Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, November 14 ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Woman Busted For Hamburger Battery ____________________________________ Today, November 10 in 1972 Blue Ribbon Sports became Nike. _____________________________________________________ I don't really trust a sane person. --- Lyle Alzado (1949 - 1992 _____________________________________________________ GROAN! A happily married man had only one complaint, his wife was always nursing sick birds. One November evening, he came home to find a raven with a splint on its beak sitting in his favourite chair. On the dining room table there was a feverish eagle pecking at an aspirin while in the kitchen his wife was comforting a shivering little wren that she found in the snow. The furious spouse strode over to where his wife was towelling down the cold little bird. "I can't take it any more! We've got to get rid of all of these darn..." The wife held up her hand to cut him off in mid-curse. "Please Dear," she said, "Not in front of the chilled wren." _____________________________________________________ Shirley Otway Northern Hawk Owl Kananaskis, Nov.11,2020 ___________________________________________________ One night at the dinner table, Jill commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..." "Nonsense, darling," replied John, "you just cook better now." _________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rykihia Moore, 27, Clearwater, Florida, USA Woman Busted For Hamburger Battery During an argument over infidelity, a Florida woman threw a hamburger at her boyfriend, striking him in the eye and landing her in jail. According to cops, Rykihia Moore and Mario Thornton were bickering Saturday evening over Moore reportedly being unfaithful. In the midst of the verbal beef inside a Clearwater home, the 27- year-old Moore took a hamburger and threw it at Thornton, her beau of 12 months. The burger, a criminal complaint alleges, struck Thornton in the eye. When Moore was questioned by a sheriffs deputy, she reportedly copped to winging the burger at Thornton, adding that it may have hit him. Pictured above, Moore, who works at a Ruby Tuesday restaurant, was arrested for simple battery dating violence, a misdemeanor. She spent a night in jail before being released Sunday afternoon on her own recognizance. The complaint indicates that no weapon was seized by police. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Inga RE: File name extensions Dear Webby, First so glad you're here to help us challenged folks when it comes to computers I have a very old Dell desktop which is still working but I'm thinking maybe not for long so wanted to take the Dell mouse + keyboard and attach them to my HP laptop. Plugged the mouse into my HP laptop and although I can move the cursor around when I click on anything -- nothing happens. Any ideas or suggestions? Sure would be helpful as I enjoy the physical keyboard from my desktop better than the incorporated one on the laptop Keep up the funnies, helps and thanks for all you do to try and keep us sane Cheers, Gwen Dear Gwen Mouse Center If your mouse is a Microsoft mouse, the Mouse center will allow you to set all 7 buttons. If it is not a Microsoft mouse, then it will play stupid. In that case, you need the driver from that mouse's manufacturer. If nexessary, chat with their support. Logitech has their options at Logitech Options Their support is slow and lazy, but with some persistence you CAN get through and get a driver for your mouse. Theoretically the mouse came with a driver on a CD, but that has probably long been lost or converted to a coaster for your coffee cup. So you will just have to contact the maker of the mouse for the driver. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ On their 30th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage. The husband said, "I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no "I" in 'marriage.'" The wife said, "And for my part, I have never corrected my husband's spelling." ____________________________________________ Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Rescue Anne, to practice. My group's model was legless to allow for storage in a carrying case. The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right?" He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!" ____________________________________________ A high-priced call girl brings a customer to her fancy apartment. He admires the fancy furnishings and the art and asks how she was able to amass such splendor. She replies that those really were her father's, that he was a politician for forty years. He said, "How come you didn't follow in his footsteps instead of choosing this way of life ?" She sighed and said, "Oh, just lucky I guess. Besides, I had my moral standards to uphold." ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today November 14 in 1832 The first streetcar went into operation in New York City, NY. The vehicle was horse-drawn and had room for 30 people. 1851 Herman Melville's novel "Moby Dick" was first published in the U.S. 1881 Charles J. Guiteau's trial began for the assassination of U.S. President Garfield. Guiteau was convicted and hanged the following year. 1889 New York World reporter Nellie Bly (Elizabeth Cochrane) began an attempt to surpass the fictitious journey of Jules Verne's Phineas Fogg by traveling around the world in less than 80 days. Bly succeeded by finishing the journey the following January in 72 days, 6 hours and 11 minutes. 1935 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt proclaimed the Philippine Islands a free commonwealth after its new constitution was approved. The Tydings-McDuffie Act planned for the Phillipines to be completely independent by July 4, 1946. 1940 During World War II, German war planes destroyed most of the English town of Coventry when about 500 Luftwaffe bombers attacked. 1951 The first telecast of a world lightweight title fight was seen coast to coast. Jimmy Carter beat Art Aragon in Los Angeles. 1956 The USSR crushed the Hungarian uprising. 1968 Yale University announced it was going co-educational. 1969 Apollo 12 blasted off for the moon from Cape Kennedy, FL. 1969 During the Vietnam War, Major General Bruno Arthur Hochmuth, commander of the Third Marine Division, became the first general to be killed in Vietnam by enemy fire. 1972 Blue Ribbon Sports became Nike. 1973 Britain's Princess Anne married a commoner, Capt. Mark Phillips, in Westminster Abbey. They divorced in 1992, and Princess Anne re-married. 1979 U.S. President Carter froze all Iranian assets in the United States and U.S. banks abroad in response to the taking of 63 American hostages at the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran. 1983 The British government announced that U.S.-made cruise missiles had arrived at the Greenham Common air base amid protests. 1988 Israeli President Chaim Herzog formally asked Prime Minister Yitzhak Shamir to form a new government. 1989 The U.S. Navy ordered an unprecedented 48-hour stand-down in the wake of a recent string of serious accidents. 1990 Simon and Schuster announced it had dropped plans to publish Bret Easton Ellis novel "American Psycho." 1991 After 13 years in exile Cambodian Prince Norodom Sihanouk returned to his homeland. 1994 U.S. experts visited North Korea's main nuclear complex for the first time under an accord that opened such sites to outside inspections. 1995 The U.S. government instituted a partial shutdown, closing national parks and museums while most government offices operated with skeleton crews. 2020 Do smiled. |
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