Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, April 23 Great big panic here! A friend from the Yukon, whom I had not seen for 25 years, and his wife, will be coming for a visit, at 11 am !!! Because I have reverted to an untamed bachelor, without a woman nagging me to clean up, the house is a MESS! I mopped the floors, but that was the easy part. I better get really busy between now and 11 am! I wish I could call somebody for help! ______________________________________________________ Today, April 23 in 1988 Kanellos Kanelopoulos set three world records for human- powered flight when he stayed in the air for 74 miles and four hours in his pedal-powered "Daedalus". More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Officer returned home to find man stealing stuff ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Never harbor grudges; they sour your stomach and do no harm to anyone else. --- Robertson Davies The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. --- Thomas Szasz Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. --- Alfred E. Newman _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ann for this report: 'Hello?' 'Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?' 'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.' After a brief pause..., Daddy says, 'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.' 'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, Right Now.' Brief Pause.... 'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway..' 'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.' A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. 'I did it, Daddy.' 'And what happened, honey?' he asked. 'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!' 'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?' 'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water on the weekend to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.' Long Pause... Longer Pause ....... Even Longer Pause........... Then Daddy says, 'Swimming pool? .......Is this 486-5731?' 'No, I think you have the wrong number." ______________________________________________________` _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael James Crockett, 37, Fishers, Indiana Officer returned home to find man stealing stuff Police say a Hamilton County corrections officer returned home Monday to find a man leaving his home with several stolen items. Police received a report of a possible burglary in the 16100 block of Southeastern Parkway shortly after 11 a.m. The Hamilton County Sheriff's Department says 37-year-old Michael James Crockett had a handgun and took the officer's truck, a brown Chevrolet Silverado, since his own vehicle was blocked in by the truck. The stolen truck contained a police issued weapon and ballistic vest. Using an electronic tracking system built into the Silverado, officers were quickly able to locate the vehicle near Michigan Road and 62nd Street in Indianapolis. The system allowed the truck to be deactivated so officers could apprehend the suspect. Police say Crockett is facing initial charges of: robbery, burglary, theft, possession of a firearm by a serious violent felon and Pointing a Firearm. From: Eddie Re: Need for remote drive Dear Webby Got to pick your brain one more time........ here is the scenero ....... I have heard that you can fix another computer that has a minor problem and or reformat with out taking apart the computer (hard drive and making it a slave) ....... Can you hook up 2 computers using either USB or Ethernet Cord to scan and repair the bad computer? And does the computer that is bad --- when hooking it up, does it have to have the monitor, keyboard and all connected? Have a great day almighty and powerfull ....... Mr. Webby Eddie Dear Dear Eddie If a computer is so messed up that you can't clean it up, and you need to format it, you can do that without opening it up. Just stick the set-up CD into the drive and reboot. You CAN scan a computer over a network, but you need to have a network license for the scanning program. The free sample versions usually on't include that, however, you can scan a USB drive, since it acts like a local drive. The only time you have to take the drive out and put it into a USB drive, is when Windows won't stay lit up or won't boot up, but you want to salvage data before formatting and reloading Windows. Taking the drive out is about as technically challenging as taking a beer out of the fridge, but might be a bit more physically challenging, if your computer is deep under your desk. Once the drive is in a USB drive enclosure, it acts like the second drive of the machine, that the enclosure is plugged into. No need for a second monitor or keyboard. Unless you need to salvage irreplaceable data, and can't upload it to the net or burn it onto a CD, just format and reload. You will never be able to clean up a totally messed up computer by using free utilities, just like the ones that caused the mess in the first place. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Thanks to Vickster for this story: The husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples alternate shot tournament at his club. He teed off on the first hole, a par four, and blistered a drive 300 yards down the middle of the fairway. Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife, "Just hit it toward the green. Anywhere around there will be fine." The wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods. Undaunted, the husband said, "That's okay, sweetheart," and spent a full five minutes looking for the ball. He found it just in time, but in a horrible position. He played the shot of his life to get the ball within two feet of the hole. He told his wife to knock the ball in. His wife then proceeded to knock the ball off the green and into a bunker. Still maintaining composure, the husband summoned all of his skill and holed the shot from the bunker. He took the ball out of the hole and, while walking off the green, put his arm around his wife and calmly said, "Honey, that was a bogey and that's okay. I think we can do better on the next hole." To which she replied, "Listen, dear, don't yell at me. Only two of those five shots were mine!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Thanks to Sandie for this story: When we put our house up for sale, I stressed emphatically that my sons make their beds each morning. I left for work before they left for school and I wanted to be sure the house looked presentable when the agent showed it to prospective buyers. I was surprised and impressed that my 15-year-old son's bed was perfectly made each day. Until, that is, one night when I went into his room, I discovered his secret. He was fast asleep on the floor in his sleeping bag. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Mixing Meatloaf and Other Sticky Things When mixing meat loaf or patting marshmallow candy into a pan, kneading pizza dough etc., I first spray my hands with non-stick cooking spray. It keeps the food from sticking and washes off easily with soap and water. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | It's amazing how far the Monarch butterfly travels to wait out the winter. |
___________________________________________________ A friend and his wife were considering traveling to Alaska for a trip that the husband had long dreamed of taking. He kept talking about how great it would be to stay in a log cabin without electricity, to hunt moose, and drive a dog team instead of a car. "If we decided to live there permanently, away from civil- ization, what would you miss the most?" he asked his wife. She replied, "You." ___________________________________________________ My son is the manager of a glass and window company and ad- vertised in the paper for experienced glaziers. Since a good glass man is hard to find, he was pleased when a man who called about the job said he had over 10 years of experience. "Where have you worked as a glazier?" my son asked. The man replied, "Dunkin' Donuts." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Dave for this story: The Ferrari F1 Racing Team recently fired the whole pit crew to employ some young unemployed youths from Liverpool. The decision to hire them was brought on by a documentary on how unemployed youths in the Liverpool area can remove a set of car wheels in less than 4 seconds without proper equipment. This was thought to be a good move as most races are won and lost in the pits these days, and Ferrari would thus have an advantage. However, Ferrari soon encountered a major problem: Not only were the lads changing the tires in under 4 seconds but within another 10 seconds had repainted, renumbered and sold the vehicle to the McLaren team. ___________________________________________________ | Today April 23 in 1348 The first English order of knighthood was founded. It was the Order of the Garter. 1500 Pedro Cabal claimed Brazil for Portugal. 1521 The Comuneros were crushed by royalist troops in Spain. 1635 The Boston Public Latin School was established. It was the first public school building in the United States. 1759 The British seized Basse-Terre and Guadeloupe in the Antilies from France. 1789 U.S. President George Washington moved into Franklin House, New York. It was the first executive mansion. 1789 "Courier De Boston" was published for the first time. It was the first Roman Catholic magazine in the U.S. 1826 Missolonghi fell to Egyptian forces. 1861 Arkansas troops seized Fort Smith. 1872 Charlotte E. Ray became the first African-American woman lawyer. 1895 Russia, France, and Germany forced Japan to return the Liaodong peninsula to China. 1896 The Vitascope system for projecting movies onto a screen was demonstrated in New York City. 1900 The word "hillbilly" was first used in print in an article in the "New York Journal." It was spelled "Hill-Billie". 1908 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt signed an act creating the U.S. Army Reserve. 1920 The Turkish Grand National Assembly had its first meeting in Ankara. 1924 The U.S. Senate passed the Soldiers Bonus Bill. 1945 The Soviet Army fought its way into Berlin. 1950 Chaing evacuated Hainan, leaving mainland China to Mao and the communists. 1951 The Associated Press began use of the new service of teletype setting. 1967 The Soyuz 1 was launched by Russia. 1968 The Methodist Church and the Evangelical United Brethren Church merged to form the United Methodist Church. 1971 The Soyuz 10 was launched. 1981 The Soviet Union conducted an underground nuclear test at their Semipaltinsk (Kazakhstan) test site. 1982 The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that consumer prices declined the previous month (March). It was the first decline in almost 17 years. 1984 The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services announced that Dr. Robert Gallo and his colleagues had found the cause of AIDS. It was a retrovirus the labled HTLV-III. 1985 The Coca-Cola Company announced that it was changing its 99-year-old secret formula. New Coke was not successful, which resulted in the resumption of selling the original version. 1988 A U.S. federal law took effect that banned smoking on flights that were under two hours. 1988 In Martinez, CA, a drain valve was left open at the Shell Marsh. More than 10,000 barrels of oil poured into the marsh adjoining Peyton Slough. 1988 Kanellos Kanelopoulos set three world records for human- powered flight when he stayed in the air for 74 miles and four hours in his pedal-powered "Daedalus". 1996 An auction of the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis' possessions began at Sotheby's in New York City. The sale brought in #34.5 million. 1997 An infertility doctor in California announced that a 63- year-old woman had given birth in late 1996. The child was from a donor egg. The woman is the oldest known woman to give birth. 2004 U.S. President George W. Bush eased sanctions against Libya in return for Moammar Gadhafi's agreement to give up weapons of mass destruction. 2005 The first video was uploaded to YouTube.com. 2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1 billion applications downloaded. 2019 Do smiled. |
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