Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, April 8 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Thank you, Ginger!!! Today in 1962, Bay of Pigs invaders got thirty years imprisonment in Cuba. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award New Britain man wanted in Myrtle Beach attempted murder arrested in Middletown ___________________________________________________ Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. --- Socratex "It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them." --- Socratex "We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses." --- C. G. Jung __________________________________________________ A 93 year old man went to his doctor to get a physical. A week later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with an attractive young woman on his arm. At the man's next visit, the doctor said, "I saw you with a lady the other day. You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doc, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'." The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful." ------------------- Well, I got the cheerful part. ____________________________________________________ "So, what's the matter?" asked one woman of her friend over coffee. "I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband." "Oh, everything went wrong," the second woman answered. "First, he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. "All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I ended up catching a lot of fish, and HE didn't!" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Jury in elevator case, stuck in elevator White Plains, NY (AP) - A mistrial was declared in a civil suit about a malfunctioning elevator, when jurors on their way into the courtroom found themselves stranded - in a malfunctioning elevator. The judge was persuaded by defense attorneys that the jurors' experience in the Westchester County Courthouse last week might prejudice them against Maintenance Co. Inc., of Queens. The company is being sued by a nurse and a nurse's aide who claim they were injured tumbling out of an elevator that stopped above floor level at a hospital. A new crop of jurors that has no experience with elevators was to be selected. ____________________________________________________ Female Mountain Bluebird, Priddis, AB ___________________________________________________ A Bonehead award goes to the State of Pennsylvania which has had National Guard troops patrolling the state's five nuclear power plants with unloaded weapons, depending instead on them making mean faces to scare off terrorists. ----- They should at least let them carry monkey wrenches ! ____________________________________________________ The following was overheard at a recent party... "My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great," said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked, "How far does your family go back?" "I don't know," was the reply. "All of our records were lost in the flood." ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Steven Caldwell of New Britain, 30, New Beitain, Connecticot, USA New Britain man wanted in Myrtle Beach attempted murder arrested in Middletown A man wanted in connection to attempted murder in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina was arrested in Middletown on March 31. Middletown police said officers conducted a motor vehicle stop related to an ongoing investigation. The driver of the car was identified as 30-year-old Steven Caldwell of New Britain. Police found 8.2 grams of crack cocaine and other items of drug paraphernalia inside the car. Middletown police also determined that Caldwell was wanted for felony attempted murder with a handgun in Myrtle Beach, SC. Caldwell was charged with possession of narcotics, possession with intent to sell, possession of drug paraphernalia, operating under suspension, traveling unreasonably fast, and fugitive without warrant. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Susan Re: No music on postcards Dear Webby. I am writing concerning the postcards page on my website, the Northern Neck of Virginia Law Page located at https://www.ragerlaw.com/. I have several pages of photographs I took, and tons of music files to accompany the postcards. I have not found, upon review, a recent subscription payment for the services you provide to match up chosen photos and music, and the sending off of the cards to intended recipients. In particular, I noticed that when I tried to send a card today, and got the preview, there is something missing about having the music play when the card is downloaded. There seems to be some missing code, because there is a black and white box, which, if you press play, it will activate music, but it is not self-explanatory. Could you please get back to me and let me know what's going on, and if I owe you subscription fee at this time. You may call me. Susan Dear Susan You may have noticed that you have not received any invoices since 2004, when Russia stole Crimea, where THAT server was. However, your cards still arrive from a server in Ukraine. For now. Re music: Modern browsers don't play MIDI music anymore. For the music to actually play, you would have to use mp3 or mp4 music. There is nothing we can do about the browsers used by the recipients. You can 1) replace the quaint old MIDI music with MP3 or MP4 or 2) Put a notice up there that today's browsers can't play MIDI music. It is not OUR code, that is missing something, but browsers have changed about 15 years ago. By the way, Natalie Zubar, one of the writers of the postcards program, is in Kharkiv, Ukraine, documenting Russian war crimes. Here is a post from her: https://maidan.org.ua/en/2022/04/pershi-pidsumky-monitorynhu-znyshchennia-ob-iektiv-tsyvilnoi-infrastruktury-v-kharkovi-vnaslidok-obstriliv-ta-bombuvannia-rf/ Naturally, she won't answer postcard related questions while she is running around Kharkiv, taking pictures and trying not to get hit by bombs and artillery. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________ A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then one little boy in the back raised his hand. "Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master. Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards." "Why's that Timmy?" "Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..." "And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently. "Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, omeone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My son is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years." The other woman said, "Well, my son is a saint too. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time." "My word," the first mother said. "You must be so proud." "I am," the second mother replied. "And when he gets out of jail next month, I'm going to throw him one hell of a big party." ______________________________________________ A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop: "I know that on your pension you could probably not hope to have a holiday like that, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer". He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were off! About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A man moved into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current photo of himself Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top part. Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother*s eyesight is, and hopes she won*t notice. A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, "Thank you for the picture. You sure got the traditional Hinkley nose. But you should do something about that punk hairstyle." ___________________________________________________ | Today, April 8, in 1513, Explorer Juan Ponce de Leon claimed Florida for Spain. 1525, Albert von Brandenburg, the leader of the Teutonic Order, assumes the title "Duke of Prussia" and passed the first laws of the Protestant church, making Prussia a Protestant state. 1789, The U.S. House of Representatives held its first meeting. 1832, About 300 American troops of the 6th Infantry left Jefferson Barracks, St. Louis, to confront the Sauk Indians in the Black Hawk War. 1834, In New York City, Cornelius Lawrence became the first mayor to be elected by popular vote in a city election. 1839, The first Intercollegiate Rodeo was held at the Godshall Ranch, Apple Valley, CA. 1864, The U.S. Senate passed the 13th Amendment (S.J. Res. 16) by a vote of 38 to 6. 1873, Alfred Paraf patented the first successful oleomargarine. 1911, The first squash tournament was played at the Harvard Club in New York City. 1913, The Seventeenth amendment was ratified, requiring direct election of senators. 1935, The Works Progress Administration was approved by the U.S. Congress. 1939, Italy invaded Albania. 1942, The Soviets opened a rail link to the besieged city of Leningrad. 1946, The League of Nations assembled in Geneva for the last time. 1947, The first illustrated insurance policy was issued by the Allstate Insurance Company. 1952, U.S. President Truman seized steel mills to prevent a nationwide strike. 1953, The bones of Sitting Bull were moved from North Dakota to South Dakota. 1962, Bay of Pigs invaders got thirty years imprisonment in Cuba. 1985, India filed suit against Union Carbide for the Bhopal disaster. 1985, Phyllis Diller underwent a surgical procedure for permanent eyeliner to eliminate the need for eyelid makeup. 1986, Clint Eastwood was elected mayor of Carmel, CA. 1990, In Nepal, King Birendra lifted the 30-year ban on political parties. 1992, In Britain, the last issue of "Punch Magazine" was published. 1994, Smoking was banned in the Pentagon and all U.S. military bases. 1998, The widow of Martin Luther King Jr. presented new evidence in an appeal for new federal investigation of the assassination of her husband. 2000, 19 U.S. troops were killed when a Marine V22 Osprey crashed during a training mission in Arizona. 2001, Microsoft Corp. released Internet Explorer 6.0. 2002, Ed McMahon filed a $20 million lawsuit against his insurance company, two insurance adjusters, and several environmental cleanup contractors. The suit alleged breach of contract, negligence and intentional infliction of emotional distress concerning a toxic mold that had spread through McMahon's Beverly Hills home. 2022 Do smiled. |
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