Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, January 8 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Pessnyslvania police chief tried to solicit sex from agent posing as 14 year old girl Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, January 8 in 1815 The Battle of New Orleans began. The War of 1812 had officially ended on December 24, 1814, with the signing of the Treaty of Ghent. The news of the signing had not reached British troops in time to prevent their attack on New Orleans. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Men have become the tools of their tools. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife. We'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the Jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it." The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register." The husband says," no - no - no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife's face goes blank. "No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Her face gets really red and she is about to explode and then the husband says, "You must not be in tune with my emotional state about unbalanced checkbooks and overdrawn VISAs!" ____________________________________________________ I was in my car one day listening to a guy on the radio help callers with their home problems. One woman called up hysterical after finding a skunk in her basement. "Leave a trail of breadcrumbs or cat food from your basement to your backyard," suggested the show's host. "That'll get rid of it." An hour later the woman called back, even more upset. "Now I have TWO skunks in my basement!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ A seafood restaurant had a sign in the window that read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each." Amazed at the great value, a man stopped in and asked the waitress, "Five dollars each for lobster tails -- is that correct?" "Yes," she said. "It's our special just for today." "Well," he said, "they must be little lobster tails." "No," she replied, "it's the really big lobster." "Big red lobster tails, $5 each?" he said, amazed. "They must be old lobster tails!" "No, they're definitely today's." "Today's big red lobster tails -- $5 each?" he repeated, astounded. "Yes," she insisted. "Well, here's my five dollars," he said. "I'll take one." She took the money and led him to a table where she invited him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder, leaned over close to him, and said, "Once upon a time there was a really big, red lobster..." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael W. Diebold, 40, Leechburg, Pennsylvania Pessnyslvania police chief tried to solicit sex from agent posing as 14 year old girl State prosecutors are accusing the police chief in a small Pennsylvania town of trying to solicit sex online from an undercover agent posing as a 14-year-old girl. The attorney general's office on Friday arrested 40-year-old Leechburg Police Chief Michael W. Diebold at a spot in Westmoreland County where he had allegedly hoped to meet up with the girl. Prosecutors say he's charged with two felonies: unlawful contact with a minor and criminal attempt to commit involuntary deviate sexual intercourse. A telephone message left at Diebold's home wasn't immediately returned. An officer answering the Leechburg Police phone says he learned of the arrest late Friday from news reporters. Part of Diebold's left arm was amputated last year in a fireworks accident during a fire company carnival. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Nancy Re: No sound in earphones Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Wondered if you could help me. I purchased a set of headphones to plug into my Dell laptop so I could listen to music or watch a DVD without disturbing my husband. BUT, I can't seem to get the headphones to work! I am unable to get any sound out of them. Any thoughts? Nancy in Oregon Dear Nancy Try the other two of the 3 similar looking sockets with mysterious and hard to see symbols. If you have the machine connected to external speakers, unplug those and plug the headphones into that socket. If you have sound coming from the internal squeakers, that internal squeaker sound will instantly stop, when you have found the right socket. if it doesn't, then call Dell about warranty. If the squeaker sound stops when you have found the right socket, but there is no sound in the headphone, then return the headphones and get different ones. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?" --------------------- Believe it or not, they actually do that! They asked me that question in Las Vegas. So I told her that the empty shirts are on the other side of the counter, but that I was real and needed that suitcase. I had to wait a day for it. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A two-year-old daughter was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist. The two-year-old kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, with her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, the child toddled up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her. "Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old phones are security risks Phones are security risks The Associated Press has uncovered a piece of information that could save you a lot of embarrassment or worse. It turns out that when you upgrade to a new cell phone and get rid of your old one, those old text messages may go with it. "Resetting" the phone to clear the slate can be a lot more difficult than owners think, meaning the new owner can get a look at a lot of sensitive information. Used phones checked by the Virginia security company, Trust Digital, contained information ranging from sensitive corporate negotiations to a married man's chit-chat with his girlfriend to bank account numbers and passwords. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font> A guaranteed safe way to get rid of old phones is the Phone Throwuing World Championship: http://www.mobilephonethrowing.fi/ There are quite a few local events too. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives. Two fellows who had been rivals all their lives followed different career paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, the other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop. As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the Airport. The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly, "Oh Porter, from what gate is the flight to Dallas leaving?" The Admiral approached, bowed, and said "Gate 7 Madame, but should you be traveling in your condition?" | | Roy D Mercer - Dead Rooster |
A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves--the barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a house of ill repute!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife has never worked in a house of ill repute." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, January 8, in 1642 Astronomer Galileo Galilei died in Arcetri, Italy. 1675 The first corporation was chartered in the United States. The company was the New York Fishing Company. 1790 In the United States, George Washington delivered the first State of the Union address. 1815 The Battle of New Orleans began. The War of 1812 had officially ended on December 24, 1814, with the signing of the Treaty of Ghent. The news of the signing had not reached British troops in time to prevent their attack on New Orleans. 1838 Alfred Vail demonstrated a telegraph code he had devised using dots and dashes as letters. The code was the predecessor to Samuel Morse's code. 1856 Borax (hydrated sodium borate) was discovered by Dr. John Veatch. 1877 Crazy Horse (Tashunca-uitco) and his warriors fought their final battle against the U.S. Cavalry in Montana. 1886 The Severn Railway Tunnel, Britain's longest, was opened. 1889 The tabulating machine was patented by Dr. Herman Hollerith. His firm, Tabulating Machine Company, later became International Business Machines Corporation (IBM). 1894 Fire caused serious damage at the World's Columbian Exposition in Chicago, IL. 1900 U.S. President McKinley placed Alaska under military rule. 1900 In South Africa, General White turned back the Boers attack of Ladysmith. 1908 A catastrophic train collision occurred in the smoke- filled Park Avenue Tunnel in New York City. Seventeen were killed and thirty-eight were injured. The accident caused a public outcry and increased demand for electric trains. 1916 During World War I, the final withdrawal of Allied troops from Gallipoli took place. 1918 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson announced his Fourteen Points as the basis for peace upon the end of World War I. 1935 The spectrophotometer was patented by A.C. Hardy. 1958 Bobby Fisher, at the age of 14, won the United States Chess Championship for the first time. 1959 Charles De Gaulle was inaugurated as president of France's Fifth Republic. 1962 Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa was exhibited in America for the first time at the National Gallery of Art in Washington, DC. The next day the exhibit opened to the public. 1973 Secret peace talks between the United States and North Vietnam resumed near Paris, France. 1973 The trial opened in Washington, of seven men accused of bugging Democratic Party headquarters in the Watergate apartment complex in Washington, DC. 1982 American Telephone & Telegraph (AT&T) settled the Justice Department's antitrust lawsuit against it by agreeing to divest itself of the 22 Bell System companies. 1982 The U.S. Justice Department withdrew an antitrust suit against IBM. 1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush collapsed during a state dinner in Tokyo. White House officials said Bush was suffering from stomach flu. 1993 Bosnian President Izetbegovic visited the U.S. to plead his government's case for Western military aid and intervention to halt Serbian aggression. 1994 Tonya Harding won the ladies' U.S. Figure Skating Championship in Detroit, MI, a day after Nancy Kerrigan dropped out because of a clubbing attack that injured her right knee. The U.S. Figure Skating Association later took the title from Harding because of her involvement in the attack. 1998 Ramzi Yousef was sentenced to life in prison for his role of mastermind behind the World Trade Center bombing in New York. 1998 Scientists announced that they had discovered that galaxies were accelerating and moving apart and at faster speeds. 1999 The top two executives of Salt Lake City's Olympic Organizing Committee resigned amid disclosures that civic boosters had given cash to members of the International Olympic Committee. 2009 In Egypt, archeologists entered a 4,300 year old pyramid and discovered the mummy of Queen Sesheshet. 2018 Do smiled. |
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