Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, December 28 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Ohio wannabe store robber caught with VERY fake gun Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, December 28 in 1869 William E. Semple, of Mt. Vernon, OH, patented an acceptable chewing gum. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. --- Carl Jung ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch. When they reach their deer blinds, the guy says, "If you shoot a deer, be sure not to let somebody else say he's the one who shot it. Otherwise, he'll take the deer from you. The deer belongs to whoever shoots it." The guy goes to his own blind. Ten minutes later, he hears his wife shooting from her blind nearby. He rushes over and finds her pointing her rifle at a cowboy who's hollering, "Awright, lady, awright - you can have your freaking deer! Just lemme get my saddle off it....!" ____________________________________________________ A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy." His friend replies, "How's that?" "It's like this -- my hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a depression." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Bank is closed today ____________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action. The man then proceeded to look directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jeffrey Derringer, 48, Akron, Ohio Ohio wannabe store robber caught with VERY fake gun Employees and customers of a convenience store in Akron fought back during an attempted robbery. It happened at about 2 p.m. Monday at the Circle K on North Main Street. Akron police said the suspect, who is a known customer, entered the building and waved what appeared to be a rifle above his head. The man, identified as Jeffrey Derringer, told everyone to get on the floor, police said. He wanted the cash register open. One employee ran and called police. That's when a second employee realized the gun was fake, ran around the counter and confronted Derringer, with the help of three customers. Derringer ran from the store, but was caught by workers and witnesses. He was detained until police arrived. The 48-year-old Akron man was charged with aggravated robbery and taken to the Summit County Jail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ted Re: OE Address book pilfered Dear Webby, Somehow someone got into my address book and is sending virus laden messages with my e-mail address as the sender to another person in my address book. My Virus checker (McAfee) says I have no known viruses Is it spyware that does that? How do I prevent it in the future? Thanks, Ted Dear Ted That is one of the reasons some of us don't like Outlook or Outlook Depressed. Probably some spyware harvested your Outlook Depressed address book and passed the information on. About all you can do now is change your address, so that at least you won't get the bounce-backs. For the future I would highly recommend upgrading to a another mail program, and to run Spybot-Search&Destroy now and then. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. "Make me one with everything," the Buddhist monk said to the hot-dog vendor who was hawking food near the temple. The vendor made a frank with mustard, ketchup, relish, and onions. The monk took it and handed over a twenty-dollar bill. The vendor stashed the cash in his apron and turned his attention to the next customer. "But where's my change?" the monk inquired. "Change must come from within, my friend," said the vendor. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Thanks to Dave for this story: One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice." "Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Bedding, Clothing and Soft Toys This is a great idea to store all your bedding, out of season clothes, material and stuffed animals. Simply use heavy duty garbage bags and fill them as full as you can but still able to gather the top together. Put your vacuum attachment into the opening close the top around it. Hold it tightly turn on your vacuum and watch it shrink to about 1/4 of the size. By Brenda Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font> Now you cann get clear, heavy dyty grbage bags. Then you can see at a glance what the contents are. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ The computer swallowed grandma Yes, honestly it's true. She pressed 'control' and 'enter' And disappeared from view. It devoured her completely, The thought just makes me squirm. She must have caught a virus Or been eaten by a worm. I've searched through the recycle bin And files of every kind; I've even used the Internet, But nothing did I find. In desperation, I asked Jeeves My searches to refine. The reply from him was negative, Not a thing was found 'online.' So, if inside your 'Inbox,' My Grandma you should see, Please 'Copy,''Scan' and 'Paste' her And send her back to me! This is a tribute to all the Grandmas who have been fearless and learned to use the computer... They are the greatest!!! -------------- And some GreatGrammas too! | | The fainting goats of Tennessee. |
Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why. A couple in Morro Bay, California, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent chilly spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. (?) It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream. The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor. His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out. About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical! Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital. The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa. The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her. The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed 11 stitches. The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat. By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake. The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car. Meanwhile, the burning drapes, were seen by the neighbors who called the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out). Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world. A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants! for the night. That's when he left her and moved to Alaska, where they dont have any snakes ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, December 28, in 1065 Westminster Abbey was consecrated under Edward the Confessor. 1694 Queen Mary II of England died after five years of joint rule with her husband, King William III. 1732 "The Pennsylvania Gazette," owned by Benjamin Franklin, ran an ad for the first issue of "Poor Richard's Almanack." 1836 Mexico's independence was recognized by Spain. 1869 William E. Semple, of Mt. Vernon, OH, patented an acceptable chewing gum. 1877 John Stevens applied for a patent for his flour- rolling mill, which boosted production by 70%. 1879 In Dundee, Scotland the central portion of the Tay Bridge collapsed as a train was passing over it. 75 people were killed. 1895 In Paris, the first commercial public screening of cinematographic films took place. 1897 "Cyrano de Bergerac," the play by Edmond Rostand, premiered in Paris, France. 1908 An earthquake killed over 75,000 at Messina in Sicily. 1912 The first municipally-owned street cars were used on the streets of San Francisco, CA. 1917 The New York Evening Mail published a facetious essay by H.L. Mencken on the history of bathtubs in America. 1926 The highest recorded cricket innings score of 1,107 runs was hit by Victoria, against New South Wales, in Melbourne. 1937 The Irish Free State became the Republic of Ireland when a new constitution established the country as a sovereign state under the name of Eire. 1942 R.O. Sullivan crossed the Atlantic Ocean for the 100th time. 1945 The U.S. Congress officially recognized the "Pledge of Allegiance." 1964 Initial filming of the movie "Dr. Zhivago" began on location near Madrid, Spain. The movies total running time is 197 minutes. 1973 The Chamber of Commerce of Akron, OH, terminated its association with the All-American Soap Box Derby. It was stated that the race had become "a victim of cheating and fraud." 1973 Alexander Solzhenitsyn published "Gulag Archipelago," an expose of the Soviet prison system. 1981 Elizabeth Jordan Carr, the first American test-tube baby, was born in Norfolk, VA. 1982 Nevell Johnson Jr. was mortally wounded by a police officer in a Miami video arcade. The event set off three days of race riots, that left another man dead. 1987 The bodies of 14 relatives of R. Gene Simmons were found at his home near Dover, AR. Simmons had gone on a shooting spree in Russellville that claimed two other lives. 1989 Alexander Dubcek, who had been expelled from the Communist Party in 1970, was elected speaker of the Czech parliament. 1991 Nine people died in a rush to get into a basketball game at City College in New York. 1995 Pressure from German prosecutors investigating pornography forced CompuServe to set a precedent by blocking access to sex-oriented newsgroups on the Internet for its customers. 2000 U.S. District Court Judge Matsch held a hearing to ensure that confessed Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh understood that he was dropping his appeals. McVeigh said that he wanted an execution date set, but wanted to reserve the right to seek presidential clemency. 2017 Do smiled. |
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