Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, October 30 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Woman caught looting cement pavers threatens to sue for back injury because she got a sore back from the looting Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Oct 30 in 1938 Orson Welles' "The War of the Worlds" aired on CBS radio. The belief that the realistic radio dramatization was a live news event about a Martian invasion caused panic among listeners. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings. --- George F. Will (1941 - ) The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments. --- William H. Borah Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. --- Ambrose Bierce ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A little girl and her mother were out and about. Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?" The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older." The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up." The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?" The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now." The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything." Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again. The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old." The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?" The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds." "Where did you learn that?" The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex...." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Painting, n. The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. Formerly, painting and sculpture were combined in the same work: the ancients painted their statures. The only present alliance between the two arts is that the modern painter often chisels his patrons. [Taken from Ambrose Bierce's "Devil's Dictionary."] ______________________________________________________ Burrowing owls _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Julie Ann Upright, 54 Port Richey, Florida Woman caught looting cement pavers threatens to sue for back injury because she got a sore back from the looting A 54-year-old Florida woman was arrested Sunday after she was caught looting cement pavers from a home in Port Richey. Deputies arrested Julie Ann Upright just after 5 p.m. on Woodbridge Court, when he found 42 cement decorative blocks, worth $420, in her vehicle. The homeowner told detectives that he caught her looting the blocks without permission. They were part of a remodeling project and were stored in the front yard, about 4 feet from the roadway, the owner said. Upright said she thought they were trash. Deputies said she then threatened to sue the owner because she hurt her back on his property while loading the blocks into her vehicle. To make matters worse, the deputy said the blocks were stolen within a county that was subject to a state of emergency declared by the governor under chapter 252. Stealing stuff during a state of emergency is looting. The looter was taken to the Land O' Lakes Detention Center and put into the slammer. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kristi Re: Not getting the Humor Letter Dear Webby, hi its me kristi i didnt get dear weebt today in my inbox... Is everything ok??? thanks Dear Kristi Yes, everything is OK here. Your subscription has been sent to you normally: boogy@******.com|kristi|humor No error, no bounce. Once it has entered your ISP's server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. If you did not receive your Humor Letter, check your and your ISP's spam controls. In the meantime, you can browse to http://webby.com/humor and see what I had sent to you. Have FUN! DearWebby From Tilly My mother came by to show off her brand-new Pontiac Grand Am. My eight-year-old daughter took one look at the car and indignantly proclaimed, "They spelled grandma wrong!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
On the way back one day, as I was sitting in the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight at the next gate was overbooked. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said, "If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward..." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses for Pringles Cans Pringles cans work well for storing small toys and tennis balls. They work well for to store clean (or still being used) paint rollers and small paint brushes. They are also the perfect size for storing home baked cookies. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and yelled, 'I sent my daughter in for two pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales.' The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied, ' Ma'am, I suggest you weigh your daughter.' __________________________________________________ | | Houses that will scare you on Halloween. |
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom saying to himself, "How can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we dated, but she's bound to find out sooner or later." Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "How do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out." The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, puts his arm around her shoulder, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make." And she says, "So have I, love." To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks!" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
It was afternoon in the crowded cafeteria. The elderly matron sitting at the counter was obviously upset at the cigarette smoke of the young woman beside her. Finally the older woman could take it no longer. She turned to the girl and bellowed with a loud voice "Young lady, I would rather commit adultery than smoke!" "So would I," quipped the girl, "but you know, there just isn't time enough during a coffee break...." ____________________________________________________ | Today, October 30, in 1817 The independent government of Venezuela was established by Simon Bolivar. 1831 Escaped slave Nat Turner was apprehended in Southampton County, VA, several weeks after leading the bloodiest slave uprising in American history. 1875 The constitution of Missouri was ratified by popular vote. 1893 The U.S. Senate gave final approval to repeal the Sherman Silver Purchase Act of 1890. 1894 The time clock was patented by Daniel M. Cooper of Rochester, NY. 1938 Orson Welles' "The War of the Worlds" aired on CBS radio. The belief that the realistic radio dramatization was a live news event about a Martian invasion caused panic among listeners. 1943 In Moscow, a declaration was signed by the Governments of the Soviet Union, the United Kingdom, the United States and China called for an early establishment of an international organization to maintain peace and security. The goal was supported on December 1, 1943, at a meeting in Teheran. 1945 The U.S. government announced the end of shoe rationing. 1953 General George C. Marshall was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. 1961 The Soviet Union tested a hydrogen bomb with a force of approximately 58 megatons. 1972 U.S. President Richard Nixon approved legislation to increase Social Security spending by $5.3 billion. 1972 In Illinois, 45 people were killed when two trains collided on Chicago's south side. 1975 Prince Juan Carlos assumed power in Spain as dictator Francisco Franco was near death. 1975 The New York Daily News ran the headline "Ford to City: Drop Dead." The headline came a day after U.S. President Gerald R. Ford said he would veto any proposed federal bailout of New York City. 1982 Portugal's constitution was revised for the first time since it was ratified on April 25, 1976. 1984 In Poland, police found the body of kidnapped pro- Solidarity priest Father Jerry Popieluszko. His death was blamed on four security officers. 1989 Mitsubishi Estate Company announced it would buy 51 percent of Rockefeller Group Inc. of New York. 1993 Martin Fettman, America's first veterinarian in space, performed the world's first animal dissections in space, while aboard the space shuttle Columbia. 1993 The United Nations deadline concerning ousted Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide passed with country's military still in control. 1995 Federalist prevailed over separatists in Quebec in a referendum concerning secession from the federation of Canada. 1998 The terrorist who hijacked a Turkish Airlines plane and the 39 people on board was killed when anti-terrorist squads raided the plane. 2017 Do smiled. |
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