Good Morning, Do, Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Ohio Woman's Plot to Kill Estranged Husband with Kids in Car Is So Heartless the Hitman Refuses to Do It Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, October 4, in 1535 The first complete English translation of the Bible was printed in Zurich, Switzerland. See More of what happened on this day in history. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ The function of socialism is to raise suffering to a higher level. --- Norman Mailer (1923 - 2007) "One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks." --- Jack Penn Whaddya mean with that? A mistake, that is not repeated, is a stepping stone. --- DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Ella When my sister got married, she asked to wear my mother's wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the first time I was sitting with Mother in the living room when my sister came down the stairs. The gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Mother's eyes welled with tears. I put my arm around her. "Don't cry, remember you're not losing a daughter, you're gaining a son." "Oh, I'm not crying about that!" she said with a sob. "I used to fit into that dress!" ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 ______________________________________________________ When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," the doctor said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!" ______________________________________________________ >From Karen Vaisman ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shelly Carter, 42, Cincinnati, Ohio Ohio Woman's Plot to Kill Estranged Husband with Kids in Car Is So Heartless the Hitman Refuses to Do It She was willing to kill for her dream house. An Ohio dog groomer was collared last week for allegedly hiring a hitman to zap her estranged husband in the middle of their divorce. Shelly Ann Carter, 42, offered an assassin $1,000 and a car to slay her 44-year-old hubby but the hitman had a change of heart, police say. Carters 23-year-old boyfriend, Ryan Stark, was also arrested in the plot. >From an outsider's perspective, Shelly Carter was simply a dog groomer at a local business she previously owned. The Ohio mother of two was even described as "nice" by relatives. But the action she's now been arrested for wasn't so nice at all. Cincinnati's Local 12 News reports that Carter hired a hitman to crash into her estranged husband's car in an effort to kill him. Court documents reveal she conspired with her half-brother Casey Fryman and his wife, Sarah, in the murder-for-hire case. Carter reportedly paid the man $500 on September 16th and told him she would pay $500 more when the "job was done." According to WLWT5 News, Middletown Police found bankruptcy and child support paperwork in Carter's home September 21st, along with a shotgun. Carter was in the middle of a divorce proceeding with her 44-year-old husband at the time she planned to have him killed: As The Daily Beast reports, her plot was thwarted when the would-be hitman found out her two kids would be in the car at the time of the fatal crash. When he approached the children's mother about his concern, she said she "didn't care" if the kids died as a result. Christian Tony Carter, her husband, spoke to reporters Saturday and was completely distraught to learn of the heinous plan: Relatives said Carter was desperate to keep the family house, which might have been her motive in attempting to kill Tony. Family friend and spokesperson Amy Wray told The Daily Beast: "She decided she wanted the house no matter how she could get it," adding that Carter had threatened the children and previously made false claims of domestic violence." According to the Journal News, Carter's bond is set for $750,000. She's charged with three counts of conspiracy to commit aggravated murder. Casey and Sarah Fryman were also charged with one count of conspiracy to commit aggravated murder each for setting up the meeting with the hitman. Their individual bonds are set at $250,000. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Pennie RE: Need nice font Dear Webby, Hope you are doing well !!! Just hate for someone to be a little off the weather. I have a question for you today regarding fonts. I would like to get a nice one for my mail and recipes, what do you suggest ? Something like handwriting that is easy to read. I did check out some on the internet and there was free download but am so scarred it might download a bug for me. I value your advice very much. Take care and lots of health. Pennie *:) Dear Pennie You have to consider that the other side has to have that font on their machine. If they don't, they will see some ugly Courier New, or something like that. IF they have Duchess installed, that would be a nice and relaxed but quite elegant font, that is really easy to read. Second best for your purpose would be Guga Handwriting. Third would be Lucida Handwriting. It is very common, and a popular, easy to read font. You might want to field a survey amongst your fans and ask them if they have font A, B, C, etc. installed, and let that be your guidance. There is no point using a font, that nobody else has installed. Aside from availability, the only real concern is readability. For example, Palace Script MT is a very beautiful font and a favorite with wedding invitations. However, it is NOT a fast and easy reading font. On a wedding invitation that is OK. That should be read slowly, giving them time to plan their dress and their presents. If you, for example, decide to use Duchess from Micrologic, mention that to your readers, and maybe even recommend a URL for downloading it. Without availability, the most beautiful font is nothing. Have FUN! DearWebby The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's birthday. "A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk. "You bet," answered the customer. "She's expecting a cruise." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Sheets Inside Pillowcases By dorothy wedenoja This tip will save you looking for a matching bottom and top sheet with matching pillowcases. Put folded sheets and one of the pillowcases inside the other pillowcase. Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
The cowboy walked into the tack shop. "How much for a pair of spurs?" he asked the sales clerk. "Forty dollars." The cowboy looked in his wallet, thought for a moment, then pulled out a twenty. "I'll take one spur." "What'll you do with just one?" the clerk asked. The cowboy replied, "I figger if I can get one side of the horse movin', the other side'll go too." ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Chris for these: Substitute your own favorite conference, team, or local redneck. Big 12 Conference Football Jokes (1) What does the average Texas player get on his SATs? ............Drool. (2) What do you get when you put 32 Texas Tech cheerleaders in one room? ............A full set of teeth. (3) How do you get an Iowa State cheerleader into your dorm room? ............Grease her hips and push. (4) How do you get a University of Oklahoma graduate letterman off your porch? ............Pay him for the pizza. (5) How do you know if a Nebraska football player has a girlfriend? ...........There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup (6) Why is the Colorado football team like a possum? ............Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road. (7) What are the longest three years of an University of Kansas football player's life? ............His freshman year. (8) How many Missouri freshmen does it take to change a light bulb? ...........None. That's a sophomore course. (9) Where was O. J. headed in the white Bronco? ...........Manhattan, Kansas. He knew that the police would never look at KSU for a Heisman Trophy winner. (10) Why did Oklahoma State choose orange as their team color? ............You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week. ____________________________________________________ Number of physicians in the US: 700,000. Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year: 120,000 (AMA). Accidental deaths per physician: 0.171 (U.S. Dept. of Health Human Services) Number of gun owners in the US: 80,000,000. Number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups): 1,500. Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000188 Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners. "FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but everyone has at least one Doctor." Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand. ____________________________________________________ | | Police witness strange paranormal activity. |
____________________________________________________ | Today on October 4 in 1535 The first complete English translation of the Bible was printed in Zurich, Switzerland. 1648 The first volunteer fire department was established in New York by Peter Stuyvesant. 1777 At Germantown, PA, Patriot forces and British forces both suffer heavy losses in battle. The battle was seen as British victory, which actually served as a moral boost to the Americans. 1876 The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas formally dedicated by Texas Gov. Richard Coke. It was the state's first venture into public higher education. The college opened for classed two days earlier. 1881 Edward Leveaux received a patent for the player piano. 1909 The first airship race in the U.S. took place in St. Louis, MO. 1915 The Dinosaur National Monument was established. The area covered part of Utah and Colorado. 1927 The first actual work of carving began on Mount Rushmore. 1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini met in the Alps at Brenner Pass. Hitler was seeking help from Italy to fight the British. 1957 The Soviet Union launched Sputnik I into orbit around the Earth. Sputnik was the first manmade satellite to enter space. Sputnik I fell out of orbit on January 4, 1958. 1958 British Overseas Airways Corporation became the first jetliner to offer trans-Atlantic service to passengers with flights between London, England and New York. 1990 The German parliament had its first meeting since reunification. 1992 The 16-year civil war in Mozambique ended. 1993 Russian Vice-President Alexander Rutskoi and Chairman Ruslan Khasbulatov surrendered to Boris Yeltsin after a ten- hour tank assault on the Russian White House. The two men had barricaded themselves in after Yeltsin called for general elections and dissolved the legislative body. 1993 Dozens of Somalis dragged an American soldier through the streets of Mogadishu. A videotape showed Michael Durant being taken prisoner by Somali militants. 1994 South African President Nelson Mandela was welcomed to the White House by U.S. President Clinton. 1997 Hundreds of thousands of men attended a Promise Keepers rally on the Mall in Washington, DC. 2001 NATO granted the United States open access to their airfields and seaports and agreed to deploy ships and early- warning radar planes in the war on terrorism. 2001 In Washington, DC, Reagan National Airport re-opened. The airport had been closed since the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. 2004 SpaceShip One reached an altitude of 368,000 feet. It was the first privately built, manned rocket ship to fly in space twice within a two week window. The ship won the Ansari X Prize of $10 million dollars for their success. 2016 Do smiled. |
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