Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, December 30 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Tennessee fraudster jailed for claiming that Chili's workers talked about sex ___________________________________________________ Today, December 29 in 1972 The United States halted its heavy bombing of North Vietnam. _____________________________________________________ Advertising is the modern substitute for argument; its function is to make the worse appear the better. --- George Santayana (1863 - 1952) _____________________________________________________ The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office." The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!" _____________________________________________________ Vishwajit P RANE ___________________________________________________ Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a DARWIN award has been earned by Derick A. Reedy, 22, of 2506 McKinley Road, apartment No. 502, Johnson City,' Tennessee, USA Tennessee fraudster jailed for claiming that Chili's workers talked about sex The Tennessee man was arrested yesterday for a harebrained scheme to defraud a Chili's. According to a Kingsport Police Department report, Reedy admitted fabricating a story that two Chilis workers were talking sexually about sex and dildos while he and his wife were eating. Reedy, 22, allegedly did this in a bid to extract a refund for the meal (which he never actually had). While a Chilis manager did not part with cash, he did give Reedy $70 in gift certificates. Subsequently, the manager called cops after he discovered that the suspect attempted this at several other businesses. Confronted by police, Reedy admitted he lied about the incident in an attempt to obtain money or compensation. He was charged with fraud and transported to the Kingsport jail for booking and safe keeping. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Linda Re: MS WORD UPDATES Dear Webby, Is there an easier way to do the mandatory updates for MS WORD, that does not involve such a tedious rigmarole? I like the unobtrusive and polite way McAfee does it's updates quietly in the background, and if they want to update five times a day, that's fine by me. Linda Dear Linda Personally, I use Libre Office (Open Office) Writer. Absolutely no hassle. Microsoft figures they have the right to check out how legitimate your copy of WORD is. I have read that for example of the 250 Million copies of it in use in Russia, probably less than 1000 are legitimate. While they are not going broke, I can see why it irks them that a few honest people have to carry the burden to pay the wages for all the truckers that they need to haul their money to the bank. When you get fed up with the rigamarole, try Open Office or Office Libre. They are both free, and no hassle with their updates. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait." ____________________________________________ On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder. "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Good Grief!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me five months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?" ____________________________________________ A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" by this time she was fairly shouting. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "I might have a word with George?" ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today December 30 in 1460 At the Battle of Wakefield, in England's Wars of the Roses, the Duke of York was defeated and killed by the Lancastrians. 1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles of land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase. 1879 Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance" was first performed, at Paignton, Devon, England. 1880 The Transvaal was declared a republic. Paul Kruger became its first president. 1887 A petition to Queen Victoria with over one million names of women appealing for public houses to be closed on Sundays was handed to the home secretary. 1903 About 600 people died when fire broke out at the Iroquois Theater in Chicago, IL. 1922 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) was formed. 1924 Edwin Hubble announced the existence of other galactic systems. 1927 The first subway in the Orient was dedicated in Tokyo, Japan. 1935 Italian bombers destroyed a Sweedish Red Cross unit in Ethiopia. 1936 The United Auto Workers union staged its first sit-down strike, at the Fisher Body Plant in Flint, MI. 1940 California's first freeway was officially opened. It was the Arroyo Seco Parkway connecting Los Angeles and Pasadena. 1944 King George II of Greece proclaimed a regency to rule his country, virtually renouncing the throne. 1947 King Michael of Romania abdicated in favor of a Communist Republic. He claimed he was forced from his throne. 1948 "Kiss Me Kate" opened at the New Century Theatre in New York City. Cole Porter composed the music for the classic play that ran for 1,077 performances. 1953 The first color TV sets went on sale for about $1,175. 1954 James Arness made his dramatic TV debut in "The Chase". The "Gunsmoke" series didnt begin for Arness until the fall of 1955. 1972 The United States halted its heavy bombing of North Vietnam. 1976 The Smothers Brothers, Tom and Dick, played their last show at the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas and retired as a team from show business. Both continued as solo artists and they reunited several years later. 1993 Israel and the Vatican established diplomatic relations. 1996 A passenger train was bombed by Bodo separatists in India's eastern state of Assam. At least 26 people were killed and dozens were seriously injured. 1996 About 250,000 striking workers shut down vital services across Israel in protests against budget cuts proposed by Prime Minister Netanyahu. 1997 More than 400 people were massacred in four villages in the single worst incident during Algeria's insurgency. 2020 Do smiled. |
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