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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, February 27, in 1997, In Ireland, divorce became legal. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: 2 dead, 11 injured after truck hits group of bicyclists in Goodyear; driver arrested __________________________________________________ Q There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum. --- Arthur C. Clarke (1917 - ) I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. --- Dick Gregory (1932 - ) ________________________________________________ Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, waiting for you to come home," she said. "What an example of true love," Dave replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?" "Honey," she answered, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door with my rolling pin." __________________________________________________ A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian Rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she accidentally breaks wind. Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident. As she turns there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day M'am, how may we help you today?" Very uncomfortable she asks, "Sir how much does this rug cost?" He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, what is going to happen to your pants when you hear the price?" __________________________________________________  _________________________________________________ Two country bumpkins in England get married and go to the city for their honeymoon. They go into their hotel room for the night and get in bed, and neither of them knows what to do now. They look out the window and see some sailors outside. "I'll bet they can help us!" says the husband, and runs downstairs. A sailor comes up back with him. He takes a piece of chalk and draws a circle on the floor several feet away from the bed. "Now I want you to watch me carefully, but no matter what I do, do not step out of the circle," says the sailor. The husband is standing in the circle while the sailor proceeds to make wild passionate love to the wife for a few hours. The sailor stands up afterwards and sees that the husband is giggling. "What's so funny?!" asks the sailor. The husband answers, "I stepped out of the circle three times, and you didn't even notice!" The sailor rolls his eyes up, sighs and says: "Looks like you haven't learned yet. I'll have to show you again. But first you are going to buy us all a nice supper!" ________________________________________________ Anthony and Kathy married. Anthony thought this would be a modern marriage which meant equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, Anthony brought Kathy breakfast in bed. Kathy wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, Anthony brought her a scrambled egg. Kathy wasn't having any of it. "Why can't I have some variety? I wanted poached this morning!" Determined to please Kathy, the next morning he brought her two eggs - one scrambled and one poached. "Here, my love... enjoy!" Kathy was furious, "You Bozo, you scrambled the wrong egg!" ____________________________________________________  ___________________________________________________ Tom was being evaluated for mental problems and was asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do?" Tom replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!" The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?" Tom replied, "The same place you got your silly train!" ___________________________________________________ Two men were talking one day. "My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the garden market," said the first man. "So were you able to find some?" the second man, asked. "Well when I got to the market, I asked the produce clerk, 'These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?' "The produce clerk said 'No, you'll have to do that yourself.'" __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Pedro Quintana-Lujan, 26, GOODYEAR, Arizona USA 2 dead, 11 injured after truck hits group of bicyclists in Goodyear; driver arrested Two bicyclists are dead and 11 others have been hospitalized after a pickup truck struck a group of bicyclists in Goodyear, police said Saturday. The collision happened near MC-85 and Cotton Lane just before 8 a.m. on Feb. 25. A woman died at the scene while another man died at the hospital. The other 11 victims were taken to three different hospitals in the Valley, with at least one of them in life-threatening condition. "One of the deceased is a local resident of Goodyear, and one was visiting from out of state," police said. Two bicyclists are dead and 11 others have been hospitalized after a pickup truck struck a group of bicyclists in Goodyear, police said Saturday. The collision happened near MC-85 and Cotton Lane just before 8 a.m. on Feb. 25. A woman died at the scene while another man died at the hospital. The other 11 victims were taken to three different hospitals in the Valley, with at least one of them in life-threatening condition. "One of the deceased is a local resident of Goodyear, and one was visiting from out of state," police said. Two bicyclists are dead and 11 others