Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, April 22 Thank you, Sig!! Have FUN! DerWebby Todays Bonehead Award: David Harlow, stole his dates purse on their first date in Phoenix, Arizona. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 22 in 1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered Brazil. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ >From Fran: My husband was once employed in the printing division of a large manufacturing firm. One morning, word came from the top that some visiting VIPs would be touring the plant in just a few minutes. All production was immediately shut down as employees scrambled to quickly tidy up the work place. When the appointed lookout yelled, "Here they come!" fifty fingers, that were poised over fifty machine start-up buttons, pressed down in unison and blew every fuse in the building. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Mariana When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Can she cook?" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dedav for this one: A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender says, "Get out of here with that dog!" The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog... this dog can play the piano!" The bartender hooks a thumb over at a piano in the corner, "If that dog can play that piano, you both get a drink on the house!" The guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing. Ragtime, Mozart... and the bartender and patrons are loving it. Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out. The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all about?" The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wants him to be a dentist." ______________________________________________________ Skunked! ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Harlow, 38, Phoenix, Arizona David Harlow, stole his dates purse on their first date in Phoenix, Arizona. The Phoenix Police Department says 38-year-old David Harlow has been arrested for allegedly stealing a womans purse during a first date. Police say Harlow met the woman on Tinder, and the two talked for several weeks before meeting in person at a resort in Phoenix. During the date, the victim went to the restroom and asked Harlow to watch her belongings. When she got back, Harlow and her purse were reportedly gone. Harlow allegedly took the victims credit card to a casino and tried to withdraw money from several banks. "I feel like I took the appropriate cautions with this," the woman explained in a recent interview with ABC15. "Meeting him in public at a busy venue during the day." She says she felt comfortable enough to leave her belongings with the man because she thought they had connected, and had been talking for several weeks. Police say Harlow has involvement in similar incidents in the past. He has been booked on charges of felony theft, theft of a credit card, and taking the identity of another. Welcome to Joe Arpaios pink suit camp site, @#$%?&! ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Petra Re: Modem heater Dear Webby My good old DSL modem died and I had to replace it. The new one is not keeping my coffee hot like the old one used to do. Any simple remedies for that? Petra Dear Petra, heating coffee too long makes it sour and tasting bad. Keeping it hot in a stainless steel thermos is a good solution. Millions of industrial and mining workers have done that for many decades. I still have my good old Stanley stainless steel thermos, that I bought, when I was working at the ALCAN smelter in the 70s. It still works fine, even though I dented it in a bad motorcycle accident in the 80s. They are probably a lot less expensive now. If you do not want an industrial looking thermos on your desk, search for "usb cup heater". Amazon lists them from $5 up. They range from dainty to cute in many designer colors. They even have one, that you recharge from your USB port and can then take along to the outhouse or picnic. Have FUN! DearWebby An uncertain and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once." "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?" The witness replied, "MY mother did!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Dirty Glass Bottles By Pattie McIntyre [38 Posts, 56 Comments] Try filling the bottle about halfway with water. Add a couple of tablespoons of ammonia. Using a funnel, pour in a couple of tablespoons of raw rice. Shake vigorously, then rinse. The rice "scrubs" the inside of the bottle. Hope this helps. | | father films daughter 0 - 14 years old |
____________________________________________________ In days past, children were given names that sound strange to us today -- Prudence, Charity, Faith, and so on. One boy was named Amazing, and he resented it all his life. People laughed at him because of it. He told his wife that, when the time came, he did not want his name on his tombstone. When he died, she followed his wishes and put on the tombstone, "Here lies a man who was faithful to his wife for 60 years." But even in death, he couldn't escape the curse, because everyone that looked at his tombstone said, "WOW! That's Amazing!" ___________________________________________________ Michael was an extremely avid golfer with a cynical attitude and arrogance, that when he passed away, few people shed a tear. Michael approached the Pearly Gates where St. Peter was waiting for him. Rather than pass through the gates as normal people had done, Michael stopped to ask a question. "Before I agree to come in, I want to know exactly what kind of golf course you have here" he said to St. Peter. "That shouldn't matter to you." said St. Peter. "But it does. And then in his arrogant manner exclaimed "Well if I can't see it, then I'm not coming in!" "Very well Michael. As you wish...look through the gates." He looked and saw the poorest, most rundown, excuse for a golf course that it made him sick to his stomach. "Forget it. There is no way in Hell I'm going to spend eternity playing on that course!" Just then, Michael heard the Devil calling him over his gate. "Come over here and see what I have to offer." Michael peered through the gate and he is elated! There is the most absolutely fabulous golf course he has ever seen! He turns to the Devil and says "I want to be on THAT course!" "Ok. Step on through and it's yours forever." St. Peter pleaded with Michael as he headed off with the Devil and the gates closed behind him. Michael walked up to the first tee and said "I can't wait to play! Where are my clubs and ball? The Devil roared with laughter. "Oh, they are on the other side! That's why their course looks so worn out!" Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, on April 22 1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered Brazil. 1509 Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England upon the death of his father Henry VII. 1529 Spain and Portugal divided the eastern hemisphere in the Treaty of Saragosa. 1745 The Peace of Fussen was signed, restoring the status quo of Germany. 1792 U.S. President George Washington proclaimed American neutrality in the war in Europe. 1861 Robert E. Lee was named commander of Virginia forces. 1864 The U.S. Congress passed legislation that allowed the inscription "In God We Trust" to be included on one-cent and two-cent coins. 1889 At noon, the Oklahoma land rush officially started as thousands of Americans raced for new, unclaimed land. Those, who had snuck in there before were called "Sooners", a name often applied to all Oklahomans. 1898 The first shot of the Spanish-American war occurred when the USS Nashville captured a Spanish merchant ship. 1915 At the Second Battle Ypres the Germans became the first country to use poison gas. 1918 British naval forces attempted to sink block-ships in the German U-boat bases at the Battle of Zeeburgge. 1930 The U.S., Britain and Japan signed the London Naval Treaty, which regulated submarine warfare and limited shipbuilding. 1931 Egypt signed the treaty of friendship with Iraq. 1931 James G. Ray landed an autogyro on the lawn of the White House. 1944 During World War II, the Allies launched a major attack against the Japanese in Hollandia, New Guinea. 1952 An atomic test conducted in Nevada was the first nuclear explosion shown on live network television. 1987 The American Physical Society said that the "Star Wars" missile system was "highly questionable" and would take ten years to research. 1993 The U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum was dedicated in Washington, DC. 1997 In Lima, Peru government commandos storm and capture the residence of the Japanese ambassador ending a 126-day hostage crisis. In the rescue 71 hostages were saved. Those killed: one hostage (of a heart attack), two soldiers, and all 14 rebels. 2000 Elian Gonzalez was reunited with his father. He had to be taken from his Miami relatives by U.S. agents in a predawn raid. 2002 Filippino President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo ordered a state of emergency in the city of General Santos in response to a series of bombing attacks the day before. The attacks were blamed on Muslim extremists. 2010 The Boeing X-37 began its first orbital mission. It successfully returned to Earth on December 3, 2010. 2017 Do smiled. |
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