Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, February 6 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Port Richey man Leaves No Doubt That He Is A Florida Man ___________________________________________________ Today, February 6 in 1952 Britain's King George VI died. His daughter, Elizabeth II, succeeded him. ____________________________________________________ Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves. --- Robert Anton Wilson A true friendship is like sound health, the value of it is seldom known until lost." --- Chinese Proverb Count your age with friends but not with years. --- Socratex ____________________________________________________ There was this guy in a mental hospital. All day long he had his ear to the wall, listening. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day. The doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing. He turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything." The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!" He is back in Government now. ____________________________________________________ A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. "I found a piece of paper in your pant pocket with the name "Marylou" written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation." "Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on." The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him with the rolling pin. "What was that for?" he complained. "Your dog called last night." ____________________________________________________ Sylvie Delacuvellerie ___________________________________________________ A guy was invited to some old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. He was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names." His buddy hung his head. " To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago." __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Matthew Kyle Leatham, 22, Port Richey, Florida, USA Port Richey man Leaves No Doubt That He Is A Florida Man Matthew Kyle Leatham, a 22-year-old Florida Man (as that forehead tattoo attests). Leatham was arrested around 4:45 AM Sunday after he twice called 911 to find a ride home, according to a court complaint which notes that the accused cursed at the call taker during the call. Since the police emergency line does not double as a taxi dispatcher, Leatham was charged with misuse of the 911 system. He was also hit with a marijuana possession charge after a cop found some pot on him during a post-arrest search. Leatham, who works as a cook at a Port Richey seafood restaurant, was released on his own recognizance last night from the Pasco County jail. Leatham was cited last month for reckless driving following a crash that caused an estimated $8500 in damages, according to a court filing. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:God Re: A Conversation Between Moses and God Dear Webby "Excuse me, sir." "Is that you again, Moses?" "I'm afraid it is, sir." "What is it this time, Moses. More computer problems?" "How did you guess?" "I don't have to guess, Moses. Remember?" "Oh, yeah. I forgot." "Tell me what you want, Moses." "But you already know. Remember?" "Moses!" "Sorry, sir." "Well, go ahead, Moses. Spit it out!" "Well, I have a question, sir. You know those ten things you sent me." "You mean the commandments, Moses?" "That's it. I was wondering if they were important." "What do you mean 'were important, Moses? Of course, they are important. Otherwise I wouldn't have sent them to you." "Well, sorry, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them, but of course you would see right through that." "What do you mean 'you lost them! Are you trying to tell me you didn't save them, Moses?" "No, sir. I forgot." "Well, My Son always saves, Moses." "Yeah, I know. You told me that before. I was going to, but I forgot. I did send them to some people before I lost them though. " "And did you hear back from any of them?" "You already know I did." "What about the one guy who said he never uses 'shalt not'. Can he change the words a little bit?" "Yes, Moses. As long as he doesn't change the meaning." "And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh and recommended calling them the Ten Suggestions or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?" "Moses, I'll act like I didn't hear that." "I think that means, 'no'. Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming him?" "I think that is spamming, Moses." "Oh, yeah. I e-mailed him back and told him I don't even eat that stuff and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer." "And what he did say?" "You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don't think he might have sent me one of those plagues and that's the reason I lost those ten things, do you?" "They're called viruses, Moses." "Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we just go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but I never lost them." "We'll do it the new way, Moses." "I was afraid you would say that, sir." "Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?" "You told me to hold up this rat and stretch it out toward the computer." "It's a mouse, Moses. Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?" "No, I decided to try the technical support first. After all, who knows more about this stuff than you, and I really like your hours. By the way, sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?" "No, Moses." "One other thing. Why didn't you name them frogs instead of mice, because didn't you tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?" "I didn't name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog if you want to." "Oh, that explains it. Kind of like Adam, huh, sir? I bet some woman told him to call it a mouse. After all, wasn't it a woman who named one of the computers Apple?" "Say good night, Moses." "Wait a minute, sir. I am stretching out the mouse and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the ten things have come back." "Which ones are they, Moses?" "Let's see. 'Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image and 'Thou shalt not uncover thy neighbor's wife.' "Turn the computer off, Moses. I'm sending you another set of stone tablets. How does 'Same Day Air' sound?" God Dear Do Watch out for those stone tablets! Have Fun! DearWebby The formula for a happy marriage is the same as how to live in California; if you find a fault don't dwell on it. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ The Navy Captain looked the crew over and said, "Men before anything more is said, I would like to clear up one thing. This isn't MY ship, this is YOUR ship." From deep in the ranks came a voice: "Great! Hey guys, let's sell the silly old tub!" ____________________________________________ Church Bulletin Board Bloopers: Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch. *If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check and drip in the collection basket. *Feb 25: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club. *Women's Luncheon: Potluck Lunch. Polly Phillips will give the medication. *If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly. *We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector. *Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford." *Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the foyer. *Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep. *The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral. *The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church board. *As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing. *Fifth Sinday is Lent. *Thank you dead friends. *Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding. *Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter. *Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits. *For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit. *Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men. *The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working... *Volunteers are needed to spit up food. *Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess ____________________________________________ "I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl, "but I don't know her size." "Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his. "Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours." "Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves. "Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs a bra and panties." ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today February 6 in 1778 The United States gained official recognition from France as the two nations signed the Treaty of Amity and Commerce and the Treaty of Alliance in Paris. 1815 The state of New Jersey issued the first American railroad charter to John Stevens. 1899 The U.S. Senate ratified a peace treaty between the U.S. and Spain. 1900 The Holland Senate ratified the 1899 peace conference decree that created in international arbitration court at The Hague. 1911 The first old-age home for pioneers opened in Prescott, AZ. 1926 The National Football League adopted a rule that made players ineligible for competition until their college class graduated. 1932 Dog sled racing happened for the first time in Olympic competition. 1937 K. Elizabeth Ohi became the first Japanese woman lawyer when she received her degree from John Marshall Law School in Chicago, IL. 1952 Britain's King George VI died. His daughter, Elizabeth II, succeeded him. 1956 St. Patrick Center opened in Kankakee, IL. It was the first circular school building in the United States. 1959 The U.S., for the first time, successfully test-fired a Titan intercontinental ballistic missile from Cape Canaveral. 1971 NASA Astronaut Alan B. Shepard used a six-iron that he had brought inside his spacecraft and swung at three golf balls on the surface of the moon. 1972 Over 500,000 pieces of irate mail arrived at the mail room of CBS-TV, when word leaked out that an edited-for-TV version of the X-rated movie, "The Demand," would be shown. 1973 Construction began on the CN Tower in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. 1985 The French mineral water company, Perrier, debuted its first new product in 123 years. In the US, the new items were NY tap water water with a twist of lemon, lime or orange. 1987 President Ronald Reagan turned 76 years old this day and became the oldest U.S. President in history. 1998 Washington National Airport was renamed for U.S. President Ronald Reagan with the signing of a bill by U.S. President Clinton. 1999 King Hussein of Jordan transferred full political power to his oldest son the Crown Prince Abdullah. 1999 Excerpts of former White House intern Monica Lewinsky's videotaped testimony were shown at President Clinton's impeachment trial. 1999 Heavy fighting resumed along the common border between Ethiopia and Eritrea. 2000 Russia's acting President Vladimir Putin announced that Russian forces had captured Grozny, Chechnya. The capital city had been under the control of Chechen rebels. 2000 In Finland, Foreign Minister Tarja Halonen became the first woman to be elected president. 2000 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton formally declared that she was a candidate for a U.S. Senate seat from the state of New York, where a Democrat senator had been ordered by the Democrat party to resign to make room for her. 2001 Ariel Sharon was elected Israeli prime minister. 2002 A federal judge ordered John Walker Lindh to be held without bail pending trial. Lindh was known as the "American Taliban." 2017 Qatar Airways completed a commercial flight with a B777 aircraft that last 16 hours and 23 minutes. 2021 Do smiled. |
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