have been hospitalized after a pickup truck struck a group of bicyclists in Goodyear, police said Saturday. The collision happened near MC-85 and Cotton Lane just before 8 a.m. on Feb. 25. A woman died at the scene while another man died at the hospital. The other 11 victims were taken to three different hospitals in the Valley, with at least one of them in life-threatening condition. "One of the deceased is a local resident of Goodyear, and one was visiting from out of state," police said. ____________________________________________________ Two husbands, Bill and Doug, were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were argument sometimes. Then Bill said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word." "Wow!" said Doug, "How do you manage that?" "It's easy," replied Bill. "My last words are always 'Yes, Dear.'" _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Mouse problems Dear Webby Have question and need advice I use a Logitech LX-8 cordless Laser Mouse purchased in Aug. It takes many many attempts to highlight and copy one of your jokes. It does not matter whether i start at either the top or bottom of the joke but it may only highlight a few letters or lines and will not finish the remainder. It took between 7-10 attempts this morning to get a full joke. The longer the joke the more attempts are required to copy the full joke. The batteries were replaced two months ago. The issue has been going on for months but is now much worse. Would appreciate your advice and if a new one is needed, where to purchase. I do prefer wireless. Peace and Blessings from AC KS Frank Dear Frank That is NOT a Logitech problem, but a Microsoft problem. Changing to a Microsoft mouse would not make any difference. I have a Logitech mouse like yours, but wired, on one machine, and a wireless Microsoft mouse on the other. Identical problem. Microsoft says you should downgrade to W10, but that does not help at all. Running CrapCleaner does seem to help quite noticeably. Usually I wind up putting the cursor at the begin of what I want to copy, hold down SHIFT, and then use the DOWN key to select what I need. Yes, I know it is klutzy, but it cuts down on the cussing. Have FUN! DearWebby _________________________________________________ Today, February 27 in 1700, The Pacific Island of New Britain was discovered. 1801, The city of Washington, DC, was placed under congressional jurisdiction. 1827, New Orleans held its first Mardi Gras celebration. 1861, In Warsaw, Russian troops fired on a crowd protesting Russian rule over Poland. Five protesting marchers were killed in the incident. 1867, Dr. William G. Bonwill invented the dental mallet. 1883, Oscar Hammerstein patented the first cigar-rolling machine. 1896, The "Charlotte Observer" published a picture of an X-ray photograph made by Dr. H.L. Smith. The photograph showed a perfect picture of all the bones of a hand and a bullet that Smith had placed between the third and fourth fingers in the palm. 1900, In South Africa, the British received an unconditional surrender from Boer Gen. Piet Cronje at Paardeberg. 1922, The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the 19th Amendment that guaranteed women the right to vote. 1933, The Reichstag, Germany's parliament building in Berlin, was set afire. The Nazis accused Communists for the fire. 1939, The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed sit-down strikes. 1949, Chaim Weizmann became the first Israeli president. 1951, The 22nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified, limiting U.S. Presidents to two terms. 1972, The Shanghai Communique was issued by U.S. President Nixon and Chinese Premier Chou En-lai. 1973, The American Indian Movement occupied Wouned Knee in South Dakota. 1974, "People" magazine was first issued by Time-Life (later known as Time-Warner). 1981, Chrysler Corporation was granted an additional $400 million in federal loan guarantees. Chrysler had posted a loss of $1.7 billion in 1980. 1982, Wayne B. Williams was convicted of murdering two of the 28 black children and young adults whose bodies were found in Atlanta, GA, over a two-year period. 1986, The U.S. Senate approved the telecast of its debates on a trial basis. 1990, The Exxon Corporation and Exxon Shipping were indicted on five criminal counts in reference to the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill. 1991, U.S. President George H.W. Bush announced live on television that "Kuwait is liberated." 1997, In Ireland, divorce became legal. 1998, Britain's House of Lords agreed to give a monarch's first-born daughter the same claim to the throne as any first-born son. This was the end to 1,000 years of male preference. 1999, Colin Prescot and Andy Elson set a new hot air balloon endurance record when they had been aloft for 233 hours and 55 minutes. The two were in the process of trying to circumnavigate the Earth. 1999, Nigeria returned to civilian rule when Gen. Olusegun Obasanjo became the country's first elected president since August of 1983. 2002, In Boston, twenty people working at Logan International Airport were charged with lying to get their jobs or security badges. 2022 Do smiled. 2birds-L.jpg
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