Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, February 3 ___________________________________________________ Today, February 3 in 1690 The first paper money in America was issued by the Massachusetts colony. The currency was used to pay soldiers that were fighting in the war against Quebec in the hope that most of the soldiers would not come back and able to cash in their paper money. ______________________________________________________ The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. --- Hubert H. Humphrey (1911 - 1978) The great thing about human language is that it prevents us from sticking to the matter at hand. --- Lewis Thomas (1913 - 1993) ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Suspect charged with raping Tinder date in Wichita __________________________________________ After weeks of getting the cold shoulder from his wife, the unhappy husband finally confronted her, "Admit it, Linda, the only reason you married me is because my grandfather left me $10 million." She shot back, "Don't be ridiculous, my lawyer doesn't care WHO left it to you." __________________________________________ Thanks to Barb for sendinbg me this picture: ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joe Dustin Tamez, 23, Wichita, Kansas Suspect charged with raping Tinder date in Wichita A Kansas man has been charged with the date rape of a woman he met on Tinder. Joe Dustin Tamez, 23, was charged Thursday in Sedgwick County District Court with rape, aggravated criminal sodomy, aggravated battery, criminal threat and battery. His bond was set at $250,000, and he remains held in the Sedgwick County Jail. Prosecutors accuse Tamez of raping the woman on Sunday. Court documents allege that the woman did not consent, but was overcome by force or fear, and that she was too impaired to give consent to having sex. The charges also claim that Tamez threatened to kill the woman and that he could have killed her when he strangled her. Wichita police previously said the 20-year-old woman met Tamez on the Tinder dating app. The incident happened late Sunday night at Tamezs home near Maple and Tyler, and officers were first called after the victim ran away to another house to seek help. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Not wireless no more Dear Webby In the past week or so my wireless laptop has not been as wireless as before. So now it is wired and working generally well but I'm not happy. What can I do? Secondarily, often (not always) when I click for a new site I get a fancy message: "unable to connect" with a link "try again" which always works. Any thoughts? Many thanks for your fine work, Lee Dear Lee That sounds like your router is dying. If your router is provided by your ISP, call them and complain. They will mail you a new router, or in some places, will even send a tech to deliver a new router and plug it in for you. It all depends on your contract. Call them and tell them that the router is half dead. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. When you're tempted to fight fire with fire, remember the fire department uses water. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Dear Webby: Thankyou so much for sending me the Humour Letter each and every day. I have enjoyed it immensely and have had more than one chuckle while reading it and having my morning coffee. I love the way you have started to personalized it, by adding one or more names of the subscribers into the jokes, and can often be caught thinking "Would I REALLY say that?" Answer is "Probably, I'm a blonde, so nothing is impossible." Keep up the good work, and here is a joke submission for you. It's a bit lengthy, but you may be able to modify it. It is a conversation between God and Moses regarding the computer. Jaye MOSES AND THE COMPUTER "Excuse me, Sir? "Is that you again, Moses?" "I'm afraid it is, Sir." "What is it this time, Moses. More computer Problems?" "How did you guess?" "I don't have to guess, Moses. Remember?" "Oh, yeah. I forgot." "Tell Me what you want, Moses." "But you already know. Remember?" "Moses!" "Sorry Sir." "Well, go ahead Moses. Spit it out!" "Well, I have a question, Sir. You know those ten things you sent me?" "You mean the Commandments, Moses?" "That's it, I was wondering if they were important." "What do you mean 'were important,' Moses? Of course they are important. Otherwise I wouldn't have sent them to you." "Well, sorry, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them, but of course You would see right through that." "What do you mean 'you lost them?" Are you trying to tell me you didn't save them, Moses?" "No, Sir, I forgot." "Well, My Son always saves, Moses." "Yeah, I know. You told me that before. I was going to, but I forgot. I did send them to some people before I lost them though." "And did you hear back from any of them?" "You already know I did....What about the one guy who said he never uses 'shalt not?' Can he change the words a little bit?" "Yes, Moses. As long as he doesn't change the meaning." "And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh and recommended calling them the Ten Suggestions, or letting people pick one or two to try for awhile?" "Moses, I'll act like I didn't hear that." "I think that means, 'No', well then, what about the guy who said I was scamming him?" "I think that is SPAMMING, Moses." "Oh, yeah. I emailed him back