Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, Oct 14 __________________________________________________ History 1912, Theodore Roosevelt was shot while campaigning in Milwaukee, WI. Roosevelt's wound in the chest was not serious and he continued with his planned speech. William Schrenk was captured at the scene of the shooting. ____________________________________________________ Q Here's a tip to avoid death by celebrity: First off, get a life. They can't touch you if you're out doing something interesting. --- Kent Nichols and Douglas Sarine There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ BONEHEAD AWARD BOCA RATON DRUNK FOUND ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL __________________________________________________________ A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" by this time she was fairly shouting. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "I might have a word with George?" ________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a minute, then walks back across the street. The other dog says, "What was that about?" The dog first dog says, "Oh, I was just checking my p-mail messages." __________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ >From Bill Dear God, Yesterday was an awful day for me... My wife ran off with her cousin-in-law. My son pierced his eyebrow, My daughter tattooed the bald spot on her head, My dog mated with the neighbour's cat, My neighbour sold his house to a mental institution, My Mom told me I was adopted, My boss told me I was laid off, My sister was arrested for prostitution, My house has termites, My car was stolen, All that came in the mail was bills, A plane crash landed on my garage, OJ Simpson came to my door selling rug cleaner, And my TV blew up. Lord, please be with me today. I was able to live through all that misery yesterday. And I will be able to make it through anything today!! But please... DON'T LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO MY COMPUTER!!!! ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Janice RE: Netflix offers Dear Webby Thanks for that awesome collection of HotKeys! I keep getting these emails urging me to try Netflix and win a year's worth of it for free. I don't really ned Netflix, so I might be more critical than necessary, but everybody at work urges me to try it. What do you think? Janice Dear Janice Dump that crap! Make a filter to dump it on the server, without even downloading the subject line. It is a scam and they are just trying to phish your ID and bank info. Don't bother replying, that just proves that your address works. Just delete it. Have FUN! DearWebby ________________________________________________ A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?" The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?" Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?" "Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants." ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ A hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment in Arkansas, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a bar. After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed. "Say, how old are you anyway?" the reporter asked as the obviously young lass was disrobing. "Thirteen," she replied with a shy smile. "Thirteen ??? My God, girl !!! You get those clothes back on at once at get the hell outta here ! Are you crazy ?" he thundered. Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed nymphet smiled and said, "Superstitious, huh ?" ____________________________________________ A Bonehead Award Has Been Reported By Rock Evan Hole, 33, Boca Raton, Florida, USA BOCA RATON DRUNK FOUND ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL A Boca Raton was arrested for DUI after officers found him asleep behind the wheel on the busiest section of Glades Road in Boca Raton. Usually, when a car is stopped in the middle of the busiest street in Boca Raton, there is a mechanical problem, or some other emergency. That was not the case this time. Officers responded to one of the busiest sections of Glades Road, just west of the diamond interchange, to reports of a vehicle stopped in the middle of the road. There, officers found 33- year-old Evan Hole of Boca Raton asleep behind the wheel of his car which was parked in the middle lane. A DUI Investigator with the Boca Raton Police who responded to the scene says that Hole appeared extremely lethargic and intoxicated. When asked, Hole said he was coming from his girlfriends house but he was unable to articulate where that was. Further, Hole was unable to describe what part of Boca Raton he was currently located at or how he was going to get to his home. Officers report that Hole gave them a Colorado drivers license, stating that he did not have a Florida DL. Officers quickly found that Hole actually had a Florida Drivers License; however, it was suspended for a previous DUI. Hole was arrested for DUI following the completion of several field sobriety exercisers. At the Police station, Hole reportedly became argumentative and debated the interworking of the Intoxilyzer, a machine used for alcohol breath testing, with the DUI investigator. Hole was arrested and charged/cited with the following: 316.193(1) Driving Under the Influence 316.1939(1) Refuse to Submit to Bal Test 318.14(3) Person Willfully Refuses to Accept and Sign Citation 322.34(2) Operating While Dl Suspended /cancelled Revoked 322.30(1) Driver License Using Dl From Another State While Under Suspension/revocation ________________________________________________ Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother." _________________________________________________ History On Oct 14, in 1066, The Battle of Hastings occurred in England. The Norman forces of William the Conqueror defeated King Harold II of England. 1879, Thomas Edison signed an agreement with Jose D. Husbands for the sale of Edison telephones in Chile. 1887, Thomas Edison and George E. Gouraud reached an agreement for the international marketing rights for the phonograph. 1888, In England, Louis Le Prince filmed the experimental film "Roundhay Garden Scene." It is the oldest surviving motion picture. 1912, Theodore Roosevelt was shot while campaigning in Milwaukee, WI. Roosevelt's wound in the chest was not serious and he continued with his planned speech. William Schrenk was captured at the scene of the shooting. 1922, Lieutenant Lester James Maitland set a new airplane speed record when he reached a speed of 216.1 miles-per-hour. 1926, The book "Winnie-the-Pooh," by A.A. Milne, made its debut. 1928, The first televised wedding took place in Des Plains, IL. James Fowlkes and Cora Dennison were married in a radio studio. 1930, Ethel Merman debuted on Broadway in "Girl Crazy." 1933, Nazi Germany announced that it was withdrawing from the League of Nations. 1936, The first SSB (Social Security Board) office opened in Austin, TX. From this point, the Board's local office took over the assigning of Social Security Numbers. 1943, The Radio Corporation of America finalized the sale of the NBC Blue radio network. Edward J. Noble paid $8 million for the network that was renamed American Broadcasting Company. 1944, German Field Marshal Erwin Rommel committed suicide rather than face execution after being accused of conspiring against Adolf Hitler and the execution that would follow. 1944, During World War II, the Second British Parachute Brigade liberated the city of Athens. 1947, Over Rogers Dry Lake in Southern California, pilot Chuck Yeager flew the Bell X-1 rocket plane and became the first American to break the sound barrier. 1954, C.B. DeMille's "The Ten Commandments", starring Charlton Heston, began filming in Egypt. The epic had a cast of 25,000 people. 1960, U.S. presidential candidate John F. Kennedy first suggested the idea of a Peace Corps. 1961, "How to Succeed in Business without Really Trying" opened on Broadway. 1962, The Cuban Missile Crisis began. It was on this day that U.S. intelligence personnel analyzing data discovered Soviet medium-range missile sites in Cuba. On October 22 U.S. President John F. Kennedy announced that he had ordered the naval "quarantine" of Cuba. 1964, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his non-violent resistance to racial prejudice in America. He was the youngest person to receive the award. 1968, The first live telecast to come from a manned U.S. spacecraft was transmitted from Apollo 7. 1970, Anwar el-Sadat became president of Egypt following the death of President Nasser. 1972, In Iraq, oil was struck for the first time just north of Kirkuk. 1986, Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev charged that the U.S. wanted to "bleed the Soviet Union economically" with the arms race in space. 1987, Jessica McClure, 18 months old, fell down an abandoned well in Midland, TX. The rescue took 58 hours. 2002, Britain stripped power from the Catholic and Protestant politicians of Northern Ireland. Britain resumed sole responsibility for running Northern Ireland. 2023, Do! Smiled. Have Fun Dearwebby
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