Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, May 22 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Conman, with more than FIFTY false identities is jailed for posing as a pilot to rip off unsuspecting Australians Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, May 22 in 1819 The steamship Savannah became the first to cross the Atlantic Ocean. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at. --- Jimmy Demaret ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ During the course of being interviewed by the press, the noted doctor was asked by a reporter: "Doctor, did you ever make a serious mistake?" "Yes, was the reply, "I once cured a millionaire of the flu before he was broke!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ The Italians have followed the ages old tradition of naming their boats with a three-letter prefix. For example: USA uses USS which means "United States Ship." The British uses HMS which means "Her Majesty's Ship." and now...Italy is using AMB which means "At's-a My Boat!" _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gloria Burton, Cape Coral, Florida Conman, with more than FIFTY false identities is jailed for posing as a pilot to rip off unsuspecting Australians Barry John Faulkner, 68, Brisbane, Australia A seasoned conman has been jailed again for posing as a pilot to rip off unsuspecting Australian travellers. Barry John Faulkner is back in jail for attempting to exploit Queenslanders by acting as a commercial pilot. Known as the 'catch me if you can' conman, Faulkner has been in and out of prison his whole life with more than 80 convictions. The 68-year-old fronted Brisbane Magistrates Court on April 13 on multiple counts of fraud. He was ordered to repay his victims $6430 and was sentenced to six months behind bars. Faulkner had more than 50 false identities and has notched up over 80 convictions. His aliases ranged from a doctor, army officer, American millionaire, Olympic official and CIA agent. Tech Support Pits From: Rheta Re: Missing Mouse Dear Webby Good after noon to you. My question is a lost mouse. On my grand sons computer. Its a XP PC.I can't find it... help please. Rheta Hi there: And thanks for the reply. He has tried different mouse. But still nothing. Some one was telling me that theres keys that you can use instead of a mouse. Have any clues on that one?? Rheta Dear Rheta There are some keys you can use: Hit the Scroll Lock key a few times, to make sure it is turned off. If the mouse starts working after that, you got the problem solved. Arrow keys and combinations of SHIFT and CTRL plus the arrows, Tab, ALT-Tab to jump between Windows, but that's about it, and even those commands sometimes act differently in different programs. I use a lot of keyboard shortcuts, but they are not a complete substitute for a mouse. If you hit the Windows button, you can use the arrow keys to get into the control panel and to the mouse, and make sure it is not disabled. If everything looks OK in there, tell him to try a new mouse, not one that has been put on the shelf because it was too cute to throw away, even though it had become flakey. If the mouse settings are OK and a brand new mouse doesn't work either, then he will have to get the hardware checked. Have FUN DearWebby You might be a Redneck if Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausages in her purse. You go fishing with a generator and copper wire. The only time you were ever in the dry cleaners was to get out of the rain. You voted for more than one presidential candidate in the same election, more than once. People are scared to touch your bathrobe. Your stove is your cigarette lighter. You've never paid for a haircut. You wear your blaze-orange insulated suit to Sunday school. You have more cars on blocks than on wheels. The most fun you've ever had involved water balloons and a Ferris wheel. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer. Your favorite stripper accepts food stamps. Your TV gets 512 channels but you go outside the trailer to use the bathroom. You can pick objects off the floor with your toes. Your son is named for your favorite pro wrestler. Your daughter mistakenly thought you'd attend her wedding on opening day of the deer season. You and your dog are on the same medication. Your car burns more oil than gas. The last thing your ex-wife said to you was, "If y'all go hunting again, I'm leaving!" You begin most sentences with "Y'all ain't gonna believe this!" Your deer lease costs more than your house. You burn out your clutch in a funeral procession. Your brother had to cosign to get your deer mounted. Your family reunion features a chewing tobacco spit-off. You know your daddy's C.B. handle but not his real name. The school principal has your number on speed dial. Your class reunion is a keg party in the woods. You think fax is the opposite of fiction. Your monitor is sitting on a cinder block. Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband rahht NOW!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
>From Roland For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep or too much pressure from my job, but now I've found out the real reason that I am always tired. I'm overworked. The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. 14,800,000 people work for State and City Governments. That leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Given that there are 1,211,998 people in prisons, that leaves just two people to do the work, you and me. And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes! ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking Oil Bottle Cover Make use of an unmatched sock by cutting off the ribbed elastic part and slipping it over the neck of a bottle of cooking oil. The sock absorbs any oil that drips down the side of the bottle. You can decorate a white sock or pick a fancy sock to match your decor. By Michelle Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ The owner of a manufacturing firm decided to make a surprise tour of the factory. Walking through the warehouse he noticed a young man lazily leaning against a packing crate. The factory owner angrily said, "Just how much are you being paid?" The young man replied, "Two hundred dollars a week." The owner pulled out his wallet, peeled off ten $20 bills and shouted at the young man: "Here is a week's pay--now get out and don't come back!" Without a word, the young man stuffed the money into his pocket and left. The warehouse manager, standing nearby, stared in amazement. "Tell me," the boss asked him, "How long has that guy worked for us?" "He doesn't work here," replied the warehouse manager, "He was just the Pizza guy waiting for George to find two more dollars for his lunch order." ___________________________________________________ Horowitz was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. Hewalked into the house and found his wife Fanny in the arms of another man. He started to yell at the interloper, "What right have you got to be messing with my wife?" The man answered calmly, "You may as well know that I am in love with Fanny and I would like to marry her. I understand you're a gambler. Why don't you be a good sport and sit down and play a game of gin rummy with me? If I lose, I'll never see her again; if you lose, you must agree to divorce her.... Okay?" "Okay," replied Horowitz, "but just to make it a little more interesting, why don't we play for a dollar a point?" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ The Priest had just finished hearing the man's confession and was considering the man's penitence. "Are you sure you're going to try to set aside all sin?" "Yes Father, I certainly am going to try." replied the man. "I here-by resolve to double my efforts." "And you're going to attend Mass regularly my son?" the Priest went on. "Yes Father, I realize I have strayed." said the man. "I shall both worship and confess every week." "And how about your debts and those you have cheated?" inquired the Priest. "Now just a minute Father." said the man. "Now you're talking business and not religion." ____________________________________________________ | Today, May 22 in 1246 Henry Raspe was elected anti-king by the Rhenish prelates in France. 1455 King Henry VI was taken prisoner by the Yorkists at the Battle of St. Albans, during the War of the Roses. 1570 Abraham Ortelius published the first modern atlas in Belgium. 1761 In Philadelphia, the first life insurance policy was issued in the U.S. 1819 The steamship Savannah became the first to cross the Atlantic Ocean. 1841 Henry Kennedy received a patent for the first reclining chair. 1868 Near Marshfield, IN, The "Great Train Robbery" took place. The robbery was worth $96,000 in cash, gold and bonds to the seven members of the Reno gang. 1872 The Amnesty Act restored civil rights to Southerners. 1882 The U.S. formally recognized Korea. 1891 The first public motion picture was given in Thomas Edison's lab. 1892 Dr. Washington Sheffield invented the lead toothpaste tube. 1900 The Associated Press was incorporated as a non-profit news cooperative in New York. 1900 A. DeVilbiss, Jr. patented his pendulum-type computing scale. 1900 Edwin S. Votey received a patent for the pianola (a pneumatic piano player). It could be attached to any piano. 1906 The Wright brothers received a patent their flying machine. 1939 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini signed a military alliance between Germany and Italy known as the "Pact of Steel." 1947 The Truman Doctrine was enacted by the U.S. Congress to appropriate military and economic aid to Turkey and Greece. 1955 A scheduled dance to be headlined by Fats Domino was canceled by police in Bridgeport, Connecticut because "rock and roll dances might be featured." 1955 Jack Benny did his last live network radio broadcast after a run of 23 years. He devoted his time fully to TV. 1967 "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood" premiered on PBS. 1969 A lunar module of Apollo 10 flew within nine miles of the moon's surface. The event was a rehearsal for the first lunar landing. 1972 U.S. President Nixon became the first U.S. president to visit Russia. He met with Soviet leader Leonid Brezhnev. 1972 The island Ceylon adopted a new constitution and became the republic of Sri Lanka. 1977 Janet Guthrie set the fastest time of the second weekend of qualifying, becoming the first woman to earn a starting spot in the Indianapolis 500 since its inception in 1911. 1986 Sylvester Stallone agreed to a 10-picture, six-year deal with United Artists. He signed for a reported $15 million for each film. 1990 In the Middle East, North and South Yemen merged to become a single state known as the Republic of Yemen. 1990 Microsoft released Windows 3.0. 1997 Kelly Flinn, the U.S. Air Force's first female bomber pilot certified for combat, accepted a general discharge. She thereby avoided court-martial on charges of adultery, lying and disobeying an order. 1998 Bolivia was hit with a series of powerful earthquakes. At least 18 were killed. The quakes ranged in magnitude from 5.9 to 6.8. 1998 New information came to light about the June 1996 bombing that killed 19 American airmen. The information indicated that Saudi citizens had been responsible and not Iranians as once believed. 1998 A federal judge said that Secret Service agents could be compelled to testify before a grand jury in Monica Lewinsky investigation concerning U.S. President Clinton. 1998 Voters in Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland turned out to cast ballots giving approval to a Northern Ireland peace accord. 2002 Chandra Levy's remains were found in Washington, DC's Rock Creek Park. She was last seen on April 30, 2001. California Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in the case due to his relationship with Levy. 2002 In Birmingham, AL, a jury convicted former Ku Klux Klansman Bobby Frank Cherry of murder in the 1963 church bombing that killed four girls. 2012 In Japan, the Tokyo Skytree tower opened. 2018 Do smiled. |
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