and told him I don't even eat that stuff, and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer." "...and what did he say?" "You know what he said! He used your name in vain. You don't think he might have sent me one of those plagues and that's the reason I lost those ten things, do you?" "They're called VIRUSES, Moses." "Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we just go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but I never lost them." "We'll do it the new way, Moses." "I was afraid you'd say that Sir." "Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?" "You told me to hold up this rat and stretch it out toward the computer." "It's a mouse, Moses. MOUSE! MOUSE! And did you do that?" "No, I decided to try the technical support first. After all, who knows more about this stuff than You, and I really like Your hours. By the way, Sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?" "No, Moses." "One other thing, why didn't you name them frogs instead of mice, because didn't you tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?" "I didn't name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a beatnik if you want to." "Oh that explains it. Kind of like Adam, huh, Sir? I bet some woman told him to call it a mouse. After all, wasn't it a woman who named one of the computers 'Apple'?" "Say Goodnight Moses." "Wait a minute, Sir. I am stretching out the mouse and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the ten things have come back. "Which ones are they Moses?" "Let's see. 'Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image' and Thou shalt not uncover thy neighbor's wife.'" "Turn the computer off, Moses. I'm sending you another set of stone tablets. How does 'Same Day Air' sound?" ___________________________________________________ A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here's another male chauvinist pig trying to keep suppressing the independence of a woman by implying she is obligated to be grateful for a lousy seat", and she pushes him back onto the seat. A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is insulted again and refuses to let him up.Finally, the man says, "Lady, you'll have to go molest somebody else now. I'm two miles past my stop already and got to get off the bus." ___________________________________________________ A man and woman are having marriage problems, and decide to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple goes to court to finalize their break-up. The judge asks the husband, "What has brought you to the point that you are now at, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?" The husband says, "In the six weeks we've been together, we haven't been able to agree on one thing." The wife says, "Six and a half weeks." __________________________________________________ | No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today February 3 in 1488 The Portuguese navigator Bartholomeu Diaz landed at Mossal Bay in the Cape, the first European known to have landed on the southern extremity of Africa. 1690 The first paper money in America was issued by the Massachusetts colony. The currency was used to pay soldiers that were fighting in the war against Quebec in the hope that most of the soldiers would not come back and able to cash in their paper money. 1783 Spain recognized the independence of the United States. 1815 The world's first commercial cheese factory was established in Switzerland. 1862 Thomas Edison printed the "Weekly Herald" and distributed it to train passengers traveling between Port Huron and Detroit, MI. It was the first time a newspaper had been printed on a train. 1869 Edwin Booth opened his new theatre in New York City. The first production was "Romeo and Juliet". 1874 A patent was issued to Samuel W. Francis for the spork. 1900 In Frankfort, KY, gubernatorial candidate William Goebels died from an assasin's bullet wounds. On August 18, 1900, Ex-Sec. of State Caleb Powers was found guilty of conspiracy to murder Gov. Goebels. 1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. It authorized the power to impose and collect income tax. 1916 In Ottawa, Canada's original parliament buildings burned down. 1917 The U.S. broke off diplomatic relations with Germany, which had announced a policy of unrestricted submarine warfare. 1918 The Twin Peaks Tunnel began service. It is the longest streetcar tunnel in the world at 11,920 feet. 1941 In Vichy, France, the Nazis used force to restore Pierre Laval to office. 1945 Russia agreed to enter World War II against Japan. 1966 The first rocket-assisted controlled landing on the Moon was made by the Soviet space vehicle Luna IX. 1969 At the Palestinian National Congress in Cairo, Yasser Arafat was appointed leader of the PLO. 1972 The first Winter Olympics in Asia were held at Sapporo, Japan. 1998 Texas executed Karla Faye Tucker. She was the first woman executed in the U.S. since 1984. 1998 In Italy, a U.S. Military plane hit a cable causing the death of 20 skiers on a lift. 2009 Eric Holder was sworn in as attorney general. He was the first African-American to hold the post. 2010 The Alberto Giacometti sculpture L'Homme qui marche sold for $103.7 million. 2015 The British House of Commons voted to approve letting scientist create babies from the DNA of three people. 2020 Do smiled. |
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