in Chippewa County, Wis., prosecutors said Wednesday. Though the name of the Grade 8 boy has not been released, CBS Minnesota reported the 14-year-old was arrested and is being held on US$1-million bond after he allegedly admitted to killing and raping the 10-year-old girl. Peters was reported missing by her father on Sunday after she did not return home from her aunts house. On Monday, the 10-year-olds body was found in the woods near both residences. My name is Matthew Kelm and I am the Chief of Police for the Chippewa Falls Police Department. This is an update on the Missing Persons case that was first reported last night. At about 9:00 pm last night, the Chippewa Falls Police Department received information that Iliana (Lily) M. Peters, age 10, was missing from the City of Chippewa Falls. Lilys father reported. Prosecutors say the suspect knew the victim personally. They did not expand on the relationship between the two children. The boy is facing three charges: first-degree intentional homicide, first-degree sexual assault and first-degree sexual assault of a child under age 13, resulting in great bodily harm. Two of the charges carry a potential sentence of life in prison. Under Wisconsin law, the 14-year-old will automatically be tried as an adult in court, though it is unclear if the case will remain this way. Chippewa County District Attorney Wade Newell said the boy told authorities his intention was to rape and kill the victim from the get-go. CBS Minnesota reported the suspect allegedly admitted to following the victim home before punching the girl, hitting her with a stick, strangling her and sexually assaulting her. The suspect was arrested Tuesday and declared a serious threat to the community by the judge, who ordered a $1- million bond. The 14-year-old boy, known in legal records only as C.P- B., appeared in court via video on Wednesday. A secondary hearing is scheduled for May 5 ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Louise Re: Old picture contests Dear Webby All the modern photo contests seem to be all the same. Have you got some old ones? Thanks Louise Dear Louise Yes, sure. Here is an old Sony World Photography Awards ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ >From Linda No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet. The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double- checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up over the seat with much elan and style, accidentally kicked her right in the chin. ______________________________________________ Jose and Carlos are panhandlers... They panhandle on different areas of town. Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day. Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend. Carlos says to Jose "I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?". Jose says,... "Look at your sign, what does it say"? Carlos sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'." Jose says "No wonder you only get 2-3 dollars". Carlos says... "So what does your sign say"? Jose shows Carlos his sign...it reads, "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico". ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
>From Bill After playing 18 holes of golf, our foursome was sitting around the clubhouse settling our bets when another golfer stormed in. Fuming after a lousy round, he slammed down his scorecard and announced, "If I wasn't married, I'd give up this stupid game!" ___________________________________________________ | Today, May 2, in 1670, The Hudson Bay Company was founded by England's King Charles II. 1776, France and Spain agreed to donate arms to American rebels fighting the British. 1797, A mutiny in the British navy spread from Spithead to the rest of the fleet. 1798, The black General Toussaint Louverture forced British troops to agree to evacuate the port of Santo Domingo. 1808, The citizens of Madrid rose up against Napoleon. 1813, Napoleon defeated a Russian and Prussian army at Grossgorschen. 1853, Franconis Hippodrome opened at Broadway and 23rd Street in New York City. 1863, Confederate Gen. Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson was wounded by his own men in the battle of Chancellorsville, VA. He died 8 days later. 1865, U.S. President Andrew Johnson offered $100,000 reward for the capture of Confederate President Jefferson Davis. 1885, The Congo Free State was established by King Leopold II of Belgium. 1885, The magazine "Good Housekeeping" was first published. 1887, Hannibal W. Goodwin applied for a patent on celluloid photographic film. This is the film from which movies are shown. 1890, The Oklahoma Territory was organized. 1902, "A Trip to the Moon," the first science fiction film was released. It was created by magician George Melies. 1926, In India, Hindu women gained the right to seek elected office. 1926, U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to put down a revolt and to protect U.S. interests. They did not depart until 1933. 1932, Jack Benny's first radio show debuted on NBC Radio. 1933, Hitler banned trade unions in Germany. 1941, Hostilities broke out between British forces in Iraq and that countrys pro-German faction. 1941, The Federal Communications Commission agreed to let regular scheduling of TV broadcasts by commercial TV stations begin on July 1, 1941. This was the start of network television. 1945, Russians took Berlin after 12 days of fierce house- to-house fighting. The Allies announced the surrender of Nazi troops in Italy and parts of Austria. 1946, Prisoners revolted at California's Alcatraz prison. 1960, Caryl Chessman was executed. He was a convicted sex offender and had become a best selling author while on death row. 1965, The "Early Bird" satellite was used to transmit television pictures across the Atlantic. 1969, The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) made its maiden voyage. 1970, Student anti-war protesters at Ohio's Kent State University burn down the campus ROTC building. The National Guard took control of the campus. 1974, Former U.S. Vice President Spiro T. Agnew was disbarred by the Maryland Court of Appeals. 1974, The filming of "Jaws" began in Martha's Vineyard, MA. 1982, The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's only cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland Islands War. More than 350 people died. 1993, Authorities said that they had recovered the remains of David Koresh from the Branch Davidian compound near Waco, TX. 1994, Nelson Mandela claimed victory after South Africa's first democratic elections. 1999, In Panama, Mireya Moscoso de Grubar, of the Armulfista Party, was elected president. 2022 Do smiled. |
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