Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, April 30 ___________________________________________________ History: Today, April 30 1789, George Washington took office as first elected U.S. president. ___________________________________ Bonehead Award: Man allegedly murdered parking scammer over $40 while on date with woman _____________________________________________________ Q The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest. --- Kilgore Trout ______________________________________________________ A fella walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room. A half- hour later, a nurse came n and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to put on a robe and wait for the doctor. An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." The doctor said, "Where?" He said, "Outside in that $220 an hour truck. Where do you want them?" ______________________________________________________  ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ >From Rob Over dinner, my wife said to me, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!" "How did you meet this fellow?" I asked, very concerned. She said, "Well, we met by accident. I hit his wheel chair with my car." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ "One of the Russian Ambassadors comes to President Putin and nervously tells him he'd like to resign. "Why?" Putin asks him "Ah, Mr. President, I can't find myself with these time differences! I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep, I woke you up at 4 in the morning, but I thought it was only evening, I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday, and she tells me she had it yesterday, I wish the Chinese president a happy new year, and he says it will be tomorrow." "Well, these are just minor inconveniences." says Putin. "Do you remember when that Polish plane with their president and 250 of their top politicians was accidentally shot down 2 miles from the Katyn airport? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane had not taken off yet." ____________________________________________________ >From Mark A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone here know what we mean by sins of omission?" A small girl replied: "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but didn't? ___________________________________________________ The devout cowboy lost his favorite BIBLE while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the BIBLE in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the book from the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward, and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Harold RE: Alternate Alarmclock program Dear Webby, You gave me the ALARM program in the 90s, and for one alarm per day, it has worked just fine. Never any problem. However, now I need something a bit fancier for more than one alarm. Whatcha got? Harold Dear Harold I dont have a wife, unfortunately, or a MIL, so I just use the one I showed yesterday, But here is a total overkill alarm program, like I used to build in the days of DOS: Try Free Alarm Clock It might take a bit of instruction reading, but anything you can think of, is in there somewhere. It even has an optional analog clock! Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A women was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. 'Step aside, lady,' he barked. 'I've taken a course in first-aid!' The women watched for a few minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. 'Pardon me,' she said. 'But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here.' __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _________________________________________________  ____________________________________________________ So I understand the fix a local hunting guide got himself into. His party became hopelessly lost in the mountains and they blamed him for leading them astray. "You told us you were the best guide in Colorado!" they asserted. "I am," he said, "but I think we're in Wyoming now." _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD reported by Rock, has been earned by  Erick Lee Aguirre, 29, Phoenix, Arizona, USA Man allegedly murdered parking scammer over $40 while on date with woman A 29-year-old man on a date in East Downtown is accused of shooting and killing an alleged parking scammer over $40. Erick Lee Aguirre had his first court appearance on Thursday. Aguirre is now charged with murder. His bond has been set at $200,000. Two weeks ago, Houston police released a surveillance photo of Aguirre and a woman, who were apparently on a date at Rodeo Goat in EaDo. BACKGROUND: Houston shooting: 2 persons of interest sought in connection to deadly Chartres Street shooting Court records say the two had parked separately at a lot near Dallas and Chartres Street around 7:30 p.m. on April 11. The couple reportedly paid a total of $40 to a man who identified himself as a parking attendant. However, minutes later, documents say Aguirre was informed by an employee at a nearby business that the attendant was actually a scammer who authorities have now identified as Elliott Nix. Records say Aguirre then went to his car to grab his gun, shot Nix in the back, and left his body on the sidewalk. A witness then called police to report the shooting. Meanwhile, Aguirre returned to the restaurant and reportedly told his date, "just scared the guy and everything is fine" and the two left a few minutes later and continued on with their date at another location, according to court documents. "An intentional killing with a firearm is going to be charged as murder, simple as that," said Michael Hanover, a prosecutor with the Harris County District Attorney's Office. In court on Thursday, prosecutors revealed that Aguirre was out on probation for a 2017 aggravated assault charge in San Patricio County in Corpus Christi. The woman on the date has since hired an attorney and declined to comment after court Thursday. _____________________________________________________ Today, April 30 in 0030, Jesus of Nazareth was crucified. 0313, Licinius unified the whole of the eastern empire under his own rule. 1250, King Louis IX of France was ransomed for one million dollars. 1527, Henry VIII and King Francis of France signed the treaty of Westminster. 1725, Spain withdrew from Quadruple Alliance. 1789, George Washington took office as first elected U.S. president. 1803, The U.S. purchased the Louisiana Territory from France for $15 million. 1812, Louisiana admitted as the 18th U.S. state. 1849, The republican patriot and guerrilla leader Giuseppe Garabaldi repulsed a French attack on Rome. 1864, Work began on the Dams along the Red River. The work would allow Union General Nathaniel Banks' troops to sail over the rapids above Alexandria, Louisiana. 1889, George Washington's inauguration became the first U.S. national holiday. 1900, Hawaii was organized as an official U.S. territory. 1900, Casey Jones was killed while trying to save the runaway train "Cannonball Express." 1930, The Soviet Union proposed a military alliance with France and Great Britain. 1938, Happy Rabbit appeared in the cartoon "Porky's Hare Hunt." This rabbit would later evolve into Bugs Bunny. 1939, The first railroad car equipped with fluorescent lights was put into service. The train car was known as the "General Pershing Zephyr." 1940, Belle Martell was licensed in California by state boxing officials. She was the first American woman, prizefight referee. 1943, The British submarine HMS Seraph dropped 'the man who never was,' a dead man the British planted with false invasion plans, into the Mediterranean off the coast of Spain. 1945, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun committed suicide. They had been married for one day. One week later Germany surrendered unconditionally. 1947, The name of Boulder Dam, in Nevada, was changed back to Hoover Dam. 1948, The Organization of American States (OAS) held its first meeting in Bogota, Colombia. The institution's goal was to facilitate better relations between the member nations and to help prevent the spread of communism in the Western Hemisphere. 1952, Mr. Potato Head became the first toy to be advertised on network television. 1953, The British West Indian colonies agreed on the formation of the British Caribbean Federation that would eventually become a self-governing unit in the British Commonwealth. 1964, The FCC ruled that all TV receivers should be equipped to receive both VHF and UHF channels. 1968, U.S. Marines attacked a division of North Vietnamese in the village of Dai Do. 1970, U.S. troops invaded Cambodia to disrupt North Vietnamese Army base areas. The announcement by U.S. President Nixon led to widespread protests. 1972, The North Vietnamese launched an invasion of the South. 1973, U.S. President Nixon announced resignation of Haldeman, Ehrlichman, and other top aides. 1975, Communist North Vietnamese troops entered the Independence Palace of South Vietnam in Saigon. 11 Marines lifted off of the U.S. Embassy were the last soldiers to evacuate. 1980, Terrorists seized the Iranian Embassy in London. 1984, U.S. President Reagan signed cultural and scientific agreements with China. He also signed a tax accord that would make it easier for American companies to operate in China. 1991, An estimated 125,000 people were killed in a cyclone that hit Bangladesh. 2023, Do smiled.
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