| Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, July 13 ____________________________________________________ History: today, July 13 in 1863, Opponents of the Civil War draft began three days of rioting in New York City, which resulted in more than 1,000 casualties. ___________________________________________ Bonehead Man arrested near Maple Park had fled a traffic stop in a stolen vehicle ___________________________________________________ Q "To be or not to be is not a question of compromise. Either you be or you don't be." --- Golda Meir As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something. --- Hagar the Horrible "Ring the bells that still can ring Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything, That's how the light gets in." --- Leonard Cohen __________________________________________________ An old Bonehead Award: Friday 26th July 2002 Vibrating luggage passenger claims sex toy compensation A Florida woman says airline staff made her hold up a sex toy in front of other passengers when her luggage started vibrating. Renee Koutsouradis, 36, wants at least $15,000 compensation after the alleged incident in Dallas. The St Petersburg Times says staff asked her to get off the Delta Airlines plane after staff noticed the bag. She says she told staff it was a sex toy but that they made her hold it up in full view of passengers. She's seeking unspecified damages of more than $15,000, accusing Delta of negligence, intentional infliction of emotional distress and gender discrimination. ------------------ Considering how nervous everybody is in the airports in the US, I think SHE should be fined $15,000, or more, for causing a false alarm and distress among everybody around her. ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ >From Eddy For those of you who may have been following my long divorce saga, I wanted to tell you that at one time I attempted to reconcile with her. I said to her, "You know I love you. Say those three little words that will make me walk on air." She said, "Go hang yourself." ________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Carlos Diaz, Maple Park, Illinois, USA Man arrested near Maple Park alleged fled a traffic stop in a stolen vehicle A man arrested near Maple Park Thursday morning is alleged to have fled a traffic stop in Sycamore while in a stolen car. The Kane County Sheriff's Office says that Carlos Diaz is charged with possession of a stolen vehicle and obstructing identity. The sheriff's office says that Diaz had fled a traffic stop in Sycamore and left the vehicle in a wooded area on Beith Road, which was identified as having been stolen from Colorado. A perimeter was set up and K9 units located Diaz walking in a field. He allegedly gave police a fake name, but police were able to identify him using his fingerprints. Diaz is being held in the Kane County Jail in St. Charles. The sheriff's office says the Sycamore Police Department could be filing additional charges. ___________________________________________________ Senior's Pick-up Lines: * "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like...where exactly are we again?" * "Do you smell that? That's either love, or I used too much ointment this morning." * "Yes, I'm 92... but I have the body of a 78-year-old." * "WHO'S your granddaddy?" * "Your beautiful blue eyes are like limpid sapphire pools. Your blue hair, too." * "Hey babe, looking for a good time? How's about coming home with me and... Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z." __________________________________________________ >Thanks to Roland for this one: My Aunt Myrtie was in the fertilized egg business when I was young. She had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and 8 or 10 roosters whose job it was to fertilize the eggs. My aunt kept records, and any rooster or pullet that didn't perform well went into the pot and was replaced. Now, this took an awful lot of time. So my aunt got a set of tiny bells and attached them to her roosters so she could hear them chasing pullets. Now she could sit on the porch and still fill out an efficiency report by listening to the bells. My aunt's favorite rooster was Old Fart. A very fine specimen he was but his bell had not rung all morning. Aunt Myrtie went to investigate. Several roosters were chasing pullets, bells a ringing. O. F. had his bell in his beak so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, have his way with her and walk on to the next one. Aunt Myrtie was so proud of O.F., she entered him in the county fair. Old Fart was an overnight sensation. The judges awarded him both the No Bell Prize, and the Pullet Surprise. ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Over dinner, a woman said to her husband, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!" "How did you meet this fellow?" He asked, very concerned. She said, "Well, we met by accident, I hit his wheel chair with the car." ___________________________________________________ Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits rom:Jane S Re: Monitor next to TV Dear Webby We live in a small condo which does not include an extra room for the computer. It have the computer on my desk with the back of it about a fingers width from the television. Is it safe to run the computer and TV at the same time or should I turn one off before turning the other on? Thanks. Jane Dear Jane That used to be a real concern with the big huge tube type monitors and TVs, but with today's flat screen monitors, that is not a problem at all. Have Fun! DearWebby ___________________________________________________________ FBI recommends "A whack with the stupid stick" "Anybody that falls for a Nigerian Letter scam deserves a whack with a stupid stick. That scam is as old as fax machines.'' --- Ray Lauer, FBI spokesman ----------- (That is from the days, when the FBI was not political and went after real crimes.) ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! _____________________________________________________ A Sunday school teacher was instructing her class. Just before she dismissed them to go to church she asked them, "Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Johnny was quick to blurt out what he was certain was the correct answer, "Because people are sleeping!" __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today July 13, in 1099, The Crusaders launched their final assault on Muslims in Jerusalem. 1534, The Ottoman armies captured Tabriz in northwestern Persia. 1558, Led by the court of Egmont, the Spanish army defeated the French at Gravelines, France. 1585, A group of 108 English colonists, led by Sir Richard Grenville, reached Roanoke Island, NC. 1643, In England, the Roundheads, led by Sir William Waller, were defeated by royalist troops under Lord Wilmot in the Battle of Roundway Down. 1754, At the beginning of the French and Indian War, George Washington surrendered the small, circular Fort Necessity in southwestern Pennsylvania to the French. 1787, The U.S. Congress, under the Articles of Confederation, enacted the Northwest Ordinance, which established the rules for governing the Northwest Territory, for admitting new states to the Union and limiting the expansion of slavery. 1812, The first pawnbroking ordinance was passed in New York City. 1832, Henry Schoolcraft discovered the source of the Mississippi River in Minnesota. 1836, John Ruggles received patent #1 from the U.S. Patent Office for a traction wheel used in locomotive steam engines. All 9,957 previous patents were not numbered. 1863, Opponents of the Civil War draft began three days of rioting in New York City, which resulted in more than 1,000 casualties. 1875, David Brown patented the first cash-carrier system. 1878, The Congress of Berlin divided the Balkans among European powers. 1931, A major German financial institution, Danabank, failed. This led to the closing of all banks in Germany until August 5. 1941, Britain and the Soviet Union signed a mutual aid pact, that provided the means for Britain to send war material to the Soviet Union. 1954, In Geneva, the United States, Great Britain and France reached an accord on Indochina which divided Vietnam into two countries, North and South, along the 17th parallel. 1978, Lee Iacocca was fired as president of Ford Motor Co. by chairman Henry Ford II. 1984, In Arkansas, Terry Wallis was injured in a car accident and was left comatose. He came out of the coma in June of 2003. 1998, "Image of an Assassination" went on sale. The video documentary is of Abraham Zapruder's home video of U.S. President Kennedy's assassination in Dallas. 1998, RealNetworks Inc. rolled out a test version of RealSystem G2. G2 is a streaming video and audio delivery system. 2000, The United States and Vietnam singed a major trade agreement. The pact still needed to be approved by the U.S. Congress. 2023, Do smiled.
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