Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, August 20 Still smokey and cold ash falling. Feels weird, like tiny drops of rain, that evaporate, before they hit the sidewalk, and don't leave a dark spot. Reminds me that we are lucky. We only have smoke and ash, on the other side of the Rockies they have 600 wild fires, most of them out of control. I sure feel sorry for those people! Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: Police arrest man after third break-in in one week at same daycare  ______________________________________________________ Today, August 20 in 1741 Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering, sailing for the Russian navy, discovered Alaska. Outsiders first discovered Alaska in 1741 when Danish explorer Vitus Jonassen Bering sighted it on a voyage from Siberia. Russian whalers and fur traders on Kodiak Island established the first settlement in Alaska in 1784. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. --- Thomas Szasz, ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Steve considers himself fairly strong, but was dismayed that that he couldn't even lift the 35 pound barbell in the Sporting Goods area. He tried but just simply couldn't lift it. So he tried the 15 pound bar. He still couldn't budge it and looked quite depressed about his own physical strength. I have never done any weight lifting, but after spending many years in the bush and in mines, those silly toys looked like no problem at all. So I grabbed one and yanked it up with a good tug, - and knocked the display over. OOOPS! That's when we realized they had been epoxied onto the shelves. _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Mara Guadalupe for this story: Two Mexicans are riding along Pacific Coast Highway on a motorcycle. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the Mexicans ask him for a lift. He tells them he has no room in as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls. The Mexicans put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back with their bike will he take them and he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the trailer, so the driver shuts the doors and gets on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down. Sure enough the Highway Patrol pulls him over for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies jokingly-- "Mexican eggs". The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. He gets on his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers. "I've got a Tractor-trailer here with 20,000 Mexican eggs in it - 2 have hatched and they have already managed to steal a motorcycle. ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ A woman loses both ears in an accident. A plastic surgeon she consults tells her that ear transplants are still in the testing stage, but he will do what he can. The woman undergoes the operation, and after a time she returns to the surgeon's office to have the bandages removed and the stitches taken out. After examining her, the doctor tells her everything seems to have gone well, and she seems pleased with his work. The next day, however, she calls the plastic surgeon in a rage. "You know what you did?" she screams. "You gave me a man's ears." "Well," says the surgeon, "an ear is an ear. What's wrong? Can't you hear?" "I hear everything," she says. "The problem is I don't understand anything I'm told." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Liddell McGrier, 43, Jacksonville, Florida  Police arrest man after third break-in in one week at same daycare  A man is facing charges after officers found him hiding in the ceiling of a Jacksonville day care. Taki Starkes-Parrish said she had just left Juzt Kidz Learning Center on Winton Road Sunday when she got a call from her security company.  Taki Starkes-Parrish, Owner The company told her there was an unauthorized entry to her day care for the third time in a week. The suspected burglar 43-year-old Liddell McGrier was still there when she and police got there. Officers surrounded the building and found him inside the attic. He had literally punched a hole in the ceiling, climbed into it some type of way, Starkes-Parrish said. They could literally see the insulation going up and down, up and down. Guess he was breathing hard. Starkes-Parrish said Mcgrier fell through the ceiling as officers tried to escort him out of the attic. Its a great deal of damages, she said. You can see insulation, you can see sheet rock all on the floor. McGrier is facing a burglary charge. Starkes-Parrish said she believes hes behind two other break-ins at the daycare. A computer, food and paper goods were stolen. Starkes- Parrish said the burglar or burglars also made sandwiches during the break-ins. If you were hungry, I mean really, we wouldve fed you, she said. She said she is grateful to the officers who arrested him. To go up in a dark attic and look for a criminal who couldve actually had a gun, couldve had a knife. They put themselves in harm's way and Im just really grateful. 
  From: Jerry Re: Multi-Plug-In unit  Dear Webby First of all, thanx for offering the large type option to those of us who are superannuated. I go back to the days when your connections to accessories (printers, scanners, etc.) and you had many sizes and fittings. My Dell (surprise) has only a few ports for my accessories. Is there a multi-plug unit available so I can keep my connectors in one place? Thank you Jerry   Dear Jerry Yes, there sure is. There are some, rather expensive, docking stations still qavailable from the days when we had serial and parallel ports and things like that. Nowadays everything connects via USB ports. All you need is one or two USB hubs, and maybe a USB extension cord. Plug the USB extension cord into the computer and bring it up to the monitor. Attach your USB hubs to the side of the monitor, where they USB outlets SHOULD be. Anybody listening? The monitor runs off USB and could easily handle a dozen USB sockets! Glue or velcro your USB hubs to the side of the monitor. Attach the chinzy short cable of the first USB hub to your USB extension cable, and connect the short cable of the second hub into one socket on the first hub. You can, if necesary, daisy-chain any number of USB hubs like that. After you glue the hubs to the side of the monitor, you can plug and UNplug devices without crawling under the desk and messing around in the dark. With the new, flat monitors you can glue the hubs behind it, so that just the sockets stick out on the side. You will be the envy of all your acquaintances. Monitors with built in USB hubs won't be available for a few years yet. Have FUN DearWebby  
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 Two confirmed bachelors are talking and their conversation drifts from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook last Christmas," says the first, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asks the second. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way, 'Take a clean dish and ...'" -------------- I have a few years ago reverted to being an untamed bachelor, but I learned in the 70s that washing dishes is the best way to heal hands, that have work related wounds, especially concrete sores. So I quite enjoy washing dishes. Putting them away is another story, though :D 
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 Two sweet young ladies are driving through Louisiana. When they reach the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name. They argue back and forth until they stop for lunch. As they stand at the counter, one asks the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please tell us where we are? We're having trouble deciding how to pronounce it." The manager leans over the counter and says, "Goodness Gwecious Nee, you ahh at Belga Kink." (Burger King) ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Meat Make multiple meals with the same cut of meat. For example, if you buy ham or roast, plan on making a large pot of soup with the leftovers. Whole chickens can be less expensive than chicken pieces and the bones can be used for soup stock.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
  
 
Italian Sculpture Garden 
 ___________________________________________________ Ancient Classic: Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat. He said "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.' "So, she did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.' "I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' "Ever since that night we have never had any problems." "Hmmm, "said Jack. He thought that might be a good thing to try. So on his honeymoon, Jack took off his pants and said to Jill, "Here try these on." So she did and said, "These are too large, they don't fit me." Jack said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that." Then Jill took off her pants and handed them to Jack and said, "Here, you try on mine." So he did and said, "I can't get into your pants." Jill said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass attitude, you never will." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A man is away on a business trip for a few days, and when he returns, his wife tells him that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, awaiting your return," she says. "What an example of true love," her husband replies. "I wonder if you would be that concerned about me?" "Honey," she answers, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door, marble rolling pin in hand." ____________________________________________________  
 Today, August 20 in 1741 Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering, sailing for the Russian navy, discovered Alaska. Outsiders first discovered Alaska in 1741 when Danish explorer Vitus Jonassen Bering sighted it on a voyage from Siberia. Russian whalers and fur traders on Kodiak Island established the first settlement in Alaska in 1784. 1866 The National Labor Union in the U.S. advocated an eight-hour workday. 1866 It was formally declared by U.S. President Andrew Johnson that the American Civil War was over. The fighting had stopped months earlier. 1882 Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" debuted in Moscow. 1914 German forces occupied Brussels, Belgium, during World War I. 1918 The British opened its Western Front offensive during World War I. 1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," was launched in Lakehurst, NJ. The ship began its maiden voyage from the same location on September 4. 1940 France fell to the Germans during World War II. 1953 It was announced by the Soviet Union that they had detonated a hydrogen bomb. 1955 In Morocco and Algeria hundreds of people were killed in anti-French rioting. 1955 Colonel Horace A. Hanes, a U.S. Air Force pilot, flew to an altitude of 40,000 feet. Hanes reached a speed of 822.135 miles per hour in a Super Sabrejet. 1967 The New York Times reported about a noise reduction system for album and tape recording developed by technicians R. and D.W. Dolby. Elektra Record's subsidiary, Checkmate Records became the first label to use the new Dolby process in its recordings. 1968 The Soviet Union and other Warsaw Pact nations began invading Czechoslovakia to crush the "Prague Spring" liberalization. 1977 Voyager 2 was launched by the United States. The spacecraft was carrying a 12 inch copper phonograph record containing greetings in dozens of languages, samples of music and sounds of nature. 1985 The original Xerox 914 copier was presented to the Smithsonian Institute's Museum of American History. Chester Carlson was the man who invented the machine. 1991 A rally of more than 100,000 people occurred outside the Russian parliament building to protest the coup that removed Gorbachev from power. 1997 NATO troops seized six police stations in Banja Luka that had been held by troops controlled by former Bosnian Serb President Radovan Karadzic. 1997 Britain began voluntary evacuation of its Caribbean island of Montserrat due to the volcanic activity of the Soufriere Hills. 1998 Canada's Supreme Court announced that Quebec could not secede without the federal government's consent. 1998 U.S. military forces attacked a terrorist camp in Afghanistan and a chemical plant in Sudan. Both targets were chosen for cruise missile strikes due to their connection with Osama bin Laden. 1998 The U.N. Security Council extended trade sanctions against Iraq for blocking arms inspections. 2010 The last American combat brigade exited Iraq after more than seven years after the U.S.-led invasion began. 2018 Do smiled. 
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