| good morning, Do! Today is SSunday, June 4 ____________________________________________________ History: today, June 4 in 1784, Marie Thible became the first woman to fly in a hot-air balloon. The flight was 45 minutes long and reached a height of 8,500 feet. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Mesa woman tried to kill boyfriend by running him over _____________________________________________________ Q Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. --- Doug Larson Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910 ______________________________________________________ The doctor was making his rounds and walked into the semi- private room in the hospital to examine old Mrs. Williams. After the exam in his best professional voice, he said smoothly, "You are coughing much more easily this morning." "I should," snapped the patient. "I've been practicing all night." _____________________________________________________ A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked about?" The clerk smiled and said: "Rapes in the underground parkade." ___________________________________ Rodochrosite ___________________________________________________ an fl bonehead award has been reported by rock Gloria Gomez, 24, Mesa, Arizona, USA A San Tan Valley woman accused of running over her boyfriend during an argument Police say 24-year-old Gloria Gomez and her boyfriend got into an argument while she was driving last December in Mesa. During the argument, investigators say Gomez pulled into a parking lot near Main Street and Sycamore where her boyfriend got out of the car and tried to run away. Gomez allegedly ran her boyfriend over with the car, causing him major injuries, including broken ribs. ___________________________________________________ During a friendly argument, a husband asked his wife why she married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," she teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, she requested an explanation. "People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid." ___________________________________________________ A new addition to the periodic table of chemical elements Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: 180+ Physical properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KID (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time. Neutralizes by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell. ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Janine RE: New Window Dear Webby, Normally I want my browser to re-use already open windows, so that it doesn't gobble up more memory than my computer has. But occasionally I DO want a link to go to a brand new window without losing the one that is open. Is there a way to do that without changing all the settings in my browser? Thanks Janine Dear Janine Yes, sure there is. Hold down SHIFT when you click on the new link. ___________________________________________________ We got 10cm (4 inches) of snow, and it is still snowing. -9 degrees C. Forecast says it won't warm up until June or July. Then, according to the 172 year cycles, we will get Gullible Warming untill next October. ___________________________________________________ Today, October 18 in 1969 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew referred to anti-Vietnam War protesters "an effete corps of impudent snobs." _____________________________________________________ Seeing ourselves as others would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them. --- Franklin P. Jones _____________________________________________________ Overheard at drug store last week. Standing near the check out stand, a teenager spotted a display of condoms. "Hey Dad, what's a three pack for?" remarks the teenager. "Those are for the weekend. Two for Friday night, and one for Saturday" remarked the father. "Then Dad, what's a six pack for?" "That's when she moves in to your pad. Two for Friday night, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday". "Then Dad, what's a twelve pack for?" "That's for when your married. One for January, one for February, one for......." _____________________________________________________ One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe no nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair unaware that it's rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform. "Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment. Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her dishevelled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk. "Well, doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "we could start with an easier question." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Janine RE: New Window Dear Webby, Normally I want my browser to re-use already open windows, so that it doesn't gobble up more memory than my computer has. But occasionally I DO want a link to go to a brand new window without losing the one that is open. Is there a way to do that without changing all the settings in my browser? Thanks Janine